Strong reaction... transference?

[Murray]

I had a very strong and sudden reaction in therapy and was wondering if maybe it was some form of transference. We were working on some rather uncomfortable stuff and everything was okay...I mean I was upset... but nothing too drastic. Then, all of the sudden I was just convinced that my therapist was angry and annoyed with me- that he wanted to start screaming at me. It was such a strong feeling. I even told him that I felt like he was really annoyed with me. He assured me that he wasn't annoyed with me at all as I was working so hard, but I still felt sure that he was mad at me.

Anyway, I'm not sure if this is transference or if maybe he really was mad at me and just not hiding it very well or something else. It just seemed to change so quickly like a switch was flipped which is why I wondered about where it came from. I haven't seen to many post on stuff like this so I was wondering if anyone has any thoughts or experiences like this.

 

[Banned]

Re: strong reaction...transference?

Hey Murray,

I'm not sure if that's transference or not. I don't really have alot of knowledge in the matter. I can tell you that I think it's cool that you spoke up and told your therapist what you were feeling - that you felt like he was annoyed with you. It gives you the chance to seek clarity and feedback on the issue.

I've experienced it several times myself where I was convinced my therapist hated me or was mad at me or any other number of negative emotions. When I asked about I was always assured that wasn't the case. In my own instances, I think it was more attachment issues - I have major fears of abandonment and was always afraid if I upset my therapist they'd dump me in a second.

So basically...I don't know if it's transference, but I'm glad you spoke up, and wanted to assure you that you're not alone in feeling that.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: strong reaction...transference?

I think depending on what you were working on it could be transference what did your therapist say about this. I don't really get fearful in my therapy it is usually afterward i do when i leave i think i get a bit paranoid in that i think my therapist is mad at me. It is interesting it happened like you said a switch turning on as if a certain trigger was pushed I would definetly ask if it could be transference next time you go. interesting post

 

[Murray]

Re: strong reaction...transference?

I've experienced it several times myself where I was convinced my therapist hated me or was mad at me or any other number of negative emotions. When I asked about I was always assured that wasn't the case. In my own instances, I think it was more attachment issues - I have major fears of abandonment and was always afraid if I upset my therapist they'd dump me in a second.

So basically...I don't know if it's transference, but I'm glad you spoke up, and wanted to assure you that you're not alone in feeling that.

Thanks Turtle, I don't really know either. It isn't unusual for me to feel disliked or like an annoyance to everyone, my therapist included. Like you I also have some abandonment and trust issues that creep up and I am sure cause some of these feelings. It's good to know I am not alone in my insecurities.

I think depending on what you were working on it could be transference what did your therapist say about this. I don't really get fearful in my therapy it is usually afterward i do when i leave i think i get a bit paranoid in that i think my therapist is mad at me. It is interesting it happened like you said a switch turning on as if a certain trigger was pushed I would definetly ask if it could be transference next time you go. interesting post

We were working on some issues regarding my uncle abusing me as a child and my therapist was being nice and supportive and then I heard him sigh and suddenly I was sure he hated me and was so angry with me. He told me he wasn't annoyed, but I keep thinking it isn't as if he would tell me that he was annoyed with me. He would of course be polite and tell me that he wasn't annoyed. He did tell me that he could see that there was a definite change in the way I was reacting to him from earlier in the session. I may ask about it next week.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: strong reaction...transference?

Perhaps the sigh reminded you of your uncle a trigger so to speak and you felt the past anger the past emotions from this. sometimes it just takes a sound of the past a reaction that sends you back to then.

 

[Murray]

Re: strong reaction...transference?

You are probably right Violet. It is so weird how our brains work.
I have noticed that sounds and smells especially will sometimes bring back things from the past. As I am thinking about it now, I think that the sigh makes me think more of my dad rather than of my uncle. I think it was because of my dad being angry with me for me talking about what happened. So maybe since I was talking about this stuff in therapy and then heard a sigh I just felt like he would be angry with me. I don't know, I feel like I am not making any sense at all. Sorry

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: strong reaction...transference?

No you are making perfect sense my anger comes from nowhere often triggered from circumstance a situtation that brings back such unjustices. I am sorry you were made to stay quiet that must of hurt you terrible. I am glad you are able to now get it all out take care okay.

 

[Murray]

Thanks Violet. It was just disconcerting to have this strong feeling. I didn't think that it bothered me not to talk about it until I typed that, which is so weird. It is so funny how we can be so completely unaware of much of what goes on in our minds.
Anyway, I didn't get angry with him, I was just convinced that he was angry with me. I think that I will mention it next week to see what he has to say and to make sure that he really wasn't actually mad at me.

 

[Murray]

Well I did mention this to my therapist this week and he assured me that he wasn't angry with me at all. He said that he actually thinks that I am a very kind person and he couldn't see responding to me with anger or meanness. He said that he thought that I was projecting this. So, I guess I don't understand the difference between projection and transference. Maybe it is essentially the same thing?

 

[Daniel E.]

So, I guess I don't understand the difference between projection and transference. Maybe it is essentially the same thing?

Yes, it's just semantics as far as I am concerned. Someone can correct me, but I think one projects onto others as a result of or during transference.

 

[Murray]

Thanks Daniel, that's sort of what I was thinking.

 

[SoSo]

Hi Murray,
I have the same reaction when someone does a sigh or tuts when I am trying to talk. My mother did this to me all the time. Now, if I hear the tut especially, I get defensive, like what the heck have I done wrong this time type of feeling. With the sigh, I feel, oh, mother, am I boring you but she is no where near. I wish I didn't have those reactions but now at least I know I am not alone.
SoSo

 

[Murray]

It's funny, but I never realized that I had those reactions. I mentioned to my husband that I had this strong reaction to hearing my therapist sigh and he said that I always react badly to hearing sighs. I guess I never noticed this. Weird how I could have been reacting like this, assuming people were angry with me, every time I hear a sigh and never making the connection as to what sets me off. I have just been assuming that people are angry with me a lot of the time and that I must be a really horrible person since people are always mad at me. It is interesting to think that maybe it is just an assumption on my part that they are mad at me, at least some of the time.

 

[busybee]

Hey Murray, gee some big issues happening here. When it comes to triggers that cause you to recollect a certain event, they can come out of the blue and blindside us. Writing it down does help to identify what is happening. Thank you for sharing

 

[healthbound]

Hey Murray - awesome awareness!
Noticing your sudden reaction, asking your therapist directly if he is angry, noticing that his answer didn't fit how you were feeling (or perceiving the situation) and questioning yourself to see if there was perhaps something else going. Cool.

When I was younger, words and actions did not jive so I had to make my own observations about what behaviors were ok and what behaviors were not. It was a tricky game because a certain behavior could be acceptable one moment, but completely unacceptable the next. So I had to become acutely aware of minor changes in tone, mood and movement (or lack thereof) to determine how to be. But as I got older it became too confusing and literally impossible to read all cues correctly and more importantly - to become what I thought I was supposed to be based on every ones cues! Anyway, I actually spent a few years really confused about the validity of my perceptions. I was certain that I was correct about interpreting peoples nuances and I was also certain all their nuances had to do with reacting to me, lol

Sounds like you have some great awareness and are doing some great work.