So dumb

[AmZ]

So dumb. I've been up to no good this evening.

The consequences of going and telling the nurses mean me losing my place in the rehabilitation program and being moved to the closed ward. Huge consequences.

I've 'gone to bed', laying here wide awake in the dark and am having thoughts about self-harming again.

 

[MHealthJo]

I am so sorry you are in such an awful feeling right now. Thinking of you.

If you have access to a library there, see if you can find a book called Climbing Out of Depression by Sue Atkinson. I don't know why, but this book feels (for me) like being hugged and supported and somehow feeling like "I'll be okay... Things are bad, but it's a process... it's a very tough journey but i can keep going somehow... I will get there..."

 

[AmZ]

Thanks Jo. I'll look in to getting this book online. There is a library but it has only a very small English section.

1.15am, 7.5 mg Imovane and 1 cup of warm milk later and I'm still awake.

I'm awfully worried about the consequences of what I've done tonight and don't know what to do. I haven't told the nurses what I did.