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Kuroshashu

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I'm a 21 year old male of Melbourne, Australia. About a year ago I was part-taking in my then favourite passtime: drunken online gaming. I didn't realise it when I chose it, but my online monkier could easily be mistaken for a female's (my initials feature and spell a female name). As a result, a gentleman in the game asked if I was a female, female players being an oddity. Drunken logic suggested that this could be a funny conversation and I responded in the affirmative. Since then, we've been talking online quite a bit, getting more intimate (not cyber-sex, but general closeness) until tonight it came to a head when this man confessed his love for me. A little more about this chap, he's a couple years younger than me, living alone in Melbourne, over-weight, depressed, self-cutting and isolated. Shortly after I started talking to him, I stopped until I was begged by a mutual friend to resume, as he'd gotten very depressed, although the extent to which was never revealed. I'm at a loss as to what to do. He claims to be bi-sexual and I've no clue what I am, but this whole affair has turned into a bloody great mess and I'm lost.
Thanks.
Kuroshashu.
 

David Baxter

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I see only two choices:

1. let him continue to believe you are female but tell him you are in a happy relationship and don't share his feelings and for that reason feel it's better not to continue these chats - not entirely honest but lets him down easy

2. tell him the brutal truth - that you're male, heterosexual, and that you were drunk and decided to play along but have no interest in a relationship with him - I don't recommend this if the guy is already depressed
 

Kuroshashu

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Yeah, I'd drawn the same conclusions, the problem is the he knows "me" a little to well to believe the first one and the second, like you say, is perhaps a little risky. Also, I've terminated the chats before and, while I never learnt what the response was, it was bad enough to cause mutual friends to intervene. I don't really care to send him into another spin like that, but then, this unrequited love business maybe just as damaging.
 

David Baxter

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If you have mutual friends, they should know better than to continue the charade. In the long run, it's really not helping the guy at all, is it? It's not like you're going to marry him and have his babies.

I'd suggest you let the mutual friends know you cannot continue this game and that they can relay to him that you're uncomfortable with the chats and suggest they tell him something along the lines of #1 above.

Basically, I think you understand that this was simply a bad idea that's getting progressively worse. The only options now are damage control.
 

AVC

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Just end the communication altogether, he will move on and find other friends, I think he is giving someone a sob story to garner attention.
 

Kuroshashu

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The mutual friend is question no longer has any contact with either of us. He was also in the game in which we met, but long since stopped talking to us. He was also under the illusion that I was female.
In retrospect, I can see that it was probably very naive to think otherwise, but over the last year, we have grown very close, but I didn't foresee any romantic issue. He now knows me better than any other person, except for the very fundamental things like my gender and location.
I really can't see how I can get out of this without striking a potentially fatal blow and the use of the word 'fatal' maybe more fitting than it looks. I don't know if he's suicidal, but he is cutting himself fairly frequently.
You're right, it's probably best just to terminate the whole thing, but still...
I wonder if a relationship is as impossible as it looks. He's bi and I'm reasonably sure I am. But then...
Hell, I don't know.
 

AVC

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Move on with your life before you get blamed for something he may do to himself.
 

Kuroshashu

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There's no-one to blame me, indeed there's no way I could know if he did himself a mischief. I just don't want him harmed. Particularly if I had a hand in it.
 
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AVC

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Well, if he does, your IP address is known in the records when you communicated with him online, that is why I tell you to end it now.

Good luck, I hope things work out for both of you guys and I'm sure it will.
 

David Baxter

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Surely I can't actually be blamed though. Is there a legal concern here?

I think that's highly unlikely based on what you've posted here but I would urge you to get out of this ASAP. Just sever the contact.

And learn from this - don't repeat the mistake.
 

Kuroshashu

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I suppose I am anonymous here.
The final issue clouding the already opaque water is that my admirer's sentiment may not be as unrequited as my former post suggested.
Phew. It took a bit to admit that, as it takes a bit just to admit it to myself. I know I'm a firm misogynist, I suppose being a poof makes logical sense. It's funny how society pushes the 'It doesn't matter what they look like' idea while scorning the logical extension of that very ideal: homosexuality. Anyway, tangent terminated.
 

David Baxter

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It's not really a tangent, K.

If you are genuinely attracted or interested in this person, that changes the whole dynamic - you still need to come clean about your gender, though.

If it's just been a game for you, that's more than a little cruel and should be terminated as quickly and painlessly as possible.

Only you know what you are feeling.
 

Kuroshashu

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"Only you know what you are feeling."

If only that were true. At any rate, you're right. Thanks.
 

matilda

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I havent been here for awhile so hello everyone, Kuroshashu I'm surprised that you could "pull off" being female for so long, he might have a sense that you are male. Sometimes people go along with the lie and they become caught up in a web of their own deciet.
matilda
 
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AVC

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Some people need to be told the same thing twice, some of us over and over forever ! :funny:
 

Kuroshashu

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That's an interesting point Matilda. At no point have I even attempted to sound feminine. The only difference has been to swap personal pro-nouns from him to her, otherwise I've always just said what I usually would've.
Oh well, I'll break it to him soonish and update you all.
 

Kuroshashu

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Well, I've come clean and, while contact hasn't been severed, he's withdrawn a hell of a lot and wants very little to do with me. C'est la vie.
 
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David Baxter

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That's his choice, of course. He needs to do what he needs to do to protect his feelings here.

You did the right thing.
 

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