Severe low self esteem and body image issues

[barbeliz]

Help, I am a woman in my early fortiies. I have been suffering with insecurity issues and distorted body image. It has been going on for some time now but I am getting to the point that I can't take it anymore and I see what it is doing to my husband and children.

I am 5ft 9" tall and weigh about {Admin edit: specific number}. I am exremely obsessed with my weight and working out. Last summer I got down to {Admin edit: specific number} and was told by everyone that I looked like I was dying. Now that I recently put on some weight, I am told that I look healthy and I don't like hearing that. Healthy means fat to me. It took alot of hard workouts about 3 times a day of lifting weights and barely eating to get to where I wanted to be and now I was recently diagnosed with carpal tunnel syndrome which was self inflicted from the weights ,and now I need surgery. Because I haven't been lifting, I gained the weight.

Everyone thinks I'm crazy. Even my therapist so I stopped seeing her. I am physically abusing my body from excessive workouts but I can't stop. I am told by everyone that I am attractive but I don't really believe it. When someone looks at me, I think it is because I am fat. I am getting paranoid and really out of control. I just want to look like what I see in magazines even though I know it is retouched.

I feel so unloved by my husband and we have been arguing constantly. He just doesn't understand how I feel and he thinks that I am ungrateful. I constantly am looking in the mirror and not liking what I see. I can't deal with getting older even though I don't look my age. I have a 20 yr. old daughter and I don't want her to become like me but at the same time I am a big influence on her and I need to stop. I want to love myself again.

Can anyone offer any advice. Thanks!

 

[ladylore]

Re: severe low self esteem and body image issues

First off - Welcome.

There is alot to read here that you may find helpful.

You also may want to reconsider therapy. If the last therapist wasn't a good match I would recommend finding another one.

Talk to your doctor - he/she could recommend someone.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You should definitely look into finding another therapist.

You may also want to talk to your doctor about medications that can be helpful with compulsive exercising and BDD. If your family doctor isn't familiar with the issues, ask for a referral to a psychiatrist or another physician who is.

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: Barbeliz :welcome: to Psychlinks

 

[barbeliz]

Thanks for the warm welcome

 

[forgetmenot]

welcome Barbeliz to psychlink

 

[lil freckle]

I think in able to deal with your current situation you have to find out why! Why do you feel so insecure about yourself? Is this just a recent issue? Have you been dealing with this your whole life? I think to be succesful in handling your image issues you need to look inside and see what REAL issues your hiding by distorting your body. "Your body is your temple" treat it like it is. I can relate to what your going through.

 

[HBas]

Hi and Welcome

I am dealing with some issues regarding just that and it is so funny how I felt the same as you when I picked up a few kg's and everybody started telling me that I look healty now. I really do look healty according to my weight, age and height and doctor but ... It is not healty to think like that, I agree that you should find a new therapist to find the real issues causing you to do and feel like this.

HB

 

[lil freckle]

I've always been a yo-yo eater/dieter. I even started doing drugs and obsessing over the way I looked. I loved the way my body felt in my hands but I didn't dare look at myself in a full length mirror. I went to treatment for the drugs, but that wasent the real problem. I started uncovering that I had been abused when I was a child. That is what I'm working thruough now. I have come to accept my body the way it is. I don't obsess. I eat what I want when I want and I'm still no whale. If I feel i've at too much at dinner I take my dog for a longer walk than usual. I think getting on a schedule has huge payoffs. your always busy theres no time to sit and ponder, "I ate too much, I need to do 50 extra sit ups" What also helped me was getting back to my roots! What did you enjoy doing when you were young or when you were ok with the way you looked? doing thoes things again will maximze your succsess rate! And I'm no psychologist...I just pulled through.