Eye Stigmata
Member
How I wish that these words would purge you from my memories, the effects of having known you from deep in my soul. I wish that I could point my finger at you in a room full of your family, and tell them what you are. But of course that isn't reality, none of them would believe me.
I wonder if you still get pleasure from little girls...the grown ups were gone somewhere, why was I alone with you? Where were they when I needed them?
I still hate the feel of vaseline, I can't even think of it without flashes of pain, I still can't think of it without feeling it inside me. Do you remember what you did to me? I can't even imagine the gross pleasure you must have gotten in seeing me manipulated like that. I'll bet by the time I was old enough to really be under your spell, after years of abuse, that you were able to reassure yourself that I wanted it.
That my 7 year old self knew enough that I wanted you, that it was my fault, in your mind. You taught me that I didn't matter, you taught me that being a child wasn't safe. You pushed me down a path, you started a pattern.
Today.....I feel worthless, I feel like I'll never be healed. I feel like I'm suffocating on the only air I've got. I feel like the world should be stopping, It's the last day of 2009, I feel like tomorrow morning should be a fresh start......but it's just another day.....and time doesn't wait for anyone.
I wonder if you still get pleasure from little girls...the grown ups were gone somewhere, why was I alone with you? Where were they when I needed them?
I still hate the feel of vaseline, I can't even think of it without flashes of pain, I still can't think of it without feeling it inside me. Do you remember what you did to me? I can't even imagine the gross pleasure you must have gotten in seeing me manipulated like that. I'll bet by the time I was old enough to really be under your spell, after years of abuse, that you were able to reassure yourself that I wanted it.
That my 7 year old self knew enough that I wanted you, that it was my fault, in your mind. You taught me that I didn't matter, you taught me that being a child wasn't safe. You pushed me down a path, you started a pattern.
Today.....I feel worthless, I feel like I'll never be healed. I feel like I'm suffocating on the only air I've got. I feel like the world should be stopping, It's the last day of 2009, I feel like tomorrow morning should be a fresh start......but it's just another day.....and time doesn't wait for anyone.
