Troubling times

[Indifferent]

Hey?

I wasnt sure whether or not to post this, but then thought, it is the reason I came. For support. Also I dont know if its in the right section either.? Was gonna post in the depression section, but there are other things too, and im a young adult (20) so I thought i'd just put it here.

Anyways, whats up? your saying? I'll give you the main two.

Depression: Ive been suffering from depression for about 2 or so years now. Possibly more. And it occationally gets so bad I have suicide thoughts. But there just thoughts, i would not do it, i dont think.

Shyness/social anxiety: Ooh, this is quite bad for me, up to the point I almost hate going out and get quite anxious (cant spell that) some times. If I get into a situation I cant handle I have the redness which makes me more embaressed and self-concious. I dont really talk to many people outside my house, except for one freind. I must sound like a loner now.? :blank:

Another thing is I cant seem to find employment, my shyness makes me feel awful when im out, and feel I have to act and look a certain me. I cant remember a time ive relaxed when outside. Plus all the NO's dont help either.

:frown:

I think thats all Ill write for now. Any advice or help appriciated.?

 

[Cat Dancer]

Do you have a regular doctor that you could talk to? He or she could probably help you find a therapist. Plus, I think it's always a good idea to get a physical just to make sure there's nothing physical causing these issues. One of the times in my life I have been extremely suicidal I was suffering from hyperthyroidism which is treatable.

Depression and anxiety can be treated with medication and therapy. I think it's especially important to get some help because of the suicidal thoughts even if you think you won't act on it, it is scary to have those thoughts.


There's also lots of good information on the depression and anxiety boards here on this forum.

I know I'm not much help, but hopefully someone else will come along with some better information.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

How old are you, Indifferent, and what general part of the world do you live in? Is seeing a counselor/therapist out of the question?

Both of the issues you mention -- depression and shyness/social anxiety -- are very treatable, both with medications and with psychotherapy (especially Cognitive Behavior Therapy or CBT in both cases). There is no reason for you to have to continue to struggle with these on your own. See the resources on CBT and Distorted Thinking in the "Resources" section of this forum.

In the arms of an angel.
Fly away from here.
-- In The Arms Of The Angel - Sarah McLachlan

These wounds won't seem to heal
This pain is just too real
-- My Immortal - Evanescence

These are two of my favorite artists

 

[Indifferent]

Im 20, and from up north, uk (yorkshire).

I dont really want to talk to a doctor about this. I'd feel to embarassed, Plus our doctor is far from helpful.
Seems like the only ones that are intrested are the ones you pay, and I dont have money to ... well i dont have money lol

Physical things are, I.b.s Back pain, astmah, possibly sinusitus, dont like sunlight very much, and just aches and pains.

I'll say now, im a big procrastinater, i'll always put things off. I dont know if i'd even make it to the doctors.
Is there another way? or is it really important? or should i know?

I havnt been employed or studying for over a year, and I think that must have made me slide even further down.

I like them two songs, i like the slower songs now.

Thanks for the help.
PS: Im going to be away for a while (afew days) but i should be back on wednesday. Ill reply then, if anyone does before me.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Shyness/social anxiety: Ooh, this is quite bad for me, up to the point I almost hate going out and get quite anxious (cant spell that) some times. If I get into a situation I cant handle I have the redness which makes me more embaressed and self-concious. I dont really talk to many people outside my house, except for one freind. I must sound like a loner now. :blank:

Hi indifferent,
firstly, we don't really think in terms of labels here, With the amount of insecurities and fears that are posted here, I don't think that 'loner' was the first thing that anybody thought. I personally thought... 'hmm, sounds familier'.

The depression you mentioned, I used to feel the same, that they are only thoughts, and not to much to worry about because they wouldn't amount to anything. Just be aware, that if you continue to have these thoughts, it seems that the usual progression is for them to get worse, (do to a desenstising of the thoughts, i assume), and could progress to something else. Don't feel like its not worth thinking about because they are just thoughts, thats what I'm trying to get accross, lol. Don't give yourself a chance to get used to them.

