What Do You Consider A 'Good' Session?

[GDPR]

To me, a good session is one where I leave feeling like I have actually made some headway,have made some kind of progress,or had an AHA! moment.

Today I thought the entire session was a waste of time,and said so. I was surprised when my T said he thought it was a really good one.

Maybe my idea of a good one is different than my T's.

I'm just curious,what do you consider a 'good' session?

 

[rdw]

Did you ask him why he thought the session went well? Maybe he sees something that you don't see.

 

[positivethoughts]

I always find it interesting what my therapist considers a "good" session.

I remember one time we spent the hour in what I call small talk. I talked about the books I like to read and my hobbies. I talked about the movies I like to see and the interest I have in documentaries. I also talked about the music I liked and that I do not like. I also talked about some of the family activity.

I thought the session was not productive. My therapist response was to say that it was a "good" session because it was the "real" me. I was confident to speak about what I enjoyed and did not. I was able to relax and share who I am.

While other times a "good" session leaves me with more questions than answers.

 

[Banned]

This is a good question, LIT.

I'm not sure what I consider a good session. I don't necessarily have my AHA moments in session. I think a good session for me is multi-fold...

- I take away stuff to think about between now and my next session. During the week I may or may not have an AHA moment. Great if I do, not the end of the world if I don't.
- I feel like I was listened to. I know this sounds obvious - I pay the dude to listen to me. But sometimes even though we have their full attention, we can still feel like we're not being heard. Maybe I just can't communicate that day (ergo it's not him it's me). Maybe it's more than being listened to - maybe it's more that I feel really connected, especially if we're sloshing through deeper stuff.
- A really, really good session for me is when I manage to talk about something that is really, really difficult. My therapist and I do a lot of emailing between sessions, so it's easy to hide behind the computer when it comes to more difficult stuff. Sometimes I want to feel the pain and agony of getting it off my chest even though it's way easier just to email it ahead of time. I feel really good, and proud of myself, and a bit stronger on the days when I can push past the fear and verbalize things instead of just saying "Um, I'll send you an email when I get home". It's actually what I look forward to when I go to therapy.

 

[GDPR]

Did you ask him why he thought the session went well? Maybe he sees something that you don't see.

I already know why because we talked about it. I was just surprised that my idea of a good session is obviously different than his.

I just think it's odd that little things,like crying,or being more 'real'(as positivethoughts said) can have a different meaning to a therapist,when to us,it seems like a waste of time.

---------- Post Merged at 02:03 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 02:00 PM ----------

I do a lot of emailing between sessions, so it's easy to hide behind the computer when it comes to more difficult stuff.

I sometimes email too.But what I don't like about it is sometimes the way an email is perceived isn't how it sounds in my head as I'm typing. But I agree,it IS easy to hide behind the computer and say things that are hard to say out loud.

 

[Banned]

I don't mind crying. I think it speaks volumes and is anything but a waste of time. A few weeks ago I walked in, sat down, and looked at him. I must have looked different although I was trying to hide it because he said "are you ok" and I started crying without having said a word. I was able to talk about some really good stuff that session though and it was hard and he obviously knew. I also felt really connected because I didn't think I looked that off to start with and after was kind of impressed he picked up on it that quickly. It was a hard session but a productive one and a good one.

 

[GDPR]

I didn't think I looked that off to start with and after was kind of impressed he picked up on it that quickly

I have always worked hard to hide what I'm feeling,and it freaks me out(and kind of bothers me)that my T can tell what I'm feeling,even if I haven't said a word. He said I seemed very self-conscious,which I did,but then felt even more so because he noticed and commented on it.

I don't mind crying,but I don't like someone watching me cry.It feels so awkward when my T is taking notes while I am doing it...it feels like I'm a lab rat or something.

Does your T ever say anything when you're crying? I wish mine would say something,I can't stand the awkwardness. He always tells me it's ok to cry,and it's safe to cry,but then when I do, it doesn't feel so safe or ok to when he's just sitting there,watching. I don't expect to be consoled or anything, I'm not sure exactly what would make me feel better about it,but I wish he would say something.

 

[Banned]

I don't make a conscious effort to hide what I'm feeling in therapy. I think that's counter-productive. If I can't be brutally honest with my therapist about what's going on then who can I be brutally honest with?

It was the only time I've cried and he didn't know why I was crying at that point because all he said was "are you ok?". When I said no he just said we'd go at my own pace but I just spilled it.

