Strange Shyness Issues

[matt4]

I've been shy like this for years now. I find it difficult to make eye contact or even talk with girls. As for conversations.. they lead to a gaps of nothing to say. I try and conceal this all as best as I can however I am single and never been with someone (not the end of the world but yeh).

I find I am okay with close friends/family but nobody outside that. I think its some sort of disorder, I would just like to feel confident and feel like I have a personality of sorts.

How many people can relate to that? Are there any meds that people are on to manage thigs like this?

Thanks

 

[Halo]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

Hi Matt,

Do you find that it is mostly girls that you are shy around or is it girls, guys and pretty much everyone?

 

[matt4]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

Pretty much everyone unfortunately

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

Some resources that may help:

Shyness, Social Anxiety, and Social Phobia: PsychLinks.ca

Anxiety, phobia, and shyness resources on the net - Psychlinks Psychology Self-Help & Mental Health Forum

Amazon.com: The Feeling Good Handbook: David D. Burns: Books

 

[ladylore]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

It also takes time to meet and get to know new people. It is actually a slow process in getting to know someone new.

I took the Myers-Brigg test recently and found out I am an INFJ. Introverted, Intuitive, Feeling and Judgement. Fit me to a T. I really and not a social butterfly at a party, talking to everyone but I do love being in the midst of the buzz around me.

I am learning how to compensate for my shyness. And being ok with it too.

 

[Retired]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

As for conversations.. they lead to a gaps of nothing to say

Matt,

This happens in the best of situations, especially when people are getting to know one another. There isn't a lot of common knowledge on which to draw for spontaneous conversation, so the task is to collect information.

Using the strategies of news reporters, who ask:

Who, What, When Where and Why

You can formulate questions using these prepositions to follow up on what the other person just told you.

I think its some sort of disorder

Why do you feel it's some kind of disorder, instead of, perhaps not enough practice in social situations?

What do you feel is the worst case scenario if you engage in a conversation with a girl, that makes you apprehensive?

(You'll notice I've just asked you two questions using the WWWWW principle)

If you are comfortable with family and close friends, would you feel comfortable in asking your closest most trusted friend to do some role playing with you to practice these techniques?

Have you ever talked to your doctor about this?

Looking forward to your comments.

 

[matt4]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

Matt,

This happens in the best of situations, especially when people are getting to know one another. There isn't a lot of common knowledge on which to draw for spontaneous conversation, so the task is to collect information.

Using the strategies of news reporters, who ask:

Who, What, When Where and Why

You can formulate questions using these prepositions to follow up on what the other person just told you.



Why do you feel it's some kind of disorder, instead of, perhaps not enough practice in social situations?

What do you feel is the worst case scenario if you engage in a conversation with a girl, that makes you apprehensive?

(You'll notice I've just asked you two questions using the WWWWW principle)

If you are comfortable with family and close friends, would you feel comfortable in asking your closest most trusted friend to do some role playing with you to practice these techniques?

Have you ever talked to your doctor about this?

Looking forward to your comments.

I'm back again... sorry I had been busy with college and my projects.

I find it difficult to remember procedures. Such as the WWWWW principle.

I feel it's a disorder because I've tried literally everything to overcome it and nothing works. I haven't spoken to my doctor about it. I'm scared about talking to my doctor about that (probably pride and just plan scared)

I really don't know what to do and it's making me depressed.

Thanks,

 

[Retired]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

I haven't spoken to my doctor about it. I'm scared about talking to my doctor about that (probably pride and just plan scared)

There is nothing you can say to your doctor that's going to shock, frighten or drive him/her away. Your doctor is not going to judge you.

People go for years without revealing their darkest deepest secret to their doctors because they think their behaviour or condition is unique to them, and no one in the world has ever heard about such a thing.

The fact is if you are experiencing something, then other people are experiencing it as well. And there's a pretty good chance there is a name for it, and perhaps even a teatment for it.

I can guarantee you this: when you get together the courage to start the conversation with your doctor, and when your doctor say's , "Matt, it sounds like you have such and such" there will be the greatest sense of relief coming over you that you have ever felt.

Knowing that what you do or what you have, actually has a name, and that you are not the only one in the world is the greatest relief....and the first step to recovery or correcting the situation.

Make an appointment to see your doctor, and start the conversation!

We can help you role play that conversation, if you wish.

 

[Into The Light]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

i just wanted to say that even though talking to your doctor is scary, you have so much to gain from doing that. also, by taking that step, you will no longer be paralyzed with the problem. talking to your doctor would be taking control of the situation, which will help with your feeling depressed about it.

i know this kind of thing can be scary, but it is well worth the effort

 

[matt4]

Re: Strange Shyness Issues..

Thanks for all the help guys.

I am still nowhere near booking a appointment with a doctor. I'm scared, Shy and I don't know what it is but just cant bring myself to do it.

Meanwhile the feeling of being stuck in a pit of a life hangs over my head day after day