Teenage Piano Student Got Worse

[chueh]

For some reason, the post I wrote last night did not get posted. Posting it again now today

The male piano student I posted about some weeks ago silently exposed his private part, while I was explaining how certain music notes should be played with my eyes looking straight at the music. However, my peripheral vision could see the shape of it (I was sitting in a chair next to the bench he sat on; my eye sight is always straight on the books or a little down at the keys). Although I was intimidated, I kept explaining music terms to him just to do my job, while trying to ignore what he was doing to make him lose the interest. However, the ignoring strategy was not working, he even started to masturbate. Immediately I said "stop doing whatever you are doing now, while keeping my eyes looking straight. He stopped.

He needs helps, but I did not know what to say to him other than asking to stop what he was doing. He needs psycho therapy or something. The only person I could and SHOULD talk to is his mom. However, I am concerned what his mom would do to him. Nobody wants to be a sex offender; he needs helps much more than only to know what's not acceptable or appropriate. His mom seems to be a not-caring-much-about-others character under my impression (at least she does not care about my time). I am not sure if telling his mom would help the student....However, I got scared of my own thinking that he could be worse each day and hurt others or little girls. I have to talk his mom. Should I talk to his mom alone or with his presence? I don't want to embarrass him in front of his mom, yet I just want to express my concerns to him and perhaps the mom wouldn't be too upset while 3 of us are present at the same time. Who knows what she would do to him??

Please advise. Thanks

 

[David Baxter PhD]

How old is this boy??

 

[GDPR]

Are you kidding me? He actually started masturbating and all you said was "stop doing whatever you are doing now" and continued doing your job? And you watched out of the corner of your eye and ignored it?By not doing anything about it, I think you sent the message that it was ok.

You definitely should NOT allow him to be your student anymore. Aren't you worried what may happen if you continue?

I'm appalled that this happened and you're making it sound as if all he did was scratch himself and it was awkward for you. But, I don't think I should say anymore because it will just be deleted.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

LIT, you are reacting as if this were the behavior of an adult. Depending on the person's age, emotional development, intellectual development, etc., it may represent what Dr. Kurt Fruend termed a "courtship disorder" rather than an act of sexual aggression.

That is why I asked how old the boy is.

 

[GDPR]

I reacted that way because it's a teenager, not a little boy. And as soon as I read it, I had instant anxiety. Sorry.

 

[chueh]

I thought that he was only 14. However, I just checked the student information sheet that I ask every parent filling out. He will be 16 this September. He looks big and tall, while mental maturity seems lower than normal. That's why I was thinking 14. Nothing wrong with his intelligence, but he just always seems a little bit immature as a person.

- - - Updated - - -

It did not occur to me that he would do anything to me, until I asked for advice from my good friends, whose profession is not psychology related. They all told me that this boy is dangerous and might hurt me. Then, I started getting scared afterwards. However, although I am not a psychology professional or even close, I FEEL and my senses are telling me that he, just like Dr. Baxter said, has some kind of disorder. That disorder seems to me to be some kind of expression disorder or confidence disorder. I am sorry that I kind of made up the words without the proper knowledge, but that's how I sensed it. I don't think that he will physically hurt anyone, yet he will probably continue showing his private part to other ladies or even girls. I just don't wish that he continues showing his private part to little girls or the sort to damage little girl's mental part. However, I am just a piano teacher, knowing nothing about psychology and definitely not a medical professional. What I sense might be wrong... Thus, I keep asking advice. After hearing what my friends said, I have to be cautious though. He might not look harmful to me, yet who knows.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You might try telling him that he needs to speak to someone about his behavior, or if you are uncomfortable doing that then by all means let his mother know what happened and let her handle it.

 

[chueh]

Good point. Thanks Dr. Baxter