What do you do when the world seems black

[bigflatblike71]

Struggling in a big way at present. Not on any medication for the first time in 15 years as the doctor doesn't know what to try next.

Everything is turned up to 11 but I can't seem to experience any ups, only the downs.

How do I survive and get passed this?

 

[Harebells]

Hi,
Sorry that you're struggling. Do you have any support or anyone to talk to? Did you stop the medication abruptly? Sorry I don't really have any words of advice - when I have any kind of crash I still never really know what to do, although I guess they do pass as I'm still here - not that that helps at all at the time. I guess different people are helped by different things, some might need distraction, others to feel everything fully. I don't know your situation. Does your doctor know that you're feeling so low? Have you thought about trying another doctor? No disrespect at all to your current doctor - just that a new person can sometimes have different ideas/a fresh perspective. Whatever else be as kind as you can to yourself. Hope you feel much better soon.

 

[bigflatblike71]

Thanks for your kind words. I recently changed medication from Duloxetine. I had been on this 8 years but my anxiety started to go through the roof. Came off the duloxetine slowly but this was very problematic. I then switched to trazodone but this made the world turn black. I decided to come off the trazodone, if I hadn't I don't think I'd still be here. My doctor couldn't suggest what to try next, so decided to see how I did with nothing and put me on the list for community support. I have had my initial phone interview and won't be offered any support/treatment until I reach the top of the list in a few months.

 

[Harebells]

Ugh yeah, coming off meds can be absolutely grim sometimes. When did you stop? So bad that someone has to wait months for help when they desperately need it. It's the same where I am - there has been so much campaigning here for adequate mental health services but then the health minister even took funds that had been corraled for mental health and gave them to other departments. So sorry you're in this situation. I know this is a weird suggestion but I've seen people have made video diaries on YouTube about their experiences of stopping taking medications - just might be worth a look as sometimes feeling alone with something can make it even worse. Sorry I really wish i had something more helpful to suggest.

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Can you still visit your doctor, just to check in and have someone to talk to? How did you feel when he wanted to stop meds? I think I might feel a bit abandoned if someone said they 'didn't know what to try next', depending on how it was broached I guess. That's just me though, I don't want to put words in your mouth.

 

[Retired]

My doctor couldn't suggest what to try next

There are many options for treatment of depression and anxiety available today. If you have only been prescribed two different medications, that caused problems, why has your doctor not opted to prescribe one of the many other antidepressants SSRI's or SNRI's?

If one particular compound loses effectiveness in relieving symptoms or suddenly begins causing adverse reactions, a switch to a different compound can often work better. Occasionally several changes might be necessary, through trial and error, to find the right combination of medication that works best with an individual's brain / body chemistry.

Are you being treated by a specialist (psychiatrist) or a general practitioner?

Can you request that you be referred to another specialist for a second opinion and to assess your situation?

 

[bigflatblike71]

I have been on many medications over the last 15 years so the doctor is not being lax. I have been referred but it is a long and slow process. The question you are always asked is about ending your life. I have a daughter who has aspergers and has here own problems, because of this I am still here and won't end my own life, no matter how bad it feel. Because I admit this to the professionals then I am not a priority and can wait.

 

[Harebells]

So has a GP been treating you for those 15years, and you haven't been referred to a specialist yet?

 

[bigflatblike71]

I've changed gps and around 5 years ago levelled out at a really good place. Just over 2 years ago things took a turn for the worst with my mother, who I was very close with, being diagnosed with cancer at Halloween and losing the fight on Christmas Eve. My wife of 5 years also suffers with her own problems and has spent time in a unit after an overdose.

I was superman to my wife and family for a while and struggle because I can't be now.

It's not possible to express yourself on a forum like this with a phone, but feel this is a form or realise just the same.

 

[MHealthJo]

Glad that you have a place where you can express yourself and share your story and be heard here, Big.

Your journey has been a complex and very, very tough one.

And I am so sorry that two years ago you lost a very close source of support and connection that you had.

Loss is so, so difficult.

