Self Esteem

[Steph]

How do I improve my self esteem?

I have a good life.? I have a son who is the best boy in the world.

I have a full scholorship to nursing school and I have only a year to go.

But I am married to a man who doesn't love me anymore and I know because he told me.

Don't ask me to leave him because I am not doing that.? I am too sensitive and I am sick of it.

How do I feel good about myself?? Steph

 

[Steph]

I have to say that I am really sad that no one felt they could offer any advice.

Well, I don't know what to say to the lack of response. I guess,

Thanks anyway.? Steph

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Speaking for myself, Steph, I've been busy with both Sunday household chores, website maintenance, and a report (and I suck at multitasking). As for others, it's Sunday, which tends to be a slow forum day.

I suspect the other problem is that it's a pretty broad question and hard to answer in a concise forum post.

There are some resources at http://www.psychlinks.ca/pages/self-esteem.htm and http://directory.psychlinks.ca/Self-Help/ - that might be a starting place.

 

[foghlaim]

Steph... i decided not to respond earlier, having read your post a least 4 times..
i thought that maybe a response from one of the others would be more appropiate..

i too am surprised by the lack of response u have gotten on this..
for me i think not enuff info on why u don't feel good about yourself is why i didn't respond..
i know what u have written above... but i don't want to read someting into this that's maybe not there. does this make any sense to you..

but i could have written.. something to show that i had read and heard you.. and for that i apologise

nsa

 

[ThatLady]

How do I improve my self esteem?

I have a good life. I have a son who is the best boy in the world.

I have a full scholorship to nursing school and I have only a year to go.

But I am married to a man who doesn't love me anymore and I know because he told me.

Don't ask me to leave him because I am not doing that. I am too sensitive and I am sick of it.

How do I feel good about myself? Steph

That's a really difficult question to answer, hon. I think the answer is different for different people.

You have a lot of things to be proud of. Your son, your schooling, your interest in, and efforts toward, self-improvement. All of these are attributes of which anyone should be proud.

You do, however, seem to have a situation that impairs your ability to think well of yourself. You have a husband who has felt it necessary to tell you he doesn't love you anymore. That's not an easy thing to deal with, and would constitute a blow to just about anyone's self-esteem, I'd think. The only way I can think of to direct you on a course to better self-esteem is to remind you that you are not measured by your husband's love (or lack of same), but by your own accomplishments. Recognize those accomplishments and focus on them. Give yourself credit for jobs well done. You can't make someone love you, but you CAN make yourself the best person you can be. You seem to be doing a darned good job of that! I have to wonder...can your husband say the same?

 

[Retired]

Steph,

Sorry to hear about what must be a very difficult situation in your home.

Do you have a family support system available to you close to home or perhaps some support resources associated with the hospital at which you work?

 

[Cat Dancer]

Aww, Steph, I'm sorry I didnt' post sooner. I'm not supposed to be on the computer at all, but I've snuck on a couple of times today. He he.

I think maybe one of the reasons no one answered is that many of us struggle with the same issue? I could be wrong. I know I struggle with it myself.

I found this article about improving self esteem and the suggetions seem very reasonable:

Suggestions for increasing self-esteem


Change is not easy. It means stepping into the unknown and taking a risk. Inevitably this means that some initiatives will work well while others don't work out as you hoped. You can help yourself by being realistic in your choices and seeing each success as a step in the right direction.

Remember that small changes add up. Call on other people to help you by being encouraging, taking an interest, giving feedback, and making suggestions.

Do things for pleasure, for fun

Think about ways you enjoy yourself. Put effort into making life pleasurable and satisfying. Arrange to be in situations which are playful and make you laugh.

Learn something new. Maybe something you have always wanted to try, even something you never thought you could do. If you are stuck for ideas look on notice boards and in local publications, observe or ask other people, think about what you have enjoyed in the past.

Look after yourself physically

Eating regularly, thinking about the sort of food you eat, and making sure you try to get the amount of sleep you need.

Exercise and toning muscles can give confidence and help you to feel good about your body. Pay attention to how you stand and walk. Think tall.

Pay more attention to your appearance. Pamper yourself. Choose a new hairstyle or colour in clothing. Buy a magazine which gives advice on personal presentation.

Use rewards, but avoid punishments

Reward yourself in other ways. What about giving yourself one day off from work a week? Buy yourself a little treat.

Do something you particularly enjoy but don't often get round to.

We do not like other people saying nasty things about us so why say them to yourself? Listen to how you treat yourself - the internal conversation. Low self-esteem makes it difficult to identify strong points but it does not mean you do not have them - only that they are unfamiliar to you.

Avoid as much as possible situations and people that leave you feeling bad about yourself and spend more time concentrating on experiences which are likely to be successful and rewarding.

Cultivate good relationships - with yourself and others

Can you bear to be ordinary? Are you continually expecting more of yourself than you do of others? If you accept the troubles, mistakes and variability of other people, how about being happy with "good enough" in relation to yourself?

Involve others. Ask for support, feed-back, affection. Be prepared to say you don't know. Talk about yourself. Do not pretend or hide. Take care not to push other people away through being negative about yourself.

Join in with others. Do not assume you are not important; other people have an effect on you and you affect them. Most people are interested in making new friends, and friendships can begin at any time in life. Say hello; do not wait for other people to come to you. Smile. Be nice to others, volunteer, be helpful, pay compliments.

Take responsibility

It is no good waiting for others or circumstances to leave us feeling better about ourselves. So accept responsibility for your own actions: as we cannot make other people change, we need to make the changes ourselves.

 

[Halo]

Hi Steph,

I have to tell that you that I just got home from an 8 hour shift at my second job and decided to log on only moments ago. But I have to be honest with you and say that I don't think that I would have responded to your post had I seen it earlier as I wouldn't have known what to say. I am struggling with the same issue of low....actually make that no self esteem. It is not that I wouldn't have cared about your post or anything like that but I would have been more interested to see what others wrote as I would not have been much help.

Anyway, I am still interested to see what other people have to say and Steph, I am in the same boat as you and I feel like I have no paddle.

Take Care
Nancy

 

[healthbound]

How do I improve my self esteem?

I have a good life. I have a son who is the best boy in the world.

I have a full scholorship to nursing school and I have only a year to go.

But I am married to a man who doesn't love me anymore and I know because he told me.

Don't ask me to leave him because I am not doing that. I am too sensitive and I am sick of it.

How do I feel good about myself? Steph

It sounds like you are almost wondering why you don't feel better? It makes perfect sense to me that might not be feeling very good given what your husband told you. I think that would be extremely difficult for even the strongest of women. Maybe I'm not understanding what you're saying though?? Are you saying that you don't feel very good because your husband has told you that he doesn't love you anymore and therefore you are asking for suggestions about how to feel better about yourself - given your decision not to leave?

Similar to what TL wrote, I guess I wonder if your feelings, perceptions and experiences of yourself are closely tied to what your husband told you?

Regardless, it sounds there are some truly wonderful parts of your life in addition to this difficult and painful part.

 

[Steph]

Well Thank You,

I knew that I could count on all of you for a great response!

I do expect alot from myself all the time and I know that I should take it easy but my responsibliites never take a day off.

My son, my mom, my dad, and sometimes my husband need me and then there is my work and studies.? Me time is low on the list.

I feel bad that my husband doesn't love me and I feel that I am not good enough for anything sometimes.

But I am going to read and heed your suggestions and I appreciate your guidance.? Steph