I had a good session yesterday. It wasn't packed with emotion but certainly the days leading up to it were. We agreed on some medication changes that I'm going to talk to my doctor about, and talked a bit about some things that were on my mind. Sometimes good sessions can be calm and low key. There was something I wanted to talk about and we didn't have time so I'll save it for next week. No biggie.

i travel a great distance geographically to get to therapy so I try to use every second of my hour very productively. My sessions are important. I don't need to leave every week feeling like Im ready to change the world because that's not what I'm in therapy for, but if I felt like I was having more bad sessions than good then this would be a discussion with my therapist for sure.

do you review where you feel you're at from time to time with your therapist to see if you're still on track and both still on the same page? That's important too...

 

[GDPR]

I guess trying to hold back tears is a conscious effort to hide what I'm feeling,isn't it?

I have been thinking about this since I posted this morning.Thinking about how awkward it makes me feel with him sitting there,just watching and not saying anything. It made me think about all the times I was crying as a child and nobody said anything. Nobody even acknowledged that I was.

It took a long time to be able to cry in therapy,and I didn't have a problem with it at all once I did, but lately, things have been really intense in there,I've been talking about some pretty hard things,and now,crying feels too awkward. I think it makes me feel like I did when I was a child.

And yes, I do check to see if I'm still on track, often actually,because alot of times I forget the big picture and have to be reminded of what I'm working towards.

 

[MHealthJo]

I am not sure whether anyone who is not a practitioner can answer this, but is it quite common for certain types of therapists to offer, say, a hug or a touch at these times, if discussed in advance with the patient and the patient is comfortable with that, and it would be beneficial (or at least not counterproductive) in the therapist's opinion?

Does it depend on the the type of therapist or counsellor, as well as maybe different laws or codes of practice in each area?

It's really not something I imagine when I think 'psychologist' or 'psychiatrist'. But something (I cant remember what) is making me think I've heard of this happening with some types of therapists now, and that it's not necessarily inappropriate....? Hmm, I'm also thinking of the therapist in the movie 'TransAmerica'. Not sure how accurate that is to influence my impressions.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I am not sure whether anyone who is not a practitioner can answer this, but is it quite common for certain types of therapists to offer, say, a hug or a touch at these times, if discussed in advance with the patient and the patient is comfortable with that, and it would be beneficial (or at least not counterproductive) in the therapist's opinion?

Does it depend on the the type of therapist or counsellor, as well as maybe different laws or codes of practice in each area?

It's really not something I imagine when I think 'psychologist' or 'psychiatrist'. But something (I cant remember what) is making me think I've heard of this happening with some types of therapists now, and that it's not necessarily inappropriate....? Hmm, I'm also thinking of the therapist in the movie 'TransAmerica'. Not sure how accurate that is to influence my impressions.

I think this is something most therapists today are quite careful about, given the potential for misinterpretation. I don't hug clients. I think it's important to preserve a professional persona and I also think that many patients might find hugging alarming or an invasion of personal space.

I also don't think it's necessary. I think a therapist can be totally supportive and empathic verbally and through tone of voice, etc.

 

[GDPR]

Well I would definitely not be ok with my therapist hugging me,or even trying to.

I was crying,and when I looked at him, the way he looked felt the same as him saying "I don't care". So I quickly dried my tears. I felt like I was wasting time by crying,like it was a disruption. And I left feeling like the entire session was a waste of time because I couldn't control myself.

I don't really know how I would like him to react. I just can't stand the awkward silence. I would prefer he say something,anything,even comment on the weather. It would be better than silence.

 

[cswhitchurch]

I am not quite a professional-- I'm an MSW student, so I do therapy where I currently work but I'm just an intern But I thought I'd reply to this because these are the sort of things we discuss quite frequently in supervision meetings, etc. I think that typically it is considered a no-no to most clinicians, but at the same time it does vary depending on specific circumstances at times. My supervisor adheres to very strict boundaries about touching, even if it means coming across as rude or something... but she has her reasons and most of her work is intensive short-term, so it does make sense. However, many of my professors who have established practices of their own will give case examples, and the examples they give are often the ones where they did go "off the book" because in that particular situation it seemed like the right thing to do.

