Well, for the past few years I have worried, and been doing things over and over at times. I recently emailed a doctor up in new york who says he specializes with ocd patients and described my fears and symptoms, While he says that theres is no certain diagnosis over the internet, he recommends strongly that I get myself checked out for it. I don't have the time or the money at the moment to do this, and while I gather both, I was hoping to get your opinions as well. I will cut and paste my email to him as I spent time on it and I believe it explains things better than I could if I tried again.
I have been grappling with the fear that I have ocd. When I leave for class in the morning I will repeatedly check and recheck my computer and TV to make sure they are off, usually for fear of setting off a fire or something. This can take anywhere from 5 minutes up involving 10+ checks sometimes. The process starts again when I leave for work. This is the first bit, the part I can basically live with, though it does cause me to be late half the time.
The second part is more severe and crippling to me. Whenever I drive anywhere no matter how short or long the drive is, I will somehow get it inro my head that A) I hit another car, B) I hit a pedestrian, or C) I ran a red light. It began when I was around 17 or so (I am 20 now) with the red lights, It would get really out of hand. I was so pathetic that I would turn around and go back to the light I thought I ran to try to predict the light cycle to find out if i ran it. After a year or so it faded away for the most part, but a month or about that after it did, it came back with a vengeance, I now everytime I go out will become afraid that I hit someone. Every few seconds I have to look into my rearview and see headlights and say "Clear" to myself. Every time I go through a light, I have to say "Green" as many times as i can, then I look back in the mirror and say it for the reverse light as confirmation. As much as it hurts me to, I refuse to turn around anymore and redrive distances, although I have had times when I thought I was going to just scream because I was sure I hit someone, even though in the back of my mind I knew I didn't. The thing is I am a very good driver in my opinion, I go the speed limit, I always know whats going on around me. When I get home however, I just can't get it out of my head and typically will affect my life at home, right now I have 3 paychecks sitting next to me because I refuse to go down to the bank even though it is a 5 minute drive because I dont want to put myself through that. I'm not sure, that could be some phobia.. heh, I'm pretty messed up I guess.
The third thing that worries me about having ocd is that when I come home or get to my destination, I will walk around my car checking all the windows to make sure they are closed and make sure there are no dents on the car. I will begin to walk away but then will have to go check again. and again. and again. I hate it but there doesnt seem to be any possible way to stop it. I've tried just leaving it but then I get completely paranoid about it. One time I tried that I ended up waking up at about 2 am throwing on some clothes and running out to check the windows. At 2 am in the morning... Checking the windows takes a while. not sure how long but typically I have to check at least 5 or 6 times if not more. And even then I am not satisfied.
There is more to it, other checks that I do, but these are the ones that jump to mind immediately.
Please let me know what you guys think
I have been grappling with the fear that I have ocd. When I leave for class in the morning I will repeatedly check and recheck my computer and TV to make sure they are off, usually for fear of setting off a fire or something. This can take anywhere from 5 minutes up involving 10+ checks sometimes. The process starts again when I leave for work. This is the first bit, the part I can basically live with, though it does cause me to be late half the time.
The second part is more severe and crippling to me. Whenever I drive anywhere no matter how short or long the drive is, I will somehow get it inro my head that A) I hit another car, B) I hit a pedestrian, or C) I ran a red light. It began when I was around 17 or so (I am 20 now) with the red lights, It would get really out of hand. I was so pathetic that I would turn around and go back to the light I thought I ran to try to predict the light cycle to find out if i ran it. After a year or so it faded away for the most part, but a month or about that after it did, it came back with a vengeance, I now everytime I go out will become afraid that I hit someone. Every few seconds I have to look into my rearview and see headlights and say "Clear" to myself. Every time I go through a light, I have to say "Green" as many times as i can, then I look back in the mirror and say it for the reverse light as confirmation. As much as it hurts me to, I refuse to turn around anymore and redrive distances, although I have had times when I thought I was going to just scream because I was sure I hit someone, even though in the back of my mind I knew I didn't. The thing is I am a very good driver in my opinion, I go the speed limit, I always know whats going on around me. When I get home however, I just can't get it out of my head and typically will affect my life at home, right now I have 3 paychecks sitting next to me because I refuse to go down to the bank even though it is a 5 minute drive because I dont want to put myself through that. I'm not sure, that could be some phobia.. heh, I'm pretty messed up I guess.
The third thing that worries me about having ocd is that when I come home or get to my destination, I will walk around my car checking all the windows to make sure they are closed and make sure there are no dents on the car. I will begin to walk away but then will have to go check again. and again. and again. I hate it but there doesnt seem to be any possible way to stop it. I've tried just leaving it but then I get completely paranoid about it. One time I tried that I ended up waking up at about 2 am throwing on some clothes and running out to check the windows. At 2 am in the morning... Checking the windows takes a while. not sure how long but typically I have to check at least 5 or 6 times if not more. And even then I am not satisfied.
There is more to it, other checks that I do, but these are the ones that jump to mind immediately.
Please let me know what you guys think
