So lost

[Prophet]

Hi, you might know me already. I am Prophet, and just joined the forum recently.
I explained how I want to help others, but I also want to ask help of a problem I have.

This problem is so hard for me to describe. It is with my family, and a huge barrier in my path in life.

I know a lot of families have problem's, but my fighting family has a horrible affect on me emotionally and makes me so sad. I just don't no where to start. Almost every day is a fight with my family, and just a couple of minutes ago I had a huge surge of anger and sadness towards them. Ok, I better explain this.

To make a long story short:

My mom has a HUGE thing with being respectful, logical, and organized. Every day she complains to my father about how horrible her life is, and it makes me so stressed.

My Dad has to listen to her, which makes him stressed, and he recently had so much stress he felt super dizzy and had to lie down for a long time. (my Dad NEVER complains, so this scared me)

My brother is stressed by all this bickering too, so he keeps to himself and does his own thing, but I can tell it makes him sad too.

I am a teenager who is finding out who I am, and want to be good and please my parents more than anything in the world. But it is sooo hard when your mom in complaining about how horrible you are and always asking things of you. To be honest, I think she has a good heart but her obsession for perfectness in her life ruins her. I tell them how I feel but they think I am making it up or making a scene, but I just want things to be normal.

I really want to be the best person I can be, but I have so many problems with my family and am so dang sad! Can someone please help me?

Thanks,
Prophet

 

[Retired]

Prophet,

Sorry to hear about the discord in your home between your parents. Has this pattern of agression existed a long time or is it a recent development? Does the agression ever escalate into physical violence between your parents or toward you and/or your brother?

There are limits as to what you can do to change the behaviour of your parents other than express how their behaviour makes you feel and how it affects your sense of well being while at home.

As you become an adult, there may be times when the behaviour of others may try to undermine you, but your inner strength, personal convictions and self confidence should help you resist identifying yourself by the inappropriate or malicious behaviour of others.

The problem is .......with my family, and a huge barrier in my path in life.

Would you elaborate on how their behaviour is presenting a barrier in your path in life? Does it have to do with your education, your social relationships, your financial independence?

How far away are you from leaving the home to start your own life, Prophet?

 

[Prophet]

This problem has been going on in a serious way for about a year, when my parents decided to move again so my dad could travel less and be here to be with the family more. There were a lot of small arguments up until then, but when we moved, and my mom decided she hates our new school, the arguments got a LOT more frequent, and I just never seem to get along with them anymore.

No, my dad has hit me for discipline a couple of times, but FOR SURE not abuse. He has also never done anything to harm my mom. He just listens to what she says, but then tells her how he hates her complaining and that things will work themselves out.

Ok, believe it or not, I am very mature beyond my years (everyone I meet tells me that), but I am thirteen and in seventh grade.

What I mean by a huge barrier in my path in life is that I so desperately want to fully understand who I am, and what I want to do in life. I want my parents, especially my mom, to see that I have the potential to be very successful. But also that this is MY life, not theirs.

But it's not just about me, it's about the whole stupid situation. As I said, I just want things to be normal.

 

[forgetmenot]

It is so hard living in a family with so much noise and anger i get that hun. I think if you can talk to a coucillor at your school okay a teacher someone you can confide in
It helps to talk to let go of some of the confusion. A councillor at your school can help you by perhaps giving you different ways to respond to your mother Perhaps she or he can talk to your parents as well if you want about how their behavior is affecting you. Just know hun none of this is your fault okay It is the adults that need awake up call
The best thing you can do is to get some help for YOU. Talk to councillor okay it will help hugs

 

[Prophet]

Thanks Eclipse. I will take your advice and definitely talk to someone. Hugs back

 

[Raina]

Hi Prophet,

I am glad you are going to talk to someone at your school....it sounds like your mom has something bothering her and complaining is her way of crying out...sometimes that happens...I am glad that you feel she has a good heart but that is just her behaviour that is causing you distress...that you can work with....if it starts to affect your performance at school maybe someone needs to talk to the family and let them know what is bothering you. Maybe if she knew she was having a damaging impact on you she might come out and say what is the root cause of her behaviour and look at different ways of expressing her discontent...that won't affect you so much...family life is tough though...few of us have it great...I had it awful and was lost too...so I can empathize...

Keep venting and keep looking for ways to get through to your mom...I found even in an abusive home there were ways to get through to my parents on certain points to stop certain behaviours from going on...good luck Prophet...I hope you find some help both here and at school...

 

[Prophet]

Thanks for the support Raina!