Still no trust

[forgetmenot]

My medication cipralex help decrease my anxiety but still i really do not trust people really I think they are still out to hurt me that i am better off alone. I have changed a bit talking more to my therapist trusting him more but i still can't i still hold back People can cause so much pain deep pain that is everlasting pain I think no amt of medication will take that away. Therapy yes helps some but then your therapist is trained to get you to trust them some. I still don't trust people really i wish the medication would help with that but it hasn't
I have always been a loner really because i just can't allow more pain Why is it everytime i let someone in it hurts so much because they leave they always leave Medication can't take that pain away at least i haven't found it to be so

 

[Daniel E.]

Why is it everytime i let someone in it hurts so much because they leave they always leave

What about enjoying relationships while they last? Surely, most relationships don't last a lifetime, so they are bound to end sometime.

 

[forgetmenot]

IT hurts to much i don't know i can t explain what do i know about relationships really friends nothing just believes of my own maybe not correct ones. People say things make promises that are not kept. When one is thrown away so often one should know not to let the connection get too close one should know it is not everlasting I don't why it hurts so much but each time it hurts as much as the last. I am lucky to have had a friend that cared I wish the pain was not so great but it is that is me noone elses doing

 

[Retired]

Medication should not be thought of as a magic wand that can shield us from the realities of life and the world.

Your doctor prescribed Cipralex because of your particular diagnosis. The medication is intended to treat the symptoms of the illness or disorder that was diagnosed, but will not protect against events that might trigger the symptoms.

Your therapist can provide you with the coping strategies you need to deal with the life events that cause you distress, but perhaps the advice given to me many years ago may help. I was told," Don't expect too much from people, and you won't be disappointed." We sometimes have greater expectations from people than those people are capable of delivering, thereby setting ourselves up for disappointment.

By giving a relationship time to develop, we can assess what we can realistically expect from the other person. Some relationships will deliver very little, by their very nature or because of the the interest of the other party. On the other hand, there are those few, extremely valuable and cherished relationships that will deliver more than you could have ever expected.

There are more of the transient and uncommitted relationships in life than those wonderfully devoted long term relationships.

Could it be your expectations are greater than what these people can or are willing to provide?

 

[forgetmenot]

um maybe i just take people words for what they are If they make promises then don't follow through then i would rather they not make promises. I take friedshipe as something very serious very loyal and i would not give up a friendship so easily or walk away not without giving an explanation first. Don't call me dearest friend if i am not okay don't call me friend at all because for someone who has had no friends Like i say you are right i maybe expected too much my definition of a friend is so far off from others I am to the point i realize that acquaintances is all i ever will have and that is better than having nothing The word friend to me means way so much way too much i guess than others. I just would not walk away from a true friend but then i should of known better. thanks for the explanation next time i will not expect too much of people I am grateful for the time that was spent. i just hope all is well for such friend thats all it is hard not knowing Medication was given for anxiety and depression it was not given for the pain that comes from losses your right.

 

[Domo]

I feel the same way Violet. My definition of friendship has never matched that of those who have come and of course gone.

The meaning is never matched.

I'm glad that you are able to be glad for that time spent. Better then being bitter.

 

[Marcel]

I can't stop them from leaving Violet - but I do understand your pain. :support:

Not everyone leaves though, and of those that leave, they don't all leave at the same time. If you look around, I bet you'll find some friends are still there - and that you are not alone.

 

[forgetmenot]

I know but i am so afraid they will leave to so i try not to invest too much you know I appreciate all who are here i do but i am now limiting myself because i can't keep losing people i can't I don't want the pain i don't need it thanks for all who understand I am not one to be bitter just don 't understand I am so weak it is pathetic I understand now not to invest too much or expect too much like i said i should of know not to expect too much i understand. Thanks to everyone here they have been so kind so understanding god thats why perhaps it hurts so much when they leave.

 

[Marcel]

I hear what you are saying. I know it is a cliche but...

Reason, Season, or Lifetime Friends

When someone is in your life for a reason, it is usually to meet a need you have expressed outwardly or inwardly. S/he has come to assist you through a difficulty, to provide you with guidance and support, to aid you physically, emotionally, or spiritually.

S/he is there to meet a need. Then without any wrongdoing on your part or at an inconvenient time, s/he will say or do something to bring the relationship to an end. Sometimes s/he dies. Sometimes s/he walks away. Sometimes s/he acts up or out and forces you to take a stand. What we must realize is that the need has been met.

When a person comes into your life for a season, it is because your turn has come to share, grow, or learn. S/he may bring you an experience of peace or make you laugh. S/he may teach you something you have never done. S/he usually gives you an unbelievable amount of joy.