Now, about the crouds. here i really understand you. I used to get panic attacks when i was in a room with to many people. I had a very low self esteem regarding how I act/look, so much so that I would just mumble when trying to speak!!! My words would just trip over each other, and if anyone paid me attention, i'd blush like crazy and then feel like a complete idiot that i just couldn't relax around people.

I don't really know why its different now, I think I began seeing (or thinking i could see ) everybodies way of showing their insecurities, and began to feel a little more relaxed. I started reading passages written by the current Dali Lama, perhaps these types of texts may help you with the way you are thinking at the moment?

Anyway, let us know..

 

[Indifferent]

Shyness/social anxiety: Ooh, this is quite bad for me, up to the point I almost hate going out and get quite anxious (cant spell that) some times. If I get into a situation I cant handle I have the redness which makes me more embaressed and self-concious. I dont really talk to many people outside my house, except for one freind. I must sound like a loner now. :blank:

Hi indifferent,
firstly, we don't really think in terms of labels here, With the amount of insecurities and fears that are posted here, I don't think that 'loner' was the first thing that anybody thought. I personally thought... 'hmm, sounds familier'.

The depression you mentioned, I used to feel the same, that they are only thoughts, and not to much to worry about because they wouldn't amount to anything. Just be aware, that if you continue to have these thoughts, it seems that the usual progression is for them to get worse, (do to a desenstising of the thoughts, i assume), and could progress to something else. Don't feel like its not worth thinking about because they are just thoughts, thats what I'm trying to get accross, lol. Don't give yourself a chance to get used to them.

Now, about the crouds. here i really understand you. I used to get panic attacks when i was in a room with to many people. I had a very low self esteem regarding how I act/look, so much so that I would just mumble when trying to speak!!! My words would just trip over each other, and if anyone paid me attention, i'd blush like crazy and then feel like a complete idiot that i just couldn't relax around people.

I don't really know why its different now, I think I began seeing (or thinking i could see ) everybodies way of showing their insecurities, and began to feel a little more relaxed. I started reading passages written by the current Dali Lama, perhaps these types of texts may help you with the way you are thinking at the moment?

Anyway, let us know..

Im checking out dali lama on google right now I've read alittle and it seems to be good.
Ive spent along with another family member over a thousand pounds on books to help.
Ive still got some that are to be delivered, but I dont think ill be getting any more for a while now. I cannot afford it. I was like --> ... :shocked: when I calculated it afew days ago.

Thats along with all the articles/help online. Had information overload ( ) afew months ago that I stopped.

I see that too, now I notice other people have problems that they are working through. Most proberbly wont even notice you they are that focused on themselfs. Like me!

I think ive already gotton comfortable and its hard to break this, I mean its been going on for as long as I remember.
Ive just lost motivation to do anything, everyone thinks im lazy, maybe I am, but i just dont know what to do anymore.

Anything else you think I should try.

 

[^^Phoenix^^]

Sure, you can get books that focus on his main teachings, its usually best if they are lessons that he has given himself,
as far as people thinking you are lazy, i guess, why do they think that? and in the end... does it matter how they see you? Your goal is to sort your self out, (emotions, life rituals, etc) to how YOU see fit. Not anybody else.
If YOU think your lazy, and don't want to be (I've been there too, belieeve me) then start by just breaking that ritual. encorperate one thing at a time, or write a schedual that you know you'll keep. go for a walk. I know it sounds dull, but its often silly little things like this that help you break cycles.

 

[Indifferent]

I actually do belive i have gotton lazy, but there is a reason, I have lost all motivation as I said, and I feel usless now.
I know you said to do the "little" things, but i think thats a good idea for me, im gonna try it out again (did it before) think I need to go smaller perhaps.
Thanks alot for all your help.

If you want to (or anyone else) add anything you think of, please do.

 

[ThatLady]

I always found that when I started feeling like I was running in circles and getting nowhere, setting realistic goals helped me stop the rat race. I'd start with something small...like, say, getting the closet cleaned out, or getting the bathroom spiffy, or finishing a project I'd started and left to moulder. Once that was done, I got a feeling of accomplishment and could set a new, short-term goal.

