Struggling with ADD, learning problems, and feeling stupid

[Penseroso]

I have ADD and other learning disabilities. Despite reasoning with myself until my eyes bubble, I continue to feel utterly stupid--and useless.

As the founder & administrator of several groups, one of which has very intelligent, learned, well read members, I feel a fool.

To add insult to injury, I've both an unquenchable thirst for knowledge (sadly lacking) and am an insatiable bibliophile who can "read" only via audio books. I greatly enjoy ironic & dry humor, but have never been able to laugh at this. I wish I could! ** "big ouchie" as my niece used to say **


I've been away so very long...perhaps I should re-introduce myself... After bouts of deep depression, moving, abuse, and other alarms and diversions, I never came back here. And I'm feeling awkward, daunted and shy --unusual for me, but it's been far too long since I last spoke of these feelings.

Today I realized I needed the comradery and support of others who understand, and remembering how much I like this community, I decided to post, however incoherently. To be among others who understand, refrain from judging, and dislike the stigma and stupid, cruel misconceptions commonly attached to mental illness is a great comfort. So, I'm posting--just venting & letting some of the poison out without regard for how incoherent this is. I know that if I waited I'd not post for...months, if ever.

Of the 4 remaining members of my family, two--especially my brother, view me with preconceived notions, not bothering to get to know me. The smug complacency makes me feel angry and bitter, which of course provokes further depression and stress. I need to be with, albeit in cyberspace, others who understand and don't easily judge or dismiss mental problems and learning disabilities with that ubiquitous attitude of "if only you weren't too lazy to use your will power to overcome your problems."

I know very well that anger and simmering bitterness are far from admirable, but perhaps understandable. (I hope.)

I'd much appreciate any feedback from other members who have any of the problems I do and/or have similar feelings.

I will provide what support I can, now that I've got my feet wet again.

I've no gems of wisdom, for all my 43 years, but I'm good at listening--or so I've been told. If you need an ear, I'll listen; if you need a shoulder, mine's available.


Whew. I've posted. *crawling back into isolation w/ an audio book*

Hugs to anyone who needs 'em,

Cynthia The Confused

 

[HA]

Re: Struggling w/ ADD & Other Learning Probs & Feeling so stupid

Cynthia, it's nice to have you back with us! With your wealth of experience you can be a wonderful resource to those with similar struggles. (Just a reminder for you)

Your post is very coherent and clear, even though you may not "feel" like you are being coherent and clear. Your simmering anger and bitterness regarding your family members not understanding and being compassionate is completely understandable. Of all people you would think our loved ones would at least be compassionate! How tragic that this is not how it is for many people who struggle with learning disabilities or mental health problems.

Because you have learning differences, does not mean that you are less of a person, Cynthia (just another reminder of what you know).

I think all of us can relate to the loss of not being able to do certain things. Everyone of us has things that we are not able to do for many reasons but to focus on what we can't do instead of what we can do is just such a waste of time and energy.....you know what I mean?

With these kinds of losses I guess we have to think about it and be sad and angry every now and then....it's part of life.

I'm really interested to know more about your audio books and how you work with them. I was thinking about trying these with my son who has schizophrenia and can no longer read which is really hard for him.

I'm glad you did not wait 4 months to post

 

[ThatLady]

Re: Struggling w/ ADD & Other Learning Probs & Feeling so stupid

Cynthia, ADD and learning disabilities don't mean you're stupid. You know that! People learn in different ways. For some, learning by reading works well. Others learn best by being shown. Still others learn better by hearing the material to be learned. Like you, my brother is one of the latter.

I tutored several subjects in college, and came across several people who were having difficulties. When we tried recording the material to be learned so they could play it back to themselves, the results were so much better for them. What they thought the could never do, they found they could do - they just did it differently. It's the differences amongst us that make us interesting, and that help us to learn to help others without make judgements. Sometimes, being a bit different is a gift. It gives you something to share!

There are those who will make judgement. In reality, the loss is theirs, not yours. They're shutting out the opportunity to learn themselves. They're shutting their minds to the interesting diversity that makes human beings so fascinating and fun to be with. Hopefully, as they mature (this doesn't always correlate with age ), they'll find out they've been approaching others in the wrong way. If they don't, it's sad, because the loss is still theirs.

You just hang in there and keep coming back here. We do understand, and we do not judge. You're being you, and that's the very best person you can be! :yahoo:

 

[Retired]

Re: Struggling w/ ADD & Other Learning Probs & Feeling so stupid

Welcome Cynthia! Your knowlede and experience will be a great value to the Forum.

