Turtle said:
Turtle, I think you may have stumbled on to an excellent topic for a new thread: What does getting "better" mean to you?
For me, it would be simply not dreading the day from the moment I wake up. That would be my first clue.
- Thread starter Fiver
- Start date
Turtle, I think you may have stumbled on to an excellent topic for a new thread: What does getting "better" mean to you?
For me, it would be simply not dreading the day from the moment I wake up. That would be my first clue.
For me, the first thing it would mean would be that suicide is not my default response to any negative situation, no matter how minor. Right now, the second something goes wrong, I turn to suicide as a solution. I'm working on this, but I'm definitely not there yet.
And of course there are numerous other issues before I'll consider myself "better".
And of course there are numerous other issues before I'll consider myself "better".
I understand that response. For me, there's a prerequisite step: First I must believe that everything that goes wrong is most definitely my fault. THEN I can hit that suicide-as-solution stage.
Today it was pointed out to me that my periods of desperation are becoming shorter, and that I'm becoming better able to take the necessary steps to stop myself before I end up where I was last April. That's a sign of "better" to me, although it's still not exactly the cure I'm waiting for.
Remember that each of us will always be a "Work In Progress" throughout life. The tone of your posts now compared to two days ago seems a bit more hopeful.
Regardless of whether or not something is my fault, if it feels unbearable, even in the moment, I pull out the suicide card. It's really, really hard.
On the weekend my therapist made me throw out one of my most treasured belongings - something I would use to take my life. When I told this to someone else, she said that the fact he convinced me to do that was huge progress for me (it was my previous therapist that said that, and she tried for a very long time to get me to do the same, without success). It doesn't feel like it, but I guess it's perspective.
I have trouble seeing the small things that spark improvement. I'm always looking for the big moments, complete with fireworks and festivities. The reality is, growth doesn't always happen like that, and it's usually best when it doesn't. I've made progess in the past couple months - I'm on meds and taking them reliably every day, I threw out my item, I'm in therapy, I'm making a sincere effort. Those are all signs of "better" I suppose, given that it's more than I was doing six months ago.
On the weekend my therapist made me throw out one of my most treasured belongings - something I would use to take my life. When I told this to someone else, she said that the fact he convinced me to do that was huge progress for me (it was my previous therapist that said that, and she tried for a very long time to get me to do the same, without success). It doesn't feel like it, but I guess it's perspective.
I have trouble seeing the small things that spark improvement. I'm always looking for the big moments, complete with fireworks and festivities. The reality is, growth doesn't always happen like that, and it's usually best when it doesn't. I've made progess in the past couple months - I'm on meds and taking them reliably every day, I threw out my item, I'm in therapy, I'm making a sincere effort. Those are all signs of "better" I suppose, given that it's more than I was doing six months ago.
David Baxter PhD
Late Founder
The reality is that growth almost NEVER happens like that.
Hi Turtle.
"Itty, bitty, baby steps" When I was first diagnosed, my GP would always remind me of this. Also she would frequently review the progress I have been making and still does.
My Psychiatrist also contributes to assuring me that I am doing good, all things considered.
It is hard sometimes to "see for forest for the trees" especially during my blah times, but when I take the time and really think about how I am doing. I see the coping skills my doctors have helped me to apply, I see that I have been able to find simple happiness where there was none before.
When I consider all the obstacles be it tramas, relapses etc I have faced, that is when I stop trying to further beat myself up thinking I am "weak".
Turtle, in the past few months, I personally have seen a difference in you :support:
You are reaching out to us, where before you were quite silent. You ask questions, you are looking for solutions, coping skills etc. You started medication.
Please realize, even the difference noticed just what I can see on the forum are big things! You have done great, I think.
Always remember that usually the most difficult part of healing, is starting. When we realize we need assistance, then asking for assistance and it is even harder to except the assitance.
All of these things you have done and are doing. Give yourself a pat on the back Turtle. You have taken the major steps already.
Maybe if your therapist knows you are feeling discouraged, they maybe can have a session to review the positve progress you are making every few months or so?
I find this to be very helpful from my doctors.
All the best Turtle :friends: :support:
"Itty, bitty, baby steps" When I was first diagnosed, my GP would always remind me of this. Also she would frequently review the progress I have been making and still does.
My Psychiatrist also contributes to assuring me that I am doing good, all things considered.
It is hard sometimes to "see for forest for the trees" especially during my blah times, but when I take the time and really think about how I am doing. I see the coping skills my doctors have helped me to apply, I see that I have been able to find simple happiness where there was none before.
When I consider all the obstacles be it tramas, relapses etc I have faced, that is when I stop trying to further beat myself up thinking I am "weak".
Turtle, in the past few months, I personally have seen a difference in you :support:
You are reaching out to us, where before you were quite silent. You ask questions, you are looking for solutions, coping skills etc. You started medication.
Please realize, even the difference noticed just what I can see on the forum are big things! You have done great, I think.
Always remember that usually the most difficult part of healing, is starting. When we realize we need assistance, then asking for assistance and it is even harder to except the assitance.
All of these things you have done and are doing. Give yourself a pat on the back Turtle. You have taken the major steps already.