Just be sure not to set your goals too high. When you feel like you've lost motivation, it's not a good idea to set a goal like: "I'll become a quantum physicist by August of next year!" Lots better to just do little things that you know you CAN do. The greater goals will come later.

 

[g-scared]

indifferent. one of the best pieces of advise i received from a professor was to find a support structure. it seems so simple, but these words have been echoing in my mind ever since. and i feel so stupid now for having waited so long. i haven't even found a psycologist yet, ha, but i'm going to. i've already called and waiting to receive an appointment.

looking forward to progress. i'm so tired of sometimes, i can hardly even type any more.

wish you the best of luck.
g-scared

 

[Indifferent]

Realistic goal. I have to remember that, i always forget, like I said, I will be in a job within 2 months. And its not realistic for me at the moment, plus I only wrote that afew months ago, ive just learnt to be more realistic!

How would I go about creating a support structure? (*walks up to a stranger* do you want to be part of my support structure? *smiles intensly* ... *stranger slowly walks away* ) Who do you have on yours?

Lets say I do the small goals stuff, which sort of helped me before. What can I do for motivation, so I get out of bed to do the small goals? Another obsticle to my job search part of this was that I have IBS and feel like im 40+ some times. How would I get over that?

I want to change, I look around me and everyone is doing well, and im left behind. I just want to be normal, if there is such a thing.

Plus there are days I want to take a knife to myself or jump of a tall building then there are days that I am excited for the future.
Im just managing to see the light at the end of the tunel far away, and im just trying to pull myself towards it. Just feels like there are too many trains coming towards me!

I havnt spoken to anyone out side family and one freind or months, only people i speak to out side that are when I (now very) occationally go out and buy something.

I just dont want to fall down this hole any further that it will seem impossible to get out.

Hope im making sence.

 

[ThatLady]

Ish. I suffer from IBS, as well, so I know the "joys" of that little number.

As for motivation, hon, that has to come from within. Nobody has a recipe for it that will allow you to just mix some up and drink it on down. You've got to reach inside yourself, know what you want to accomplish and begin to take little steps toward that goal. When you find your inner self arguing that you really need to just stay in bed instead of getting up and getting started, just argue it down, get up, and get going. Once you're up and doing, it's a lot easier to keep the momentum.

 

[Indifferent]

Ish. I suffer from IBS, as well, so I know the "joys" of that little number.

As for motivation, hon, that has to come from within. Nobody has a recipe for it that will allow you to just mix some up and drink it on down. You've got to reach inside yourself, know what you want to accomplish and begin to take little steps toward that goal. When you find your inner self arguing that you really need to just stay in bed instead of getting up and getting started, just argue it down, get up, and get going. Once you're up and doing, it's a lot easier to keep the momentum.

Its annoying isnt it. I was thinking of trying detoxing, ive read up on this, and you should not do intense detoxing (or close to intense!) unless you are going to be near a toilet all day or for a few days even. Plus the more intense the more it may harm you. Sooo, I was thinking of doing a slow detox. Its just basics really, eat no crap, eat more vegs, exercise, vitimins, minrals, meditation, fresh air, skin brushing, etc. Just taking care of yourself too.

For that past few days ive noticed myself saying, tommorow, ill do it tommorow, to myself. Yet as we all know tommorow is never quite here, nor will it come. I think the best thing for me would be to do easy small tasks and something that I can say, ive done that! and after afew of them, celebrate and move on to the next stuff.

I've been on another "down" today, feeling very bad, almost self destructive, (is that the other word for suicdal, not sure lol). But im trying to look towards getting the little things done now.

Thanks so much for the help. Im alittle more clear now.

A question, im looking for my first job, and have no experiance. Plus I have IBS so im looking for part time work too, but nothings happening. its been almost two years!! and ive just gone further and further down the dark tunnel. What can I do here? I said to my family that ill do cleaning work, ill do volenteering work, but they wont agree, they said get a job in a supermarket or a office type place. Which would be nice, but I cant be asked even looking anymore! And there is arguments everyday, which doesnt help.
I havnt told them that im feeling this bad, they know I get depressed though. I just dont want to talk to anyone anymore and crawl into a hole sometimes.

