What do you think

[jeffrey]

I have never been diagnosed with any disorder,but,i know that i have been through some traumatic times that have effected my mental health.

I read a lot and maybe the power of suggestion influences me somewhat,so that i think some disorders apply to me,BPD being the main one.

In the past i went through a very bad relationship in which both parties bahaved very badly toward one another,lots of drugs were involved and very bad accusations made...Police were involved!

One of the bad things that my partner falsely accused me of effected me in such a way that i suffered a mental breakdown,her accusations were detracted and all charges dropped,but rumours flowed none the less.

Now time has moved on,my ex has moved from my town,but still i`m affected.

I am a member of a gym and have been for three years now,i have quit drugs and drink in moderation now,i am so much healthier mentally and physically.

I enjoy using the spa and sauna at the facility and sometimes there are pretty young women that go there,i try and be friendly to most people as it is my nature.

Recently i have had some people who go there asking me probing questions,it`s only when i get home and relax that i refelct on those questions and some of them seem suspicious to me.

Then i notice a new member who tries to get my trust by being polite,but i recognise his face...He is a policeman.Another member who is fairly new comments on this new member and i tell him that i recognise that member as a police officer,the next thing is that the police man stops coming and the man that asked me about him starts to give me a wide berth.

Also i notice that two of the young women that use the spa who i have talked to have stopped coming,i`m noticing those glances off of people in the gym that are getting me really aggravated.

In my mind i think that some one has been purposefully spreding malicious rumours about me to try and make my life a misery.I`m trying to get on with my life,i`ve already been through hell,i`ve already suffered but still i find myself wanting to explian to people what happened in my past because i feel that many people only know the half of it,or have only heard what they want to.

I know what happened and that should be enough but it`s not...I have been told that i may be being paranoid but i honestly think that i`m not,i seem to be able to tell the difference these days,but are these just coincidences that i`m witnessing or is there something going on.

This is how my mind percieves the situation:I`m accused of rape by an ex girlfriend a few years ago,she drops charges the second day after making the accusation but still the damage is done.Rumours are spread in the small town i live in,the ex moves away and i`m left to take the flak,i join a gym and clean my act up.

I try to make new friends at the gym,i just so happen to make conversation to two young women a few weeks in a row down in the spa,then a police man comes to the gym and tries to be friendly to me,i recognise him as a police man,i tell this to a friend at the gym,police man stops coming,the friend starts avoiding me and the two young women stop going to the spa...When i say young i mean between 16 and 18,i`m 33.I`m aware of how certain situations and people can be percieved and i have been very careful but one cannot live a life being afraid of what people may think,but because of what has happened to me in my past it may be better if i trust no one and be totally insular in my life,but to me that would be a prison sentance.

I would like your opinions and advice on my current situation please.

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Jeffrey,

I had to come back to your post...I wasn't quite sure how to answer your question. So I'll approach it in several chunks.

I have never been diagnosed with any disorder,but,i know that i have been through some traumatic times that have effected my mental health.

I read a lot and maybe the power of suggestion influences me somewhat,so that i think some disorders apply to me,BPD being the main one.

Do you think you have a mental illness? Have you gone to see a doctor but just haven't been diagnosed? This is pretty important Jeffrey - if you haven't already gone, I'd get it checked out with a psychologist and/or psychiatrist.

but one cannot live a life being afraid of what people may think,but because of what has happened to me in my past it may be better if i trust no one and be totally insular in my life,but to me that would be a prison sentance.

Being isolated in one's life is never good for us Jeffrey. But maybe you need to find other activities outside of your gym where you might meet other people.

But I think you're on to something when you say that you can't care what others think. That IS a from of imprisonment - then you end up living your life according to what may or may not be said about you. Other people can be terribly insensitive and no, they don't always understand mental illness.

So I'd recommend getting out there and finding people that uplift you rather than drag you down Jeffrey - they are out there. The're just not, maybe, at your gym....:support:

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: Jeffery. I agree with Jazzey 100%. Please make an appointment with your General Practicioner or Family Doctor.

