Sick of being in pain

[KDAshley]

Sweetie, I am 31 years old and am experiencing a very similar situation with feeling alone. I am one who has never really had close friends after senior year of high school. The person I always talked to was my mother...she is my best friend, however just in this last week she turned against me when making a decision to leave the boyfriend she never saw "Being Enough" for me. I thought the day of me leaving him would be the best day of her life! I don't know if you are someone who fears being alone but if you are anything like myself, we like knowing that there is someone to open up to aside from our signifigant other.
I would make sure to keep myself busy!!! I always pass my time when feeling lonely with working around the house. I seem to feel better when spending a lengthy amount of time doing laundry, cleaning, washing my car, laying out by my pool or reading books on whatever situation I may be going through. I have found reading on my situations in a book is identical to someone actually sitting there telling me, "I understand." I am someone who loves getting dressed and being out around new faces, but sometimes we are going through such a tough time that we do not even have the energy necessary to get ourselves in the shower to get pretty.
Is there any activities you enjoy doing when you're not with your husband or working? If you need someone to talk to {feel free to reply to this post}.

 

[why]

The new friendships thing will be hard, I admit. Something I know I will need to work ALOT on.
The getting "dumped", part was like the last straw. I held on to my sanity through mom's sudden death, caring for dad through his cancer immediately after, then coming back from his funeral and finding his house broken into. My husband was worried for me. But I was a trooper
So my "trust" is kaput. I know, baby steps...

 

[Jazzey]

The new friendships thing will be hard, I admit. Something I know I will need to work ALOT on.

Can I make a suggestion Why? And again, this is only from a personal perspective...As I stated earlier, I pushed people out of my life a few years ago. At the time, it was under the guise of "I need to focus on my career". I was lucky, a couple of friends stuck through despite my poor behaviours and recognized it as my protecting myself.

My suggestion is that you just focus on you for right now...See what it is that makes you happy. Do the things that make YOU happy. Once you get to that place again Why, those friends will come to you. Friendships don't always have to be difficult. If you're content in your life and doing the things that make you happy, it's amazing how people come out of the woodwork to share in that happiness. Even if they are just casual friends initially (if you know what I mean).

PS - Trust was/is still my issue too. It takes time to develop trust with anyone. But, you have to at least be open to getting to know new people. And, maybe this will only happen when you're feeling a little better? (again, you'll have to evaluate this for you I think )

Just wanted to give you a big of my context so you'd understand. Since 2001 I had a best friend with whom I shared everything. She's a few years younger than me. A few years ago, she made new friends, said a few terrible things to me and essentially ditched me. When she was ready to come back, I wasn't all that keen. Her behaviour kind of melded into other things that I'd experienced and I just couldn't trust ANYONE after that.

Now, we're best friends again - but it took a few years to get back to that, and many conversations about what had happened back then. To this day, even though I still love her and consider her a best friend, I'm reluctant to share too much with her because I'm terrified it'll be used as ammunition the next time she decides to ditch - but that's my issue, not hers. Which brings me back to square one - I'm focusing on what I love to do. I'm hoping to be open to new friendships. And if these don't crystallize very quickly, I'm ok with that too because I'm busy making a busy life for myself , full of the activities that "I" love...

 

[why]

Oh wow, KDA, your post really struck me a couple of times!

I don't know if you are someone who fears being alone but if you are anything like myself, we like knowing that there is someone to open up to aside from our signifigant other.

Therein actually lies my main problem with my marriage. I met my husband when I was 17. He essentially lived with my mom and me for about 10 years (there were some problems there). In hindsight, that wasn't a good thing. You see, essentially (for me) it was a three-person relationship. When mom died, my "buffer" was gone. My husband was close to my mom too, so when he had problems, he would go to her, and she always had "wise words". And "sometimes" she was able to get him to do things. I had lost old friendships. School friends that faded away etc. So it was just me, my husband, and mom. The three person relationship was now two...and it didn't work for me. I NEEDED that other person to talk to etc. There are other issues as well, that are related but that is "sort of" it in a nutshell.

And what you said about getting ready to go out? I soooo here you! Actually, I'm in a bit of a bad state right now...I sometimes don't get out of my bathrobe, or even brush my hair...for days (ick, I know). Yes, medication adjustment is needed....

Jazzey:

Yes, I need to find the THINGS that make me happy. It's funny...I'm a very social person really.