Should I add anything else? I might go into some more detail later on.

 

[Indifferent]

Bump

Any more thoughts?

 

[Eunoia]

if you're not too picky w/ what kind of job you'll do, there are lots of PT jobs out there.. but making sure you have a really good resume, references, and an idea about what you want and what you can offer can already give you a heads up over everyone else. it does come down to presentation, and I have learned this lesson over every time I apply for a new job/volunteer position etc, b/c you do have to reevaluate where you're at, what you want, what you can offer, and what the other person is looking for and then focus on that target. there's great sites out there that help you w/ these basics things, so even if you don't have a lot of experience there are ways to make the experience that you do have (ie. a high school diploma, organizational skills, attention to detail etc) sound really great if you use the right words at the right places... check out www.monster.ca, it's a great site. also, do some background research on the place you're applying to and incorporate that into your resume, cover letter, and interview... in the end though, even the best of efforts come down to timing, so don't be too hard on yourself. try looking at how you've gone about getting a job and try it a different way. there are career places out there that are willing to help people find jobs, offer workshops etc, even for free. there's also courses at community colleges or through distant ed. that don't last for very long and don't cost too much $ but that make you more competitive when you've completed them, ie. many jobs like it if you have 1st aid assuming it'll be of use in the job setting. what is IBS?

you're so right, take small steps b/c if your goals are too big or too drastic then you're kind of setting yourself up for failure. if tomorrow seems to be a common thinking process then start w/ today. take half an hour and try rewriting your resume. take half an hour and call up a friend. take half an hour and read a few pages in one of the books you got. sometimes we just have to make a conscious effort to make time for things, it won't always work but it can get you moving in the right direction. write down your goals for tomorrow, plan out your day if that helps you and then you have something to go by in the morning.

in terms of your depression, I think you really need to get some help w/ that. especially if you know this has been going on since a while and even w/ the best of intentions it's difficult to get out of that hole- or not fall back into it once you get a break. you need to let your family know, your friend, and most importantly your doctor. if you don't tell them they will have unrealistic expectations of you, misinterpret your behaviour, and not be able to provide you w/ the support they could give you if you would let them know and/or let them. I don't think you're lazy, as you said, it's more about motivation. if you weren't motivated at all why would you have come here and posted about this or spend all that $ on those self-help books? clearly you are trying, but it's more like being in a labyrinth with good intentions but no clear way out. what were you studying a year ago (or do you mean that's when you finished h/s)? is there anything that you would be interested in pursuing? I wonder if it would help getting involved w/ something, it doesnt' have to be work or school even, it could just be a class for fun at the community centre or an exercise class or a photography class or taking? a bunch of workshops on "how to's" etc.. this way you'd be doing something, you'd have a reason to get up in the morning and a goal for your day or that specific day, you'd inevitably meet people, and you might find out more about your interests and goals... I know it's not easy w/ the depression and anxiety, but it'd be a start. try doing something completely different or something you've always enjoyed or wanted to do.. maybe you could even get your friend you talked about go along w/ you? these are just ideas, but whatever you do, there are ways out of this, sometimes we just need a little help from others and there's nothing wrong w/ that.

 

[Indifferent]

Long reply there!?

I am sort of picky, because i tend to stay away from places I could get embarresd in (Im very shy? :red: ). Im looking for temperary work too. Thanks alot for the link, ive been on the monster website, just didnt bother looking around.

- reevaluate where you're at = How would I do that? What do you mean?
- what you want = I know it sounds silly, but I dont know.?
- what you can offer = Alittle computer knowledge is about it.
- what the other person is looking for = How do I find that out? Look at the company?

Im awfull, totally awfull when it comes to using the telephone.
Talking face to face would be a LITTLE less hard for me, its weird.
IBS stands for Irritable Bowel Syndrome.

Does anyone feel they go like this smile when embaressed =>? :red:
My ears go bright red, i'd rather it be the cheeks, then again we cant control where we go red. hehe
I am starting to do the little goals at home, its helping abit.