And loss can also be a loss of an identity or role we had at another time, which was a kind of meaning or purpose for us.... there are many different kinds of things in life that can help us to feel a sense of value or meaning in life or in ourselves or in our time.... and when there is a huge change in one of those things, or even more than one of them, that can be an absolutely enormous blow.......

It can feel like life itself is lost.

It is an incredibly difficult journey, the journey through these kinds of losses or changes, towards one day finding another sense of meaning or value or purpose or hope that currently feels either nonexistent, or very very far away.

I do feel that it is a positive thing that there are so many on internet forums or blogs or via books or memoirs or biographies, who have shared or are sharing their infinite varieties of difficult journeys through dark and light... it has saved me many times, feeling less alone by knowing the journeys of others and finding something similar to mine.... And yes, being able to share mine and it being heard and validated has been huge at times....

We hope that you will keep sharing whatever you want to share so that your mind and heart can feel a little less alone on their path through this life Big.
Kindness and compassion to you......

 

[MHealthJo]

Oh, one more thing...

When they ask the question about ending life, who knows, maybe just in order to alert the system that you do need assistance, you could consider the possibility of saying "Well, who knows, I guess it's possible." The truth is that without assistance and support and treatment, we don't know what could happen or where we might end up. Maybe some sort of slight change of wording on that subject could speed up the system's response to you a little. But you know your system far better than I do of course.

I've also noticed recently the good role that large mental health charities are playing in some places where the actual formal mental health system lets people down. The websites, blogs, social media accounts, and phonelines of these charities are great things to keep an eye on and are good things to connect with... and sometimes point us to different types of services and other charities we were not aware of before....

Just suddenly thought of a couple more possible ideas so decided to jot them down.

Thinking of you Big.

 

[Retired]

I have been on many medications over the last 15 years so the doctor is not being lax.....I've changed gps and around 5 years ago levelled out at a really good place.

Treating depression with SSRI /SNRI's can require trial and error over a prolonged period and it is usually worth re-trying compounds that have not been effective in the past. As brain chemistry becomes "reset" with continued use of these medications, the effectiveness and tolerance of previously less effective medications can change.

In addition, the synergy of supportive psychotherapy in conjunction with medication therapy is more effective in relieving symptoms than either form of therapy alone.

Have you been seen by a psychiatrist during this time?

Have you been treated with supportive psychotherapy in addition to your prescribed medications?

Do you have a local support system of friends and family to assist in dealing with your wife's treatment?

I have a daughter who has aspergers

Is your daughter able to function on her own or does she require family assistance?

 

[Harebells]

Hope you're doing okay. Sounds like you've had so much going on. It sounds like this must be an especially hard time of year for you after losing your mum at Christmas time. Your daughter is lucky to have a dad who struggles through the pain to be there with her and it's good that you have someone you love so much. I agree with MhealthJo that it might be good to really emphasise to mental health services if you've been feeling suicidal, you have a right to help as much as anyone else.

 

[bigflatblike71]

Thanks for the responses . I will reply when I feel in a place where I can do so.

 

[MHealthJo]

Sure, Big. And no pressure to reply to all questions straight away as it can be a lot of mental effort, if instead you would like to keep expressing further thoughts or feelings that come up and come back to any questions later or anything.

 

[making_art]

Hugs to you, Big....and welcome.

 

[forgetmenot]

Just want to say also if you can let professionals know that you feel so alone and you need support now as your family needsyou to be there because they are all I'll. You have no one to support You. Your community can help as well a lay person priest minister can be someone to talk to abt your depression Does your work cover for a professional therapist Glad you are reaching out here as well

 

[bigflatblike71]

Been to the gps this morning and currently waiting for a call from the crisis team. Work were supportive as usual wanting to know if I'd be back tomorrow and that I'd need a sick note to cover the holidays as today is the first day back.

 

[Harebells]

That's good you went to talk to your gp and that he heard you. I hope the crisis team called and will be able to help. I know it's much easier said than done but try not to worry too much about work for now. Some people just don't get it if they haven't been there themselves. This is an emergency and you absolutely did the right thing.