Personally, I agree with Dr. Baxter that it's usually not necessary for physical touch to be involved, and that it is completely possible to convey the same level of empathy without hugging or touching. I also think it's almost always inappropriate for a therapist to initiate a hug. There have been times when I have felt it appropriate to give an encouraging pat on the shoulder to a patient who is leaving after a particularly emotional session. But actually just today, I had a patient hug me! (I am using the term 'patient' instead of 'client' because I'm working in a hospital setting, btw.) This person in particular was only talking to me because she felt she had to, and most of it was just sort of going through the motions, gathering information-- it was her first day, and the first time we had met. But some of my questions brought up some pretty traumatic stuff that it became clear she had not ever really dealt with. And she cried. And it became clear that she had never really allowed herself to "go there" about this stuff before, but rather had been burying it. When we ended the meeting, I was completely caught off guard by her opening her arms wide and stepping forward to give me a hug, while saying "Thanks for listening." It did not feel inappropriate at all to give a quick hug-- but if I were more experienced, perhaps I would have been prepared with some other way to respond to that situation. Or perhaps not! I'm not sure.

I think a number of different factors come into play here, and maybe a lot of it has to do with the therapist (so don't take it personally!!) We talk a lot in my classes about 'self-care' and boundaries-- as well as ethics!!-- so a therapist who has a strict no-touching rule or no-hugging or whatever, may be following the guidelines of their agency, or their profession, or just their own personal decisions.

I would also like to add that if you feel a certain way towards the way your therapist responded to a situation (such as crying), maybe it would be worthwhile to bring up at your next session, just to discuss!

Sorry for the long reply

 

[Banned]

My last therapist was a hugger. But it was female to female and I didn't really think much of it at the time. She was also really into body work in therapy so her style was really really different.

My current therapist is not a hugger and quite frankly I'd be really uncomfortable if he was. He's male and I'm female and I would find it awkward and questionable at best. When I'm struggling he has the professional expertise to choose the right words to help me and comfort me. He's not my partner, or my father, or my brother. He's my therapist. The only thing I would change is he sits too far away so I sit on the floor because it brings me a whole two feet closer which makes it easier to open up a bit.

Sometimes awkward silence is not a bad thing, LIT. It allows you to think, and process, and figure out where you're at. I've had to learn to be ok with awkward silence and while I don't want an hour of it a couple minutes is ok. You can also throw the ball back in his court to break the silence by asking questions about your situation or anything at all.

 

[Meg]

I would never initiate a hug, but I have never rejected one when offered, either. It doesn't happen terribly often (except around Christmas! I remember on the 21st of December last year almost everyone hugged me!) and, without exception, I have been pretty sure that rejecting it would be embarrassing for the client and would probably do more harm than good. I can't remember ever having been offered one by a male client. I reckon if I was I would probably make a joke about compromising and offer a handshake instead.

It can be hard because in my personal life I am definitely a 'hugger' and my natural instinct is to offer one to or put an arm around someone who is upset if I know them well enough and think they'd be ok with it. I know that I am someone who really appreciates that physical reassurance when I am upset. In session, though, I have to restrain myself and pass the tissues instead

 

[MHealthJo]

Thanks for everyone's input; I had been wondering about this.

 

[making_art]

I love hugging my family and hug my friends when appropriate but would not feel comfortable hugging a therapist. It would be like hugging your family doctor...

LostInThought, crying when you are talking with your therapist is definintely not a waste of time etc. Be careful not to put thoughts and feelings on other people by assuming someone is feeling or thinking a certain way. There is no way to know for sure unless the person tells you what they are thinking and feeling. Maybe you should talk with your therapist about these feelings you had during this session you mentioned :support:

A cyber hug is a little different though.....isn't it?

A different take on hugs and professionalism: One organization I worked for, that provides group homes for people with developmental or intellectual disabilities, had a no hugging policy for staff and residents. Many of us found this hard if the individual did not have any family or were adolescents.

I also find it hard not to allow hugs from the children I work with in elementary schools but it is a workplace policy. :grouphug3:

 

[W00BY]

I think you hit the nail on the head turtle with if you can't be brutally honest with your therapist who can you be honest with?

I think that in it's self (for some) is a learned habit, it certainly was for me and I still need to practice it continually even now my sessions have stopped.

As for a "good" session I found a lot of "AH HA!!!" moments did happen in therapy but also in the most absurd places and times...mainly when my mind had time to roam and it just snowballed.

I personally considered a session as "good" if I excised some of the stuff that weighed me down mentally, that I had said something or went places conversationally I usually would not, dredge the depths so to speak as this is something I will literally never do outwith the therapeutic relationship and I quickly realized that I may go into the room full of ideas of what the session would be like and what I wanted to talk about to find something completely different in that moment came to be.

As for crying I tried not to in my sessions but as I progressed I felt less uncomfortable with it, I didn't give way completely to the therapeutic process either I told my therapist that there are things I will never tell anyone and the therapy helped me to be okay with that too.

I think a good session from both the client and therapist point of view changes with time and the relationship building and most good sessions in my mind are only fully realized in hind sight.