Son's self-esteem during transition ages

[PRJM]

My son is one of the most eager and outgoing 10 year olds you could ever meet. He's very active always participating in school activities and teams and plays organized sports year round. He has always been happy just to be play and be involved not really realizing or letting the fact that he is not a naturally gifted athelete get in his way.

His attitude seems to be changing though as he's becoming aware of the nature of competition and that there are going to be other children at a higher skill level than him. I know this is a lesson not only in sports but one that reflects life in general that I can not, nor would I want to shelter him from but I do want to do what I can to keep him postive and not develop a negative self-esteem.

 

[forgetmenot]

Find out what he likes he enjoys let him try many things hun
He will find something he does well in then go with that
Music sports arts drama let him try a variety of outlets

 

[MHealthJo]

It's wonderful that you are so in tune with his development and want to support it so positively.

Maybe these ideas you probably already do:

With my nieces it has seemed quite good to regularly help the child to know that they have their OWN strengths, and many ways that they are special, regularly praising the positive things we see in them and noticing/mentioning whatever their special features are, and whatever we see them do well or work hard at.

Even simple things to do with home life, chores, caring for others, helping someone, their personality, sense of humour, smile, energy, spirit. Maybe suggesting how great it is to have that trait - how it can help them; cool things it could enable them to do; cool future possibilities that can come from their unique strengths.

And then in conjunction with that (perhaps when they express worry/reluctance about something they aren't as good at), talking about how nobody can be 'the best' or wonderful at everything, or at the same things. People have DIFFERENT strong points and things they are good at. (And how sometimes, people are older before they find the particular thing they are especially unusually strong in! They might be incredible at something, but haven't discovered what it is yet!) - and that that is okay, and makes things interesting.... Valuing individuality and enjoyment - you don't have to be wonderful at something to still enjoy participating.

Mainly just being sure that value is put on the things that are really important and more within the child's control, and helping them learn that good, worthwhile friends will like them for their own individuality, positive interactions as a person, etc - that they do not have to be the best at some activity or other for people to like them, to have friends, to have high value as a person, etc etc.

I think having chances to find their own individual strengths and interests and enjoyments, and being praised for those, and maybe knowing some friends with some common interests, can be really valuable. And just to know that there is certainly no pressure, need, or expectation for them to be competitive or gifted at sport, or any one particular activity; it is about them enjoying themselves.

 

[Budoaiki]

PRJM,

Does he have any particular hobbies and or skills that he's either shown a particular interest in or aptitude for?