The urges are bad right now

[NicNak]

I do not have the tools to SI, but I want to so bad. Everything hurts, things are scary and some people are just so mean.

I don't know how to be better and I am not strong enough. People don't understand (outside here) and I don't think I have the strengh to deal with them and their unkind words.

They are going to feed me to the sharks. I feel to just run away. I don't want to be here.

 

[Banned]

NN,

Sorry things are so hard right now. Did something specific trigger this episode? Can you take one of your anxiety pills to help?

 

[NicNak]

Thanks Turtle. I have an anti anxiety pill now disolving under my tongue, right now.

Going to start work again soon. I see some co workers and some already say mean things to me.

 

[Banned]

That's tough. Can your doctor help you prepare, with some role-playing or maybe giving you some scripts that will help you respond and lessen the anxiety?

 

[NicNak]

I saw him last week and he advised me on the "But what if's" interms of my symptoms.

Unfortunetly I wasn't anticipating that I would hear mean things already, just after a visit to work. Cause they were sounding so compasionate speaking through the insurance company.

I just have to keep reminding myself what my doctor has said. If it gets too much, I just phone him and he will fax to say "no more"

Just the words they pierce me so bad. They hurt.

 

[Banned]

Mean words aside, how much are you looking forward to going back to work? How many people work there? How much will you have to interact with the person(s) who said mean things?

 

[Banned]

Have you discussed adjusting your medication in preparation for returning to work?

 

[forgetmenot]

I don't understand why some people can be so cruel. I just don't get it when it takes same energy to be kind to someone. People can be very hurtful just don't let them upset you NicNak, What i do is just pretend i don't hear and see these people i just ignore them. If you don't give them any feed back they will go away. They obviously have issues if they have to make themselves feel good at others expense.

 

[NicNak]

The people who I saw were direct supervisors.

During the holiday season there will be close to 100 staff.

To be completely honest, I am scared sh!tless to go back to work, that is all I can think of is the fear.

I have two friends there who adore me, but not sure how much contact I will have with them.

 

[Banned]

Employment-Rights - Workplace Harassment

 

[Banned]

The upside to that many staff is that you have more of a "filter" - ie the probability of you encountering these same people all the time is quite low.

It's always scary going back. I remember in my last year at my previous job I took three two week leaves of absence and just being gone for two weeks each time I was afraid to go back. When I did go back, I focused just on my job and not on other people's approval (except my boss of course). I kept to myself and did not give them fodder for gossip.

It's hard to ignore everyone...it really is...but if you can work really short shifts to start and focus just on your work, and have the support of someone close to you, that will make things easier.

 

[NicNak]

Have you discussed adjusting your medication in preparation for returning to work?

Sorry I missed this.

The other doctor made suggestions for medication changes, but my doctor had said no. I really do not have much luck with them and mostly I have the side effects with little/if any benefit to my mental health.

He conculded that the dosage I am currently taking is the best balance of keeping me so I am not in a major low all the time and not having panic attacks constantly.

If the antidepressant is too high, I get a lot more anxiety and panic attacks that seem to come on with no notice.

Then the physical side effects. I have tried a few times over the time I have been off to raise the dosage but I have not been successful.

 

[NicNak]

Employment-Rights - Workplace Harassment

Luckily they were not sexually harrassing remarks and I am not going to be working with the man who was physically/sexually? innappropiate with me.

 

[Banned]

Any kind of bullying in the workplace is not only unacceptable, it's illegal.

 

[NicNak]

Any kind of bullying in the workplace is not only unacceptable, it's illegal.

Sometimes I just don't seem to know if it is just me being over sensitive.

Like one "joked" and said "What do you do all day? Lay on the couch and watch soap operas? I bet you don't want to come back cause you will miss all your soap operas"

Then I was told "jokingly" "You can come back to work IF you are actually going to do some work"

 

[Banned]

Ya that's tough. Some people also don't know how to respond or "act" around someone who's been off on sick leave. Sometimes they think that by injecting their version of humour it will make things easier. People that don't struggle with depression don't always understand how their humour translates to those of us who do.

I honestly don't know how I would have responded to those comments. If I was feeling brave I might have told them they're out of line, but I doubt it. I probably would have giggled nervously.

 

[NicNak]

Stupid me tried to explain how my days have been. Then I realized that I was just wasting my breath.

My good friend just stood there shocked, while the other two laughed. Then I cried and they asked why I was crying :fool:

 

[NicNak]

The magic pill Clonazepam has kicked in full trottle. My brain feels pretty dopey, but I guess better than what I was feeling earlier.

Thanks Turtle and Violet for your replies.

Thanks also to others too cause I know often we all don't works, but I know your thoughts are always with me and you support me no matter what. Thanks.

 

[Banned]

Better go get some sleep then

I'm still waiting for my magic pill to kick in...and then I'll be doing the same.

 

[Banned]

One other thing I thought of, NN.

If you don't already, you might want to start journalling when you go back to work. I'd specifically make a point of writing down your general thoughts and feelings, challenges, possible solutions, and successes. If you can review it every few days, that may be a source of strength for you.

If you are familiar with CBT, you can also implement CBT strategies to help with the negative thoughts and challenges, so you can turn them around and make them more manageable.