The Looming Threat of College Being High School #2

[Strange Apparition]

I was the definition of a "late bloomer" in high school. I started off as recessive and shut-in as any other typical middle school nerd. It wasn't until 11th grade that I really made any lasting friendships, and not until late 12th where I started to put myself out there and communicate with the more socially gifted.

One thing is certain - once my peers got past my history of being antisocial and my outward appearance, I proved to be the leader of many discussions and my eccentric humor appealed to all kinds of people. At the very end of senior year,
I was at least somewhere on the map.

Through introspection, I've figured out where I stand - I thrive in conversation and interaction, but I can't for the life of me initiate anything with strangers or new classmates. A pattern runs in my head over and over, telling me that if anyone wants to hear from me, they'll ask, and that I am a repulsive force when it comes to trying to make the first move. So I just wait...

I assume I was able to finally make connections for two reasons - because I had been around most of these people for long enough to know a bit about them, and because conversation was initiated with me. With college fast approaching, I'm afraid I'll once again slip to the back and be the solitary scholar no one has any reason to approach.

I would love to hear what this may stem from, and if it's possible to turn it around before I, once again, establish myself as the person I don't want to be. Any and all responses are greatly appreciated.

 

[Daniel E.]

Being comfortable with friends but having problems socializing with new people is the norm with shyness and social anxiety. For all anxiety disorders, an important part of cognitive behavior therapy is exposure therapy, i.e. doing what you fear. (Shyness, social anxiety, and introversion are all biologically-based but are easily reinforced and strengthened by avoidance behavior. Though there are positive qualities to being shy or an introvert, having such temperaments increases the risk of developing anxiety or depression.)

but I can't for the life of me initiate anything with strangers or new classmates.

Therapy does help as can local support groups for social anxiety, but group therapy is not as effective as individualized therapy. Medications like SSRIs can also help.

There are also self-help books, which are especially good for increasing one's psychoeducation. One self-help book: http://forum.psychlinks.ca/shyness-and-social-anxiety/20916-a-mindful-path-through-shyness.html

Another good source of information (besides the articles and posts in this forum) is About.com: About.com: Social Anxiety Disorder

Some info on therapy:

Cognitive psychotherapists suggest changing one's thoughts that are the basis of one's problems and the attendant misery. Many ideas lie behind shyness.

For example the idea that one should always be approved and loved for everything that one does. A second idea that causes shyness maybe that one should be adequate, competent, and successful in everything that one undertakes. Another such idea maybe that it is horrible and catastrophic if one is not competent and loved and appreciated for all that one does.

Such ideas, psychotherapists believe, are the main cause of shyness and its attendant problems. They suggest that changing these beliefs and replacing them with more realistic ones enables one to break loose from the shackles of shyness.

The third step is to take concrete, behavioural steps to come out from this self-imposed prison. Some behaviour therapists consider control of shyness a behavioural skill, like learning to ride a bike or swimming. How does one learn to ride a bike or swim? Ride one or jump in the pool respectively!

One would initially fall, or swallow some water, but with practice, one learns to balance on a bike or keep afloat. Breaking one's shyness, behaviour therapists assert, is no different. An individual should expose herself to situations which trigger shyness in her. She will learn to cope with the situation, learning the behavioural techniques of controlling and overcoming her shyness.

Repeated exposure helps develop behavioural technologies of exercising control over shyness. Breaking the shackles of shyness involves shedding one's inertia, replacing irrational shyness-producing ideas with realistic, rational ones, and exposure to situations that may produce shyness, thereby giving oneself a chance to overcome shyness. A piece of cake, isn't it?

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/anxiety-and-stress/2595-shackled-by-shyness.html

 

[Daniel E.]

Also:

Many freshmen feel anxious because of the pressure to make new friends. Most students must start fresh and create a new social group. This can feel stressful and awkward. To ease this process, consider getting involved on campus. Joining a fraternity/sorority can be an easy way to meet people with similar interests and personalities. If you do rush a house, know that rushing is time consuming and try to schedule courses with a lighter workload during the first semester. If Greek Life is not an interest for you, consider joining a student organization that matches your interests or passions to meet new people.

The Scoop on Freshman Year: What to Expect and How to Cope. | Psychology Today