More threads by David Baxter PhD

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
Relationship advice revisited: Should you treat people like the family dog?
By Samantha Smithstein, Psy.D

Recently an article was written advising people to treat their partner like they treat the family dog. It was posited that we had much to learn from the joy of a pet-owner relationship that we could take into our other relationships to create more joy there as well. The only caveat to that article is that it presupposes that people have a loving, kind relationship with their pet - one that brings both pet and pet owner joy and fulfillment.

Over the past number of years, more and more attention has been paid to the link between animal and human maltreatment. This attention is relatively new - before 1990, only six states had felony provisions in their animal-cruelty laws; now 46 do. As recent as 2008, California voters passed a law requiring farms to give animals space to stand up, turn around, and stretch their limbs. And we still have a ways to go: in just April of this year, the U.S. Supreme Court struck down a federal law that outlawed the distribution of videos depicting graphic animal cruelty for entertainment, citing free speech.

But how we treat animals may not just be a matter of ethics and having empathy for the animal. There is a mounting body of evidence about the link between abuse of animals and serious crimes against other humans, such as domestic violence, spousal abuse, rape, drug trafficking, and homicide. In fact, the link between animal abuse and interpersonal violence is becoming so well established that many U.S. communities now cross-train social-service and animal-control agencies in how to recognize signs of animal abuse as possible indicators of other abusive behaviors. For example, in homes where there was domestic violence or physical abuse of children, the incidence of animal cruelty is close to 90 percent.

Research is bearing out what organizations such as PETA and the SPCA have known for a long time: there is a strong link between how we treat animals and how we treat each other, our fellow humans. Research is only capable of looking at individuals and their behaviors; in other words, if a person abuses an animal, what the likelihood is of that person abusing another person. It turns out that likelihood is pretty high - even for children and adolescents. It also turns out, interestingly enough, that one of the most promising methods for healing those whose empathic pathways have been stunted by things like repeated exposure to animal cruelty is, poetically enough, having such victims work with animals.

The question that remains is one related to animal cruelty at a societal level. In other words, is it possible that something similar might hold true for us on a larger scale? While most of us do not participate directly in the abusive and cruel treatment of animals raised for meat, for example, is it possible that our societal participation in the cruelty and abuse is affecting (and has an affect on) the way that we govern ourselves or treat other cultures or people? Many people might say this is a stretch, and certainly it would be difficult to measure. Difficult to measure, but perhaps not so difficult to imagine.

At the moment our human world is based on the suffering and destruction of millions of non-humans. To perceive this and to do something to change it in personal and public ways is to undergo a change of perception akin to a religious conversion. Nothing can ever be seen in quite the same way again because once you have admitted the terror and pain of other species you will, unless you resist conversion, be always aware of the endless permutations of suffering that support our society.
-Arthur Conan Doyle
 

Shanny

Member
Hi David, I read the title of this post and of course wanted to read more. I agree with what you stated here forsure but was wondering then how this would apply to the man( husband) who talks to thep dog , nutures the dog, and insists on walking the dog even during a heavy storm which is wonderful, but treats the dog in a manor that he can not seem to give his partner(wife). My friends,neighbors and now my teenage sons have made reference to his behavior concerning the dog to myself. It is observed that many of times that our dog is talked too and treated better then myself by him on a daily basis! He just gets more mad when people say this or I address it as it being hurtful to myself.

.So I am hoping your the guy to answer my question! For such a man of this nature,where would this behavior fall within the study? I hope you can help me answer the one question I haven't been able to answer for myself without feeling like I am making something big out of something little??? Thankyou Shanny
 

David Baxter PhD

Late Founder
That's a very different issue. If he is treating the dog well but not treating his wife and children well, I would say he has his priorities confused, or he simply has more affection for the dog than for his wife and children.
 

Shanny

Member
Hi David....It is the question that puzzles me. He is better in relationships that he doesn't have to fully connect in so I am guessing this is why. Thankyou for your reply and I am assuming it is a combination of both , but who really knows but him right!!
 
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