Explain the symptoms you are coping with, even write them down to just in case you are nervous at your appointments and might forget.

Your doctor can then refer you to a Psychologist or Psychiatrist to be evaluated. It seems scary, but you have already made the first step, you recognize you might have a mental illness. Many people go years on denial, so that is amazing you came right out with it!

You can feel free to answer all the questions they ask openly. They don't judge. I was so afraid when I went that they would, but the ones I saw were both very kind.

I am sorry I don't have any other advice to offer on your current situation.

 

[amastie]

Hi Jeffrey

what struck me first of all is that you don't *need* a diagnosis to be mentally disturbed or emotionally fragile. It is all part of being vulnerable, and being human :support:

That said, you sound so afraid, that it might help you a lot to seek out a counsellor or a therapist for help. Even without a diagnosis, being frightened so much of the time isn't healthy. A psychoogist or a psychiatrist might be able to help if the fear is debilitating and undermining of your quality of life. (The only difference - which I think is true in the US as in Australia and perhaps wherever you live - is that a psychiatrist can prescribe medication to help ease your fears whereas a psychologist cannot - though a psychologist can help you to identify strategies - *or* a diagnosis - if that will help you.

One thought I had also was that you said that your talking to the policeman in the gym was friendly. Would it then be possible for you to visit that policeman at the police station (ring ahead to book to speak to him) and talk openly about your fear of others at the gym knowing about those rumours? If he is truly friendly and open, he may be able to put your fears (or some of them) at rest by telling you if he did say anything to others at the gym. Of course, he may not want to tell you the truth if he has done. On the other hand, it may be a good thing - if he says that he did tell them - for him to know the effect on you of him having done that. That might help to prevent him speaking of it to anyone else. It may be too hard for you to do that, in which case I wouldn't recommend trying. It's just a thought.

I don't know how big your town is, but could you go to a different gym?

I'm glad you are able to talk about it in here.

I wish you well,

amastie

 

[jeffrey]

Thank you all for your input on my situation.

I have had councelling before for drug problems which helped me to understand and deal with my problems.

Recently i gave my doctor a visit,he has been with me for years through my drug problems and through my relationship problem,he has offered me anti depressants but i really don`t want to take them,he said that if i do have BPD (boderline personality disorder) it very mild,he said that he would talk to a psychiatrist for a referal but if i didn`t hear from the psychiatrist then it is because my symptoms are not servere enough to warrant it.

I think really with me it`s how i cope with situations as they arise,and to rise above them,which i have been good at doing,but, it`s this recent experience that has got me thinking too much of what people may or may not think of me again.It`s not just the gym though,it is a small town and rumours get round fast...I suppose it`s human nature to gossip and demonize without really knowing the facts,if we lived in the past i would probably have been lynched by now.

 

[Jazzey]

Recently i gave my doctor a visit,he has been with me for years through my drug problems and through my relationship problem,he has offered me anti depressants but i really don`t want to take them,he said that if i do have BPD (boderline personality disorder) it very mild,he said that he would talk to a psychiatrist for a referal but if i didn`t hear from the psychiatrist then it is because my symptoms are not servere enough to warrant it.

Can I ask why you're resistant to taking anti-depressants? From what I understand, anti-depressants can really help and, they can, depending on the patient, be taken for a short term (about a year).

And unfortunately, it is human nature to gossip. It hurts until we get better at realizing that it's just that...."gossip".

I'm sorry you're going through this. Just find avenues that are good for you; keep going to the gym and exercising, listen to some "feel good" music and try and work on you without being influenced by the externals.

I don't know if you've had an opportunity to explore this forum yet but, there are some great exercises to combat depression. Let me know if you've found them. If you haven't, I'll be happy to help you find some. But please do consider going and talking to your doctor again; at the very least, to discuss the pros and cons of the anti-depressant. I would also consider seeing a psychologist or psychiatrist. Even if this is only for an initial consultation. I think it might help you in determining where you are with all this. And the psychologist can also really help you with issues surrounding depression.

Lots of support your way Jeffrey.:support: