What A Psychologist Really Thinks About You

[David Baxter PhD]

What A Psychologist Really Thinks About You
by Dr. Stephanie Smith
May 20th, 2010

Going to see a psychologist is hard. Picking up the phone to make the appointment is tough, getting yourself to the appointment is even harder, and then actually opening up and talking once you?re there can be a huge challenge. When my clients talk to me about how tough it was for them to make that first appointment, one of the reasons they often cite is that they have been afraid of what I might be thinking about them. Below are some fears and truths about what psychologists really think about their patients.

• They?ll laugh at me because my situation is so embarrassing.
  For women, remember the first time you went to the gynecologist and you were so nervous, and some older, wiser person told you not to worry because the doctor had seen it all ? and worse ? before you? Well, the same holds true for psychologists. We?ve heard a lot, probably more than you could ever imagine. Chances are that your story, while embarrassing to you, won?t freak us out. It?s our job to hear all sorts of different things and deal with it in professional, helpful and nonjudgmental ways. It?s one of the key skills we learn over time.
  
  
• They?ll blab my problems all over town.
  One of the best things about psychologists is that, with a few exceptions, what you tell them is confidential. It?s between you and them ? no one else. Not even your boyfriend, mom, best friend, spouse can call up and pry the goods out of the tight-lipped psychologist.
  
  
• They?ll think I am a terrible person.
  We all make mistakes, make poor decisions and do things we regret. Most psychologists don?t waste their time judging their clients. They?re too busy listening to what you have to say, thinking of insightful (and hopefully helpful) things to say back and managing the rhythm and pace of the session.
  
  
• They?ll think I?m crazy and will have me locked up.
  This might be one of the most frequent things I hear in my office. And while I have seen many people with many different mental illnesses, I have never diagnosed someone as ?crazy,? and I do not have a straightjacket in my closet. The only time I participate in a client being ?locked up? is when they are a true danger to themselves or someone else. Not because they have broken up and gotten back together with the same woman seven times, hate their mother, or want to quit their job so they can watch the Twilight Saga movies all day.

The long and short of it is that psychologists are there to listen and help. You should feel confident and safe in their office. And if you don?t, it?s time to talk to them about it, or move on to a different provider.

 

[Ryan Howes]

These are some very good points - clients often feel anxious before the first session, and this article definitely highlights several of the main fears: humiliation, betrayal, criticism and condemnation. I'd like to add a few other fears (in question form) I've heard from my clients and my student's clients:

Is therapy a huge waste of time and money?
A lot of people question whether therapy is an effective way to handle emotions and relationships, or if it's just blowing money and time on something friends, family or they themselves can handle. Looking at ways therapy is often portrayed in the media, I don't blame them. But plenty of research has shown therapy to be effective for many issues and disorders.

What if I become dependent on my therapist?
This happens, and unfortunately some therapists allow it to continue far longer than it should. As I've noted with several of my previous comments, dependency in therapy isn't always a bad thing, as long as it's in the best interest of the client and doesn't continue indefinitely. But not all therapists are good at handling dependency, so this is a legitimate risk.

How much is this going to hurt?
People often come to therapy knowing that there is work to be done and some of it may include unpleasant feelings. They're right. It's in our nature to seek pleasure and avoid pain, and coming to therapy goes against this (at least at first). I try to reassure them that while some of the work may be unpleasant, we won't move any faster than they can tolerate, that we will be working together, and they always have the option to stop for any reason.

Does my therapist have a clue?
People want to be understood, and they want to know they are in capable hands. There are enough messages out there from news stories, friends and (again) the media to raise suspicion about the ethics and effectiveness of therapists. Clients should look to the therapist's education, license and reputation to alleviate some of these concerns, and after a few sessions trust their gut to answer this question.

How will this end?
Many clients, especially those who have had some difficult loss in their life, are reluctant to begin a new relationship because they are already anticipating the pain waiting for them at the end. I hope therapists will spend time making sure therapy has the good, complete, bittersweet closure that is far too infrequent in our world today. I've often said therapy can provide clients the gift of one good ending in their life. I hope more therapists join me in this.

 

[forgetmenot]

does a therapist ever just get so tired of working with a pt that seems to not progess I often think my therapist gets tired of not seeing the results he tries so hard to get I think they are worth every cent they get because they have the skills to listen and to see when others don't i just feel i am failing thats all I seem to be failing. to no fault of my therapist

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I don't get tired as long as I can see that the client is continuing to put in the effort to the best of his or her ability at the time.

I may get to a point where I think perhaps I'm not the best therapist for that person and suggest a referral to someone who might have a different approach or style, but again that wouldn't be about the client - that would be perhaps dissatisfaction with the limits of my own skill or knowledge.

 

[forgetmenot]

I would not want my therapist to ever be dissatisfied with his efforts i hope i can start feeling better so i can keep moviing forward not backward. this downward spiral perhaps is normal sometimes As a patient i worry because i don't want him to think he failed it is i who have failed him and myself thanks fro you response I just don't want my T to get frustrated with me