Throbbing

[Enigma]

I get a throbbing in my left arm, round-about where I've been cutting - I've had this for a few months, since I started cutting across. I wouldn't have mentioned it, but I get the throbbing sensation every day now - it's not really painful, it's just annoying, and I'm not sure whether it is normal or not.

I was just wondering, which way is the safest way to cut? Across the wrist, or down the arm? Of course not cutting at all would be safest.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Of course not cutting at all would be safest.

That's the answer, right there, Enigma. If you continue, sooner or later you are going to make a misjudgement and do yourself some serious damage. The throbbing is probably a result of the nerve endings in your skin being sensitized from repeated trauma (i.e., daily cutting).

 

[Enigma]

I'm full of regret - every time I look at my scars I want to do something worse. That's probably why I asked you which way was safest, but I'm more clear-headed than I was yesterday. Sorry.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm full of regret - every time I look at my scars I want to do something worse.

Look at your scars and want to do something different, Enigma. That's the first step.

 

[Enigma]

I don't really feel like I want to do something different, but I think I'm ready to stop injuring myself. I know I'm kind of contradicting myself, but it makes sense to me. I've stopped before (for about a year) so I know it's possible. I've been doing a lot of thinking and I want to get better and leave the past behind me; to do this I understand that I need to help myself.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am really glad to hear you say that, Enigma. And I am really glad that you want to get better. It will happen. )

 

[Enigma]

I do want to get better, but I'm craving so badly.

 

[Gayalondiel]

I do want to get better, but I'm craving so badly.

I am too, Enigma, it comes and goes from time to time. It sounds inane, but find a distraction, TV, chocolate cake, a good book, anything to make the time pass. It *does* lessen. You've quit before, so you know you can quit again. Just hang on to that thought.

 

[Ash]

I still get that craving, too. When something happens and the stress mounts up, my first impulse is to cut. I don't. I find something else to focus on. Even playing a video game can help!

 

[Gayalondiel]

Yes, video games are good! I have one where these little anime monsters battle one another (no, really, stop laughing) and it's surprisingly effective. It's light and fluffy, not gorey and violent, but it still lets me beat up on someone to a degree - someone that isn't me. You'd be surprised how much that really works

 

[Enigma]

I've resisted that urge for quite a while now, but I'm just afraid that I might snap one day.