 

[Penseroso]

Re: Struggling w/ ADD & Other Learning Probs & Feeling so stupid

Cynthia, it's nice to have you back with us! With your wealth of experience you can be a wonderful resource to those with similar struggles. (Just a reminder for you)

Thank you! I've considerable experience--far more than I want, being 43, but only that learned through years. I'll certainly give any support I can, but please don't expect any gems of wisdom.

Your post is very coherent and clear, even though you may not "feel" like you are being coherent and clear. Your simmering anger and bitterness regarding your family members not understanding and being compassionate is completely understandable. Of all people you would think our loved ones would at least be compassionate! How tragic that this is not how it is for many people who struggle with learning disabilities or mental health problems.

Very lucid and coherent? Wow. I was in serious doubt that my post would be readable. Thanks! That's very reassuring. It's also one of the loveliest things anyone has told me in years. :tearyeyed:

I've found, though corresponding with others, that our families, those in whom we should be able to find comfort and understanding, are too often an added burden to those of us with mental & learning problems.

At least we can choose our friends! I've, finally, begun to take what I can get and dismiss the rest. Well.. I try. And I do try to dismiss thoughts of what I can't change, but that almost never works.

Thanks--It means so much and is so refreshing to hear ''that's understandable" instead of "Just move!" or "Ignore it"-- things far easier said than done.

Because you have learning differences, does not mean that you are less of a person, Cynthia (just another reminder of what you know).

I think all of us can relate to the loss of not being able to do certain things. Everyone of us has things that we are not able to do for many reasons but to focus on what we can't do instead of what we can do is just such a waste of time and energy.....you know what I mean?

I do know what you mean. Yet I continue to focus upon precisely what I cannot do--though I've gotten better at not focusing on my "I can't"s and "I'll never"s through pure bloody mindedness. I'm still working on this. Thinking of myself as a work in progress, unfinished, despite being middle-aged, helps. (middle age?! when did that happen?!! )

With these kinds of losses I guess we have to think about it and be sad and angry every now and then....it's part of life.

Ah yes, yes, yes! That's so good to hear. Your emotional maturity and good sense are so refreshing. So many in support groups and off say "Don't be angry--it worsens depression and does no good" and "Don't think of sad things unless you can change them." They are right, but anger and sadness are just part of being human. I can't banish such feelings. I never tell others such things, for I know I'll only make them feel worse. To feel guilty about feeling angry and sad on top of feling sad and angry is a burden none of us needs. I'm really glad you said that! Knowing something logically is not the same as knowing it deep down--feeling and accepting it.

I'm really interested to know more about your audio books and how you work with them. I was thinking about trying these with my son who has schizophrenia and can no longer read which is really hard for him.

He has my deep sympathy and at least some understanding. Thank goodness he has a loving mom eager to help. Another thing greatly in his favor is his wanting to read--so rare these days. Good for him!

Yes, it is incredibly hard and intensely frustrating! I want so much to answer you, but I'm not sure what you need to know. Pm or email me for specific questions. I have several cousins who suffer from schizophrenia. I hope I can share or suggest something for your son and for you!

For now, here's what I can tell you:

Some years after quitting college in despair, I discovered audio books. My parents helped me, else I'd never have been able to afford them. They were like manna from heaven! I'm an insatiable bibliophile with an unquenchable thirst for knowledge and a great love of books. I "read" anywhere from 3 to 7 unabridged audio books a day. I have learned far more from reading aurally (including fiction) than from anything else.

Audio books also hold at bay the barrage of negative thoughts which would overwhelm me until I became entirely dysfunctional and beyond miserable.

Audio books, even rentals, are very expensive. I gave up air conditioning to be able to afford them. Your local library may have a good selection of audio books to try. (Mine doesn't.) I enjoy humor, classics, mysteries, and historical fiction the most. I have titles, authors, subjects and genres running through my mind. No knowing your son's age and interests, I don't know what to suggest. There are audio books for different ages and interests, and many that are suitable for any age.
I'd recommend any audio book that really engages his interest without content that might cause him worry or agitation. I stear very clear of those I'd find very interesting if they're likely worsen my anxiety or depression--many of which would be innocous to most.I know some reliable sites that rent and sell audio books The only ones I can think of now are RecordedBooks.com and Audible--which downloads audio books and software to play, bookmark and burn them to CDs are my favorites. These are great, but very costly. You can find bargains on used audio books from Amazon.com. You can find many companies that sell or rent on the internet.

i strongly consider that I am reading. I just read aurally. I fully believe one can absorb as much this way. After becoming very accustomed to narrators, their interpretation isn't a barrier since it's apparent. And I absorb information, aurally, like a sponge. Reading by ear is reading. I hope your son finds this so too, though it may take time--it took a some time for me.

