Tired

[Ashley-Kate]

I'm staring at a number i just wrote down in one of my journals it is the hotline for suicide prevention in Montreal. I haven't called i am terrified to call actually to really talk to someone yet i feel that i need to to just hear the words i understand its okay we are there don't worry.. or anything really that will help me get through this difficult time. I don't know exactly what is wrong really my eating disorder has gotten much worst and i just feel tired and i don't really want to fight it anymore. So i am staring at the number debating on if i call or not yet scared to death that if i do call and the figure out were i am in Montreal that they send someone to come and get me.. it may be a irrational fear but it is one of my biggest fears. i have been thinking this through for a while all the ways all the possibilities to just stop this all i don't really want it to end completely but just for a little while just to have some rest .. after 11 years of this am i not aloud to just have a bit of a break.. i don't know what to do.. i am just so tired

 

[forgetmenot]

Hi Ashley-kate i know this feeling of being so tired but try not to let it take over. If you feel you have to call the hot line then do it. There will be someone you can talk to about how you are feeling. Can you call you psychologist and tell him how you are feeling. Let him know you need some help, some rest, take care Ashley-Kate and continue to lean on us okay we are here too. Ashley-kate please remember how important you are to your family and to your friends here. mary

 

[HBas]

Good Morning AK

Hope you are doing much better! Please don't let the downers get the best of you - there is much to live for. Try to replace thinking of ways to end it by focus on something positive like helping a person in need or doing something special for someone.

I hope that you have spoken to your T!

:support:

 

[suewatters1]

Ashley you are tired now but it will get better. Talk to somebody on the phone - will help you. How about your family? Can you talk to them? You don't want to see the look on their face if they found out anything happened to you. They love you they would want to be there for you.

You are an important person.

Sue

 

[Ashley-Kate]

thank you all!

this week end for some reason was really hard but i came through it! my mother is coming down today to see me but mostly to bring my stuff from home because as of today i am officially moving! yes i have been this hole month but today i get my bed and dresser therefore i will finally be able to live in my new place! it is kind of scary to say the truth!

I am heading out to work now and then i have to rush to the apartment and help with the moving. i am anticipating a very long week of moving because of work i can only move in the afternoon and well sometimes i finish late and well so i will probably only be living in my new place as of Thursday maybe.and next week i am finally getting my cat!

have a nice week to all! oh and tomorrow i have an evaluation appointment with my new therapist i am relay nervous so i guess all of these little things played in my feeling depressed and anxious. my family doesn't really know much about me i sort of keep a low profile so they don't worry so much.

 

[forgetmenot]

It is good to hear from you Ashley-Kate. I am glad you mom is coming down to help you move some things into your new place. Keeping busy sometimes help and it seems you will be busy for next few days. Keep us in touch how it goes with your new therapist okay. I am sure all will go well though. Take care in my thoughts often mary

 

[HBas]

Hey AK

Your Mom seeing you and going for an evaluation with your new T .. all very positive :support:

Your own stuff all around you in your new place - that will be awesome - sounds like positive things are happening around you and not just by chance, you created it! Well done!

HB