[Trigger] Traumatic Grief

[white page]

I am battling to accept her last moments alive were so terrifying and that no one was able to save her. I know what I need to do but I'm just battling to do it.

Ggaze,
I have been following this thread, but unable to respond until now, I am so glad you found us to share this unsupportable grief you are carrying. I read the reports of this, and as with you, the last moments of that lovely innocent child are haunting.I cannot imagine the pain you are feeling having known these little girls.
I really think talking to a therapist is important for you.
It is important that you seek that sort of support for yourself, reaching a point of acceptance will not be a betrayal of those sweet little girls. The horror is there and always will be, but their lives, however short were made up of joyfulness and happiness too. One day you will be able to remember them with tenderness and those last few moments though present will be less opressive.
Allow yourself time to grieve, and please do not hesitate to come for support here.
This is not something you should cope with alone :hug:

 

[GGaze]

Thanks White Paper. I only saw your post after I replied to Jassey's post. The responses have made me see that I need to get one-on-one expert help in order for me to deal with my grief. The eldest's last moments alive has traumatized me and continues to haunt me and it makes me angry that no one was there to help this child. My mind and heart cannot accept that she died scared, terrified and alone. That her last memories of her mother were absolute fear and how her young mind probably couldn't take in that her mother had changed into an unknown horror - she knew her mom had killed her sister and that she was next. Please give me ideas on how I and other family and friends who are devestated can honour their memory so that their lights shine on.

 

[white page]

How to Deal with Murder Grief

I found an article GGaze which may be helpful to read.

I don't know yet what to suggest in the way to honour the little ones. I'll think on it.

 

[GGaze]

Am I still allowed to post under this heading. Not sure if it is still open.

 

[Jazzey]

Am I still allowed to post under this heading. Not sure if it is still open.

Yes, absolutely.

 

[GGaze]

Yes, absolutely.

Thanks Jazzey. I've been on and off this site a few times since my last post but each time changed my mind and didn't leave an entry. I've made an appointment to see a therapist but the soonest appointment is at the end of the month. I've read every article, read the scripture, but yet I'm still battling to accept what happened. I feel stupid as my mind knows that there is nothing more that can be done but its like I'm having an internal battle. I keep on telling myself that the girls are gone, that those moments of terror has passed for this little girl and that they are no longer in pain and are better off and happier in heaven but something inside of me cannot accept this and cannot accept and make peace with the their lost moments and the fact that nothing more can be done. When I think of them in the car and that no one saved them I immediately breakdown and feel extremely overwhelmed - its like my brain cannot process that it happened. I can't explain it in words. What is wrong with me. I need to accept this and move on.

---------- Post added at 04:21 PM ---------- Previous post was at 02:19 PM ----------

I need to add that this haunts me so as in my mind I see an image of them smiling and then I see an image of them at the mortuary {removed graphic detail}. They looked so vulnerable but when I think that the bodies were alive and healthy girls my heart shatters - I just can't face that it did happen and that they are gone.It happened, they are no longer in pain, they are better off now so how come I can't absorb this?

 

[why]

I have just finished reading this thread. I admit it took me awhile, as I would have to stop and take a break away from it. I can't imagine what you are going through. I am sorry that I have no special words for you, but you are in my thoughts:hug:

 

[forgetmenot]

I hope once you start your therapy the trauma you have will be lessened and you will obtain some coping skills on how to deal with this loss. You are still in too much pain to totally understand anything. I am sorry you are suffering but know with help from your therapist this pain and confusion will lessen.

 

[GGaze]

Thank you to everyone. I realized I wasn't coping at all and i got to the point where I was constantly in tears, all I wanted to do was sleep and I no longer could concentrate on anything. I have now been put onto an anti-depressant but to be honest even though I am coping better the pain is still there. How am I ever supposed to accept that two little innocent girls died a horrific and painful death for no reason? Its just so unfair. I know that I will never understand and I have to just trust in God that they are now safe and at peace. Thank you again to everyone for your support and advice.