Please ask me any questions by pm or email if I can help. I'll answer asap. I want to help if I can at all. :hug:

I'm glad you did not wait 4 months to post

I am too!!! I was so very heartened to see the kind, supportive responses!

I do hope this doesn't turn out a real mess! I am computer-illiterate, and unfamiliar with this software.:hair:

Thanks again & Hugs to you and your son,

--Cynthia --feeling much less confused--

 

[Penseroso]

Re: Struggling w/ ADD & Other Learning Probs & Feeling so stupid

Cynthia, ADD and learning disabilities don't mean you're stupid. You know that! People learn in different ways. For some, learning by reading works well. Others learn best by being shown. Still others learn better by hearing the material to be learned. Like you, my brother is one of the latter.

I do know that. It's just how I feel. A few of my friends, online, have learning disabilities and it's never occurred to me to think they're any less intelligent. Now if I can just apply that to myself. If only my intellectual knowledge merged with my emotions!

I hope other members here with learning disabilities aren't offended at the title of my post. I was describing myself only.

I tutored several subjects in college, and came across several people who were having difficulties. When we tried recording the material to be learned so they could play it back to themselves, the results were so much better for them.

Kudos! :2thumbs: I wish such open-mindedness, resources, and awareness had been around when I attended university.
Now colleges have audio aids. I long for a decent education so much! I'm considering going back, but it's daunting.

What they thought the could never do, they found they could do - they just did it differently. It's the differences amongst us that make us interesting, and that help us to learn to help others without make judgements. Sometimes, being a bit different is a gift. It gives you something to share!

There are those who will make judgement. In reality, the loss is theirs, not yours. They're shutting out the opportunity to learn themselves. They're shutting their minds to the interesting diversity that makes human beings so fascinating and fun to be with. Hopefully, as they mature (this doesn't always correlate with age ), they'll find out they've been approaching others in the wrong way. If they don't, it's sad, because the loss is still theirs.

Geesh, they do judge! All you say is true and wise, but I have far to go before being left out and misunderstood stops hurting so much. I try to remember 'Well, what do they know?'' and that the loss is theirs. It's not easy--at all(!)--but I've been making progress, slowly.

I wonder how much such closed mindedness is regional... Where I live learning disabilities in adults are not even recognized.

***grrr***

It certainly does not correlate with age! Often a young person of 20 is far more understanding, or willing to understand, than one of 60.

You just hang in there and keep coming back here. We do understand, and we do not judge. You're being you, and that's the very best person you can be! :yahoo:

Hanging on, if often by my fingernails. Thank you!

 

[Penseroso]

Re: Struggling w/ ADD & Other Learning Probs & Feeling so stupid

Welcome Cynthia! Your knowledge and experience will be a great value to the Forum.

Thank you, Steve. I hope I've something to give from decades of experience.
Ty for the links too. I do have TS--a mild case but irksome. I cleared my throat so often in high school that the faces of my class mates reflected a keen desire to commit mayhem.

Now, if I can just get the hang of this site's software and of Vista!

 

[Retired]

Now, if I can just get the hang of this site's software and of Vista!

Feel free to let us know how we can help you with the Forum software.

Post your query HERE

Every forum software has its own idiosyncrasies, but once you get the feel of it, the rest comes easy. Our software (vBulletin) is actually quite intuitive compared to many other platforms.

I believe several of our Forum members have Vista experience, so go ahead and post your questions in Tech Support as well.

I cleared my throat so often in highschool that the faces of my class mates relected a keen desire to commit mayhem.

I know of what you speak

You may have noticed Psychlinks also provides Tourette information and support HERE

 

[im_in_chains]

I don't know about how ADD would make one feel but my son is severely physically and learning disabled. He's 13 but mentally anwhere between 1 and 5 years (for different things).

Does this affect his self-esteem? No way! He's so incredibly happy. He's truly amazing.

You know, I've been studying Byron Katie lately and the more I learnt about it, the more I realised my son is the one to show us how to live. He's such an inspiration.

Interesting post.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I've been studying Byron Katie lately and the more I learnt about it, the more I realised my son is the one to show us how to live. He's such an inspiration.

I wasn't familiar with the name Byron Katie until your post, chains.

For others in the same position, find more information in this Wikipedia article on Byron Katie, and there are several websites, books, and a blog (warning: contains videos and thus needs a fast internet connection) listed in this Google search on [GOOGLE]Byron Katie[/GOOGLE].

See also my review article here titled The Work of Byron Katie, and the excerpt from her book Loving It attached below.