Hi, I desperately need some help. I feel like a total waste of life.
I struggle mostly with depression, self-hatred, lack of confidence, jealousy and fear ... a paralyzing combination. These problems interfere with my love life, career, faith and social life.
On the whole, the way I feel about myself has caused me to become unhealthily withdrawn (among other things). I almost always stay indoors and I've recently managed to push ALL of my friends away. Some of them are still reaching ... but I'm still hiding. People have hurt me deeply, so I avoid them ... all of them and the likes thereof. I've stopped taking calls and I don't go outdoors because I fear I will see someone I know and will have to explain to them why my life is a wreck.
I get so angry and hurt when I think about all the things I haven't been able to do because ... well, because I was stuck being me all of my life. I still miss out on too much because of who I am. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to live out the dreams I've dreamt up for myself. What's worse is that I have to watch others fulfill their dreams, some of which are identical to mine. This is where the jealousy grips and strangles me. It's gotten so bad that now I am jealous of anyone and everyone who is a constant reminder of what I'm not, whereas before they may have inspired me to become who I wanted to be. Now I can't even bear to hear about anyone who is doing better than I am, but yet I won't dare to get out there and do something because I feel completely useless, insignificant and afraid. I think my "talents" are inferior and inadequate. These feelings are reinforced when I hear people like my family support others and forget to support me. It seems each day brings something that sends me into even deeper emotional distress.
I'm just exhausted. I dont want to waste anymore of my life feeling this way but the person I've become is winning at destoying my future. What can I do?
I struggle mostly with depression, self-hatred, lack of confidence, jealousy and fear ... a paralyzing combination. These problems interfere with my love life, career, faith and social life.
On the whole, the way I feel about myself has caused me to become unhealthily withdrawn (among other things). I almost always stay indoors and I've recently managed to push ALL of my friends away. Some of them are still reaching ... but I'm still hiding. People have hurt me deeply, so I avoid them ... all of them and the likes thereof. I've stopped taking calls and I don't go outdoors because I fear I will see someone I know and will have to explain to them why my life is a wreck.
I get so angry and hurt when I think about all the things I haven't been able to do because ... well, because I was stuck being me all of my life. I still miss out on too much because of who I am. I'm afraid that I'll never be able to live out the dreams I've dreamt up for myself. What's worse is that I have to watch others fulfill their dreams, some of which are identical to mine. This is where the jealousy grips and strangles me. It's gotten so bad that now I am jealous of anyone and everyone who is a constant reminder of what I'm not, whereas before they may have inspired me to become who I wanted to be. Now I can't even bear to hear about anyone who is doing better than I am, but yet I won't dare to get out there and do something because I feel completely useless, insignificant and afraid. I think my "talents" are inferior and inadequate. These feelings are reinforced when I hear people like my family support others and forget to support me. It seems each day brings something that sends me into even deeper emotional distress.
I'm just exhausted. I dont want to waste anymore of my life feeling this way but the person I've become is winning at destoying my future. What can I do?