The illusion of control

[lallieth]

I have control issues,and I do believe alot of my anxiety stems from my need to control my surroundings.As a child I had very little control over my unstable home life.I watched adults,who I thought were suppose to have control,let everything around them go to hell in a handbasket.

I guess somewhere along the line,I vowed not to loose control..I have learned that for the most part, control is a illusion.We try and foster the idea of control,because we feel that if we aren't the leaders in every aspect of our lives,it will all tumble down around us.This is a false statement and yet we work hard to hold it all together,sacrificing our physical and mental health.

There are aspects we simply cannot control.We cannot control rush hour traffic,or the weather,we cannot control another's opinion of us.It really is about "sweating the small stuff" because in the grand scheme of things,it really IS small stuff and not worth the time or energy.

I have had to relearn what it means to "let go" particularly when it comes to my own home life. I realize that the return of my anxiety is in part,caused by my need again to control.During anxious times I tell myself "let go" this signals the brain and body to relax and let whatever happens,happen.

The desire to control can lead to more than just anxious feelings,it can lead to anger and distrust,because we see people,not as allies,but as enemies if they don't do as we expect them too or what we tell them they must dften,by doing this,we alienate the people we need support from the most.

It boils down to feeding our ego's and our ego's are highly manipulative and should not be trusted.

Learning to let go began with small steps and here I am again practicing these small steps all over,but that's ok..I need the practice anyway.:dimples:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That's a good observation.

Based on my clinical experience, I believe that most, if not all anxiety-based disorders are fundamentally defenses against the perception of "chaos", attempts to impose control and predictability and certainty on a world which in reality is unpredictable and uncertain and in which we often have little control over events or other people.

 

[poohbear]

This makes alot of sense to me. I think maybe I should conisder a new mantra similar to "let go". Thanks for the post, as it opened my eyes.:hippy:

 

[ladylore]

I have done alot of work around acceptance and letting go -it is still a work in progress. Fortunately, I have had professionals who have taught me this admit that they are not perfect with it either. That in and off itself as taken alot of pressure off.

Letting go of the notion that I need to do the letting go perfectly all the time.

 

[HotthenCold]

Letting go definitely is very helpful, but difficult. Personally, I can let go quite easily (most of the time) but the tricky part arises when I'm triggered again when in a more vulnerable state (tired, stressed, self conscious). It's then that I feel as if letting go is simply denial of the situation and I get very anxious because I am all out of
ideas on how to be rid of the monkey on my back. All in all though, just letting things pass has been the best "bulldozer" on my road to feeling good about life