seeking33
Member
I'm a senior in college, and I just survived THE Semester From Hell. My workload spiraled out of control resulting in me temporarily quitting my on-campus job, I had several field work sites I had to run around to every week without the benefit of my own car, and the professors I had were big-time bullies. I had 2 prof's that co-taught my hardest class, and they had no qualms about failing students for things like having absences or late arrivals NO questions asked (a problem when relying on public transportation in blizzard conditions) We worked under fear of severe penalty/automatic failure, and treated more like children than intelligent adults. By this I mean assigned seats every week, ALL assignments and projects chosen for us, and even physical control/restriction of movement within the classroom. I found these practices to be very degrading and demoralizing. Every student who has taken that class has given me a horror story, and now I know why!
The same applied to grading policies and if the prof. didn't like you, beware! I suspect that my penalty for missing the first day of class was my being given the wrong instructions for a final assignment and the subsequent loss of credit had I not raised a stink.
Essentially, it was 16 weeks of feeling like I had a gun pressed to my back to do my work. One long adrenaline rush...to the point that I developed weekly migraines that sent me home sick to my stomach. It didn't help that I had a major scare at work and narrowly avoided serious injury or worse when a metal filing cabinet fell on me and *guess what?* I had to miss class.
On top of all this, my field work placement went horribly wrong thanks to the school messing up my paperwork, and other red tape issues that very well could prevent me from graduating in a timely manner...and I've been working on my bachelor's for almost 6 years and counting.
I can't shake the frustrated feeling that no matter how hard I try, things are thrown in my path to stop me. I take all the right steps as prescribed by college advisers and officials, but everything still gets screwed up by utter carelessness.
It hit me coming home from my on-campus job one day: The mere thought of going back for another semester made me nauseated and anxious with a feeling of impending doom. I couldn't care less if I never went back again to finish my degree. Yet I'm financially obligated to. This is really the only thing keeping me there. If I didn't have to immediately start paying back my debt, I'd take a loooong vacation. Even if I had to work in a burger joint! I've lost all enthusiasm for the college experience long ago. I've lost my love of learning because of this recent experience. I just don't care.
The scary thing is, I'm on summer break and it's been over a month and I'm completely depressed. I should be out having fun and doing things, not staying in the house all by myself all day. But the energy just isn't there. It's as if I simply don't know what to do with myself if I'm not running around frantically loaded down with work. There's schoolwork, more work, and then an empty void. Last week I stayed home and cried my eyes out on a beautiful day when I should have been having fun. Obsessive, unpleasant thoughts keep intruding on me. A tragedy will happen on the news and I'll dwell on that and related unpleasant content all day. If I find morbid images on the Internet, I can't look away. I keep thinking about failing and I can't see anything for my life beyond college. Just a big blank.
I should be looking forward to possibly landing a real job soon and instead I'm scared and depressed. While I have lovely co-workers, I partially hate my job because it means spending all day on campus (a place I'm starting to despise), and the I know the money I earn won't make even a small dent in my debt. I will also be required to stop working during my final year when I begin student teaching. I love being in the classroom with the kids, it's just the process of getting there that I can't stand. I get angry at small things that normally are mildly annoying, and I have little patience for people. They just make me mad!
I'm just very, very unhappy with my life right now.
The same applied to grading policies and if the prof. didn't like you, beware! I suspect that my penalty for missing the first day of class was my being given the wrong instructions for a final assignment and the subsequent loss of credit had I not raised a stink.
Essentially, it was 16 weeks of feeling like I had a gun pressed to my back to do my work. One long adrenaline rush...to the point that I developed weekly migraines that sent me home sick to my stomach. It didn't help that I had a major scare at work and narrowly avoided serious injury or worse when a metal filing cabinet fell on me and *guess what?* I had to miss class.
On top of all this, my field work placement went horribly wrong thanks to the school messing up my paperwork, and other red tape issues that very well could prevent me from graduating in a timely manner...and I've been working on my bachelor's for almost 6 years and counting.
I can't shake the frustrated feeling that no matter how hard I try, things are thrown in my path to stop me. I take all the right steps as prescribed by college advisers and officials, but everything still gets screwed up by utter carelessness. It hit me coming home from my on-campus job one day: The mere thought of going back for another semester made me nauseated and anxious with a feeling of impending doom. I couldn't care less if I never went back again to finish my degree. Yet I'm financially obligated to. This is really the only thing keeping me there. If I didn't have to immediately start paying back my debt, I'd take a loooong vacation. Even if I had to work in a burger joint! I've lost all enthusiasm for the college experience long ago. I've lost my love of learning because of this recent experience. I just don't care.
The scary thing is, I'm on summer break and it's been over a month and I'm completely depressed. I should be out having fun and doing things, not staying in the house all by myself all day. But the energy just isn't there. It's as if I simply don't know what to do with myself if I'm not running around frantically loaded down with work. There's schoolwork, more work, and then an empty void. Last week I stayed home and cried my eyes out on a beautiful day when I should have been having fun. Obsessive, unpleasant thoughts keep intruding on me. A tragedy will happen on the news and I'll dwell on that and related unpleasant content all day. If I find morbid images on the Internet, I can't look away. I keep thinking about failing and I can't see anything for my life beyond college. Just a big blank.
I should be looking forward to possibly landing a real job soon and instead I'm scared and depressed. While I have lovely co-workers, I partially hate my job because it means spending all day on campus (a place I'm starting to despise), and the I know the money I earn won't make even a small dent in my debt. I will also be required to stop working during my final year when I begin student teaching. I love being in the classroom with the kids, it's just the process of getting there that I can't stand. I get angry at small things that normally are mildly annoying, and I have little patience for people. They just make me mad!
I'm just very, very unhappy with my life right now.
