TiredMom57
Member
My son and his wife are having some major marital problems. She opened up to me when we were there for the birth of their 2nd child in May. During that pregnancy, she had placenta previa and they couldn't have intercourse. She was crying the 1st night home from the hospital, but we all thought it was the baby blues. She confided in me that something was wrong with their relationship.
She said he was cold, mean, and distant. As time went on, we talked a lot to her and our son. About 2 months ago, she discovered he was having an affair....probably b/c of the placenta previa issue, but still in all no excuse for it! The day she confronted him and he admitted it, she told him to leave. He left and stayed gone for about a week. During that time, they talked some especially in the middle of the night when neither of them could sleep. He went back home after that week.
Before her discovery, they started going to therapy both separately and as a couple. When he came back after the week, he made wonderful gestures to her....flowers, etc. Last week, he felt it wasn't right and left on his own. He stayed gone for a night but then went back and made a huge gesture by going to talk to her parents and tell them that everything was going to be OK.
Well, it's not! His feelings go back and forth. He tells us that he's trying and knows the life he wants. He broke it off with this other woman right after the discovery. He just can't get a grip on his feelings. He tells his wife that his feelings change and he's continuously confused, but wants to make this work. He tells us how hard it is, but knows that his life with his family is what he wants.
I know my husband (his dad) and I shouldn't be involved but our daughter-in-law confided in us and we didn't want to push her away. She says that one day he's very sweet, loving and reassuring her that everything's OK. The next day he's distant and doesn't want to be bothered. He went Monday of this week for bloodwork to check his hormones. He's agreed today to get a psychiatric evaluation.
I'd really like some input, advice, anything from someone about our situation. I've been angry with him, sad with him, told him this other woman would NEVER be accepted into our family, etc. My husband and I are now to the point that we have said and done everything we can.
Before the affair was disclosed, he had very bizarre behavior doing things that were so out of character for him. He's always been an independent, self motivated person.
He's always been neat in his appearance. Looking back at the time of the affair, he grew a beard (something he's never done), wore a dorky hat (again something he's never done), etc. Our daughter-in-law has accepted him back...twice...with open arms, but she's getting to the point of angry.....says she's the victim yet he's the one who's feelings are being evaluated and getting excuses for what he's done to her.
He withdraws and she immediately panics and tries to draw him back in and they get into it again and again and she says if he leaves one more time she's done.
Thanks for the help!
She said he was cold, mean, and distant. As time went on, we talked a lot to her and our son. About 2 months ago, she discovered he was having an affair....probably b/c of the placenta previa issue, but still in all no excuse for it! The day she confronted him and he admitted it, she told him to leave. He left and stayed gone for about a week. During that time, they talked some especially in the middle of the night when neither of them could sleep. He went back home after that week.
Before her discovery, they started going to therapy both separately and as a couple. When he came back after the week, he made wonderful gestures to her....flowers, etc. Last week, he felt it wasn't right and left on his own. He stayed gone for a night but then went back and made a huge gesture by going to talk to her parents and tell them that everything was going to be OK.
Well, it's not! His feelings go back and forth. He tells us that he's trying and knows the life he wants. He broke it off with this other woman right after the discovery. He just can't get a grip on his feelings. He tells his wife that his feelings change and he's continuously confused, but wants to make this work. He tells us how hard it is, but knows that his life with his family is what he wants.
I know my husband (his dad) and I shouldn't be involved but our daughter-in-law confided in us and we didn't want to push her away. She says that one day he's very sweet, loving and reassuring her that everything's OK. The next day he's distant and doesn't want to be bothered. He went Monday of this week for bloodwork to check his hormones. He's agreed today to get a psychiatric evaluation.
I'd really like some input, advice, anything from someone about our situation. I've been angry with him, sad with him, told him this other woman would NEVER be accepted into our family, etc. My husband and I are now to the point that we have said and done everything we can.
Before the affair was disclosed, he had very bizarre behavior doing things that were so out of character for him. He's always been an independent, self motivated person.
He's always been neat in his appearance. Looking back at the time of the affair, he grew a beard (something he's never done), wore a dorky hat (again something he's never done), etc. Our daughter-in-law has accepted him back...twice...with open arms, but she's getting to the point of angry.....says she's the victim yet he's the one who's feelings are being evaluated and getting excuses for what he's done to her.
He withdraws and she immediately panics and tries to draw him back in and they get into it again and again and she says if he leaves one more time she's done.
Thanks for the help!
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