I wouldnt know what to say to my family, everyone already has there own problems. I was thinking of writing a letter for someone to read... would that be good?
I've never been to my doctor only to sign up about a year ago. Before that I hardly EVER went to see a doctor either. Dont think i'd be comfortable doing it.

I have good days, that I want to change, and get something to help. And not so good days.
I havnt been studying, I failed a course in the end of 04. I thought i'd like it, but didnt and like an idiot didnt go to the lessons. I missed over 50% I think, and got into trouble. Then my family found out and I tried to get a decent result, but it was too late. I did get a pass for one section but failed the rest. I have 200 pounds or about that much in my account, so I cant take classes yet unless there free, and there are not any that I like that are for free. I think a photography class would be cool, for a fun course. But, classroom situations, I just sit there and wish no one asks me anything or that I was someplace else. I might see whats available something thats not at all intense or too hard. We'll see.

I want to do something totally different, like I wanted to travel, but am to affraid to even think of it yet. But that is totally out there, im starting small. My freinds busy doing a course at the moment. We havnt met up for about a month or so. I dont know what I want, and that annoys me. I think of all the "stuff" like a house/car etc, but dont know what I want to do with my life or what I want to be. Seems like an easy enough question, but it gets me sometimes.

Its 03:16 here, better go to sleep!?

 

[Peanut]

Hey Indifferent,

I read your post last night but didn't have time to reply then, so hopefully I'll still remember everything correctly today.? I can empathize with you.? I was in a similar space several years back which would make me about your age.? There are certain jobs that are just to anxiety provoking to handle (for me and it sounds like for you)...I totally understand that and I know that sometimes it wouldn't be the jobs that people might think would be the most stressful, that really are...and I think that they are different for every person.

With that said, based on my own experience I think that you need to figure out what you can change to alleviate the situation and proceed to try to change it.? You have erected many roadblocks in your mind, which I did too.? The fact is that you will have to figure out a way around these road blocks if you want something to change.?

It sounds like two of your biggest road blocks sounds like they are anxiety and depression.? Dr. Baxter mentioned that those conditions are really treatable.? So one thing you could consider is, even though you don't want to talk to anyone about it, is getting treatment.? That would probably help.

If you don't want to do that, maybe you could do something to build your confidence and maybe that would help a lot, with both the depression and the anxiety.? For me it was a decision to go back to school.? That made a huge difference for me.? It greatly improved my confidence, and therefore my mood.? I know that you have a loan situation, where, if I'm understand correctly, that you did not pass some classes and were therefore no longer elgible for aid?? Or something like that.? Maybe there is some way to appeal that disqualification based on either depression, anxiety, or IBS.? There may be a way to become elgible again.?

Beyond that, I think that since you have a limited number of fields that interest you and that would fit your needs, that volunteering somewhere would be a good start.? If you were a volunteer at first maybe you would not feel like the issues that you have were such a hinderance because you wouldn't be getting paid and the place would probably just be appreciatative of what you could do for them.? I know you said that your parents don't want you to volunteer, but perhaps you need to have a serious talk with them letting them know that it is very important to you to be able to work that is rewarding and that you enjoy...or whatever you need to tell them to make them realize that it could be very important to you and intregal in the long run.? A good way to get a job is to start volunteering.? I have a feeling if you did this you would at least get a confidence boost and probably a boost in your mood too.?

My point is, that if you really want to change something that you need to find a way around the road blocks that you have erected in your mind.? Maybe you have to be creative in finding solutions but I think that they are there if you want to find them badly enough.? Maybe you can find one thing on your list of things that you can't or don't want to do to try and work through, and just doing one of those things, like getting treatment for your anxiety and depression, or volunteering, or finding a way to go back to school, could change your options a lot.

I know I had to stop thinking in terms of "Well, I can't do this because ____" and start thinking in terms of "I want to do this, how can I make it possible?"? ?It really changed a lot for me.? And I'm in therapy now, by the way, and I really didn't want to talk to anyone about my anxiety either!? I think you just have to do the best you can and have faith that the results will be good in the long run.? ?

