David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
Things to Do Before the Rapture
by Wendi Aarons
May 20th, 2011
by Wendi Aarons
May 20th, 2011
- Floss
- Moisturize
- Confess To Weird Neighbor Gary That I Was the One Who Reported Him To The HOA For ?Violations Against Intelligence?
- Shave
- Hydrate
- Dance Madly Around The Roaring ?Spanx/Skirtini/Sports Bra? Bonfire In My Yard
- Shoplift
- Vandalize
- Tell The PTO That I?d Be Delighted To Be Their President Next Year, Then Laugh Manically And Make Armpit Farts
- Swindle
- Embezzle
- Become A Cast Member Of ?The Real Housewives Of What The F*ck You Lookin? At??
- Scream
- Squeal
- Have Lengthy Conversations With People Who Send Reply-All Emails & End With, And THAT?S Why You?re A Humungo D-Bag, My Friend.?
- Whistle
- Tap dance
- Call My Household Staff Together To Ask If I Gave Birth to Any of Their Secret Love Children Without My Knowledge
- Investigate
- Refudiate
- Get Wasted And Lick The Metal Door Handles At Wal-Mart
- Tolerate
- Commiserate
- Spend Life Savings On Private Manilow/Wham!/Peabo Bryson Concert So If I Don?t Get Into Heaven, I?ll At Least Know What It Sounds Like
- Scrub
- Shine
- Close My Eyes And Repent Like A Mofo