sweetanise
Member
Hello,
I'm 29, live in Ottawa and have been suffering from chronic depression for the past 10 years, as well as social anxiety disorder - agoraphobia, for the past 4 years. Where my depression is concerned, the most debilitating symptoms are lethargy, despondency and very low energy and motivation. In addition to this, the agoraphobia makes it almost impossible for me to leave my home, on my own, for more than an hour at a time. I see a therapist twice a month and take anti-depressant / anti-anxiety meds everyday. I don't feel like it's helping much, though. But I can well imagine what I'd feel like were I not taking anything, nor seeing anyone.
I'm not working or going to school at the moment, and doing my best to survive on welfare, while I await news about receiving Ontario Disability Support Program benefits. My agoraphobia makes it difficult for me to go anywhere unacompanied, let alone to work. I've experienced panic attacks and other symptom attacks, such as fits of crying at work and on my way to work during previous employment. The fear of experiencing any of these again has often made it difficult for me to leave the house in the morning, and, as a result, I have had a history of high absenteeism from both school and work. This, in turn, only serves to make me more depressed about my illness and what I see as shortcomings and personality flaws. I then become more despondent and lethargic, as it seems like all of the energy is sapped from my body. As a result, I've gained at least 100 pounds in the last 4 years. This makes ordinary, every day movements that anyone might take for granted, such as walking and light house-work, more and more difficult for me. I've started to experience exacerbated back pain, breathing problems, as well as a much poorer self-image. Many days, I have felt the need to sleep well into the afternoon, as I cannot find the energy and motivation, nor the justification needed to take care of myself. At my worst, hygiene, food, household chores and socialising all take a backseat to my depressed moods and anxious ruminations. Also, the guilt and shame I feel at not being able to contribute more to society, and of my life remaining at a standstill make the vicious cycle of depression begetting anxiety, begetting depression again, spin all the more intensely.
Over the years, I've seen various therapists, psychologists & psychiatrists, and have participated in an out-patient programme offering cognitive behavior therapy, been in group therapy, read many, many books, taken Zoloft, Paxil, Clonazepam, BuSpar and now Effexor, but nothing seems to work for very long. I suspect I am dysthemic, in addition to my anxiety problems, as my depression is recurrent, but, to my knowledge, have never been diagnosed as such.
So that's me. I'm pretty discouraged and feeling sorry for myself right now, but that's probably because of writing all of this...
Thanks for reading...
I'm 29, live in Ottawa and have been suffering from chronic depression for the past 10 years, as well as social anxiety disorder - agoraphobia, for the past 4 years. Where my depression is concerned, the most debilitating symptoms are lethargy, despondency and very low energy and motivation. In addition to this, the agoraphobia makes it almost impossible for me to leave my home, on my own, for more than an hour at a time. I see a therapist twice a month and take anti-depressant / anti-anxiety meds everyday. I don't feel like it's helping much, though. But I can well imagine what I'd feel like were I not taking anything, nor seeing anyone.
I'm not working or going to school at the moment, and doing my best to survive on welfare, while I await news about receiving Ontario Disability Support Program benefits. My agoraphobia makes it difficult for me to go anywhere unacompanied, let alone to work. I've experienced panic attacks and other symptom attacks, such as fits of crying at work and on my way to work during previous employment. The fear of experiencing any of these again has often made it difficult for me to leave the house in the morning, and, as a result, I have had a history of high absenteeism from both school and work. This, in turn, only serves to make me more depressed about my illness and what I see as shortcomings and personality flaws. I then become more despondent and lethargic, as it seems like all of the energy is sapped from my body. As a result, I've gained at least 100 pounds in the last 4 years. This makes ordinary, every day movements that anyone might take for granted, such as walking and light house-work, more and more difficult for me. I've started to experience exacerbated back pain, breathing problems, as well as a much poorer self-image. Many days, I have felt the need to sleep well into the afternoon, as I cannot find the energy and motivation, nor the justification needed to take care of myself. At my worst, hygiene, food, household chores and socialising all take a backseat to my depressed moods and anxious ruminations. Also, the guilt and shame I feel at not being able to contribute more to society, and of my life remaining at a standstill make the vicious cycle of depression begetting anxiety, begetting depression again, spin all the more intensely.
Over the years, I've seen various therapists, psychologists & psychiatrists, and have participated in an out-patient programme offering cognitive behavior therapy, been in group therapy, read many, many books, taken Zoloft, Paxil, Clonazepam, BuSpar and now Effexor, but nothing seems to work for very long. I suspect I am dysthemic, in addition to my anxiety problems, as my depression is recurrent, but, to my knowledge, have never been diagnosed as such.
So that's me. I'm pretty discouraged and feeling sorry for myself right now, but that's probably because of writing all of this...
Thanks for reading...
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