Lifetime relationships teach you lifetime lessons. Those things you must build upon in order to have a solid emotional foundation. You must accept the lesson, love the person/people anyway, and put what you have learned to use in all other relationships and areas of your life.

Source: Anonymous

What I try to focus on when someone leaves, are the new people that are on the horizon - with new stories to share, jokes to tell. And if I didn't lose some people, I just wouldn't have enough time to communicate with the new ones.....there are only so many hours in the day, and a person needs to leave themselves enough time for the necessities in life like brushing and flossing right?

 

[forgetmenot]

lol you are so right thanks for that off to brush and yes floss take care okay

 

[Murray]

I wish I knew what to say Violet, it does hurt to lose friends. I tend to not let anyone get close enough to hurt me I am constantly waiting for the inevitable rejection (this is something that I am working on).

I think you are amazing that you can open yourself up and care enough about people to risk that pain. Your kindness and caring are gifts. You are not weak and pathetic, you are brave to take a chance on people. Yes, they will sometimes let you down, but sometimes you have a wonderful connection with another human being- if only for a little while. It is hard not to get bitter or discouraged, but there are still worthwhile people out there who are worth the risk. I hope that you won't give up on people and isolate yourself.

What I try to focus on when someone leaves, are the new people that are on the horizon - with new stories to share, jokes to tell. And if I didn't lose some people, I just wouldn't have enough time to communicate with the new ones.....there are only so many hours in the day, and a person needs to leave themselves enough time for the necessities in life like brushing and flossing right?

BTW I thought this was great! Thanks Buffy55

 

[forgetmenot]

I liked what Buffy said too Murray I wish i could explain the intense pain and sadness I don't know why it has to be so hard. Realistically logically i don't really know these people just their words but with each one that leaves it hurts even more. I talked to my therapist about this how sometimes i blame myself for their leaving i fear i said something to make them go or get them in trouble. ONe minute there here then there gone I want them back but i know it is not going to happen oh god now i am being stupid sorry. I know now what i need to do thanks for all your comments and insights they have helped greatly.

 

[Domo]

I liked what Buffy said too Murray I wish i could explain the intense pain and sadness I don't know why it has to be so hard. Realistically logically i don't really know these people just their words but with each one that leaves it hurts even more. I talked to my therapist about this how sometimes i blame myself for their leaving i fear i said something to make them go or get them in trouble. ONe minute there here then there gone I want them back but i know it is not going to happen oh god now i am being stupid sorry. I know now what i need to do thanks for all your comments and insights they have helped greatly.

Because everytime it happens you think it's going to be different and it never is. Promises that never should have been made in the first place.

You are not being stupid.

I'm not the best person to talk to about things like this. I want to tell you to just jump into every relationship with an open heart. Love like you have never been broken

 

[Murray]

Violet, you are not being stupid- not at all. I can totally relate to your feeling that you are somehow to blame when people leave, but you are not. They are probably just dealing with issues that make it too difficult for them to be available right now. Maybe they just need some time to gather their strength again. It is so hard to accept, but I am sure that they know you care and don't mean to hurt you. Did your therapist help you with this at all?

 

[forgetmenot]

Yup you understand Domo and yes my therapist tried to get me to see how it could not be my fault they left but sometimes it seemed that way because after our post the were gone.
Promises maybe were meant when said but circumstances didn't allow the promises to be kept YOur right Domo everytime i think okay it will be different but it isn't oh god dam past dam it The pain never goes away you want things to be different but there not People hurt okay they may not mean to but they do I just have to somehow toughen up smarten up grow up and stop being a complete idiot I just want so much to understand but somehow the translation of friends mean so much different to me than to others. I am starting to understand that now I am grateful for the friends i have here you all have help me so much thank you

 

[Jazzey]

Yes, sometimes people disappoint Violet. But 99.9% of the time, they really don't mean to. And no personal affront was ever intended. You're a good person Violet. If anyone hurt you, I'm almost certain they didn't mean to. :hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

I know that i know they don't mean too that is the problem i knowthat but i am hurt inside anyways the problem is me i knowthat oh god i know the problem is me okay I am glad to see you back and hope you are well take care okay as always take care oh you don't know how much i hurt and knowing it is me only makes it worse take care okay i don't know why i hate me so much but ido I am happy you are well Jazzey take care

 

[Jazzey]

There's absolutely nothing wrong with you, Violet. You just struggle with trust issues, as many of us do - particularly given your history (and mine). Thank you for welcoming me back, Violet. I missed some members here - of whom - you. I'm sorry for the disappearing act Violet. Just know that it had nothing to do with anyone here.

And I hope that you can find a way to stop hating yourself very soon Violet- you don't deserve it. :hug: