When I use a "substance" I feel like I am in touch with my feelings. I am a softer person. Is this why I use it? Maybe I feel like this is the only way to be able to access my feelings?
Could this be true?
I dont quite know. I dont think I numb out the negative ones but that is an interesting point you bring up. I haven't figured out how I can be in tune with my feelings in a "normal" state. I feel very closed off, uncomfortable and removed when it comes to feelings. Especially if my feelings are hurt. I am even very uncomfortable saying the word hurt.
Well, I'm not sure what type of substance you're using, but if it's impacting your life and ability to function, you may want to look into a program to help you find other ways to achieve the same feelings, without using. I assume if you're starting CBT work soon that you will be working with a therapist, in which case, s/he can also help you with this.
Either way, I do hope you find some healthier ways to be in touch with your feelings. I know that I have a hard time as well with this. It's easier to feel nothing than to feel hurt, for me. Definitely something worth exploring down the road for you, though.
thanks turtle,
my substance usage is not impacting my life in the ability to function. I am actually doing very well right now and have been for the past 3 months. It is just something I will have to deal with eventually, something like you said I will want to explore
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