Too Independant?

[joey]

There some, few but some, people who refuse to get involved in relationships and never wish to marry even though they and everyone else realize they're lonely. What should people who are too afraid to get into a relationship do?
And another thing I've debated a long time. Some people say a relationship should be about equality, but others say it should be about equity, two halves meeting to make a whole. Should you be a whole looking for another whole before going into a relationship or is creating a whole together more fulfilling [or possibley becoming too dependant]?

 

[David Baxter PhD]

others say it should be about equity, two halves meeting to make a whole. Should you be a whole looking for another whole before going into a relationship or is creating a whole together more fulfilling [or possibley becoming too dependant]?

It depends on what you mean by "making a whole".

If you are looking for another person to heal you, or give you qualities you don't have, or overcome deficiencies you perceive yourself to have, you will probably not be successful. For example, ifyou lack self-esteem and you hope that being in a relationship will give you self-esteem, you are probably going to be disappointed -- that is something you have to do yourself, not something anyone else can do for you.

If you are on the other side of that equation, also beware: You cannot singlehandedly heal someone or make them feel better about himself/herself just by loving him/her. You cannot rescue people with love... it may help, but it won't be enough and it will exhaust you.