 

[Indifferent]

Hey Indifferent,

I read your post last night but didn't have time to reply then, so hopefully I'll still remember everything correctly today. I can empathize with you. I was in a similar space several years back which would make me about your age. There are certain jobs that are just to anxiety provoking to handle (for me and it sounds like for you)...I totally understand that and I know that sometimes it wouldn't be the jobs that people might think would be the most stressful, that really are...and I think that they are different for every person.

With that said, based on my own experience I think that you need to figure out what you can change to alleviate the situation and proceed to try to change it. You have erected many roadblocks in your mind, which I did too. The fact is that you will have to figure out a way around these road blocks if you want something to change.

It sounds like two of your biggest road blocks sounds like they are anxiety and depression. Dr. Baxter mentioned that those conditions are really treatable. So one thing you could consider is, even though you don't want to talk to anyone about it, is getting treatment. That would probably help.

If you don't want to do that, maybe you could do something to build your confidence and maybe that would help a lot, with both the depression and the anxiety. For me it was a decision to go back to school. That made a huge difference for me. It greatly improved my confidence, and therefore my mood. I know that you have a loan situation, where, if I'm understand correctly, that you did not pass some classes and were therefore no longer elgible for aid? Or something like that. Maybe there is some way to appeal that disqualification based on either depression, anxiety, or IBS. There may be a way to become elgible again.

Beyond that, I think that since you have a limited number of fields that interest you and that would fit your needs, that volunteering somewhere would be a good start. If you were a volunteer at first maybe you would not feel like the issues that you have were such a hinderance because you wouldn't be getting paid and the place would probably just be appreciatative of what you could do for them. I know you said that your parents don't want you to volunteer, but perhaps you need to have a serious talk with them letting them know that it is very important to you to be able to work that is rewarding and that you enjoy...or whatever you need to tell them to make them realize that it could be very important to you and intregal in the long run. A good way to get a job is to start volunteering. I have a feeling if you did this you would at least get a confidence boost and probably a boost in your mood too.

My point is, that if you really want to change something that you need to find a way around the road blocks that you have erected in your mind. Maybe you have to be creative in finding solutions but I think that they are there if you want to find them badly enough. Maybe you can find one thing on your list of things that you can't or don't want to do to try and work through, and just doing one of those things, like getting treatment for your anxiety and depression, or volunteering, or finding a way to go back to school, could change your options a lot.

I know I had to stop thinking in terms of "Well, I can't do this because ____" and start thinking in terms of "I want to do this, how can I make it possible?" It really changed a lot for me. And I'm in therapy now, by the way, and I really didn't want to talk to anyone about my anxiety either! I think you just have to do the best you can and have faith that the results will be good in the long run.

Thanks for the reply.

First off, I failed a course, that was totally my fault. I simply didnt go. It wasnt something I wanted to do, and should have quit and done something else, looking back.

I used to be on job seekers allowance afew months ago, I was on there for quite some time! (over a year)
I was sent to places, basically to make you look for jobs, ones you dont want.
Anyway I got kicked off and they stopped the allowance because I wasnt searching enough. We had to find atleast around 3-4 jobs a day.
But I cant afford it, and my parents are saying go back on to job seekers allowance, dont know what they will say.

I've set up afew projects for myself (e.g. Find employment, volenteer, work on my health, education/learning etc). Im just working on breaking them down, in to managable chunks. Due to the good advice on here.

 

[g-scared]

hello indifferent. sorry, i am so late in replying to your question about support structures. however, i think that that lady is right. whatever structure you find has to come from within. this is one of the reasons i was so vague. i think that there are no easy answers, or lazy ways out. and solutions are different for everyone.

you seem well. and it seems like you are really putting yourself into it. this is most important. keep it up. i will try to do the same.
best regards,
g

 

[Peanut]

I've set up afew projects for myself (e.g. Find employment, volenteer, work on my health, education/learning etc). Im just working on breaking them down, in to managable chunks.

That sounds really good...way to go!!