Maybe if your therapist knows you are feeling discouraged, they maybe can have a session to review the positve progress you are making every few months or so?
I find this to be very helpful from my doctors.
All the best Turtle :friends: :support:
And from the point of view of positive psychology, getting better can mean further developing one's already existing signature strengths:
Okay, I can get behind that. I was finally diagnosed with ADD over a year ago, about 40 years too late to help me when I could have really used some understanding into the whys and wherefores of how my brain worked. Now that I've had time to learn more about it, I've accepted that some of my eccentricities that were once considered negative attributes are actually some of the very things that people like about me now.
Wait -- those are some of the very things that *I* like about me now, too.
Wait -- those are some of the very things that *I* like about me now, too.
coatbridge
Member
Hi Ya All:
I don't have to think much about this one.
1. Being able to get back into the work force.
2. Being able to let things go, not overreact, step back and look at all the possible scenarios objectively.
3. No more mood swings
4. Be able to slow down and not feel like I always have to be doing or going somewhere.
:dance2:
I don't have to think much about this one.
1. Being able to get back into the work force.
2. Being able to let things go, not overreact, step back and look at all the possible scenarios objectively.
3. No more mood swings
4. Be able to slow down and not feel like I always have to be doing or going somewhere.
:dance2:
Last edited by a moderator:
This is a conscious effort, started for the wrong reasons, but I'm actually finding it helpful and so I continue. I am very introverted in nature, probably in large part due to a lack of self-confidence. I have to be extroverted for my job, but it is not something that comes naturally to me, either in person or online.
He's very in tune with what goes on with me, and does remind me of areas I've made progress. I've also started some CBT work, which is good at keeping things in perspective for me.
I understand I am not a natural extrovert either. One thing I am extroverted about though, is through humor. So I often find that is the best way for me to break out of my "shell" (for lack of a better word) even if a little bit and within my comfort level.
The more we do things, like even as you are here. Even if it is a conscientious effort, the more we do it, the more natual it comes to us. The more comfortable we feel and realize that we are not being judged.
Once we become less self conscientous about ourselves, the more comfortable in our own skin we start to feel. This I have found.
I then start to see others except me and it allows me to start excepting myself too.
Sorry, if I am not making much sense :blush:
I am happy to hear that your doctor is in tune with what is going on. Cause as I have gone along with my doctors, that re assurance has been so valuable.
forgetmenot
MVP
GEtting better to me would be having a real relationship with my husband
I would have all kinds of energy like i used to to go camping hiking
I would be able to function all the time like i do at work clear minded no confusion.
Getting better would be finally just letting go of the pain and move forward instead of going in circles all the time.
I would be able to finally let go of the ties that hold me to my twin and daughter.
I would face the loss of my brother and deal with allowing closure to happen
I would have all kinds of energy like i used to to go camping hiking
I would be able to function all the time like i do at work clear minded no confusion.
Getting better would be finally just letting go of the pain and move forward instead of going in circles all the time.
I would be able to finally let go of the ties that hold me to my twin and daughter.
I would face the loss of my brother and deal with allowing closure to happen
Into The Light
MVP
looking back, for me getting better has meant a gradual increase in good days. a reduction in the pain i felt due to my depression. an increase in positive and neutral feelings. improved relationships with those i love. wanting to participate in social activities again instead of wanting to withdraw and hide. socializing no longer being a herculean effort. wanting to develop friendships. gaining self-love. being able to laugh and have fun again. being able to see the good in life again.
i still have days or maybe weeks at times where things are hard. but not due to depression, instead, due to some work i still have left to do in therapy. but i seem to be bouncing back from setbacks relatively easily, and hope returns to me much more often and more quickly. when i started therapy for depression there was no hope at all.
being well also means that i don't have to fight my way out of bed in the mornings, i don't have to fight to get the most simple tasks done anymore. i can just get on with my day with minimal effort. it is such a godsend to be able to do all those things again.
i also think, turtle, that this thread is proof that you are on that journey to being well. you're still unsure, you still don't know where all this will lead, you don't know what "better" is, or if you even want that. i recognize those thoughts and feelings from my own journey, maybe with the difference that i knew there was such a thing as better, but i'd forgotten what that actually felt like. i remember after each depression feeling like myself again, and thinking with surprise, "there i am! i'm back! i've missed me!"
becoming better is scary, because it's unknown. i know i was scared. i've had moments of wanting to stop because i didn't know what was coming. despite that i kept at it though, and that's what you need to do. when you become well, you will see how worth it it is.
i still have my days where i wonder, when something sets me back, and it hurts and is hard, but then somehow i get through it, and i get to my better place again, and then am so thankful for it. i still need to get used to life having its ups and downs, the downs suck, but i have so many ups to counter them now. i'm not stuck in down anymore.
keep at it turtle. you're doing all the right things, even if you're not sure why or if it's going to be of any use. it is, it's just hard to see right now. you're doing great :goodjob:
i still have days or maybe weeks at times where things are hard. but not due to depression, instead, due to some work i still have left to do in therapy. but i seem to be bouncing back from setbacks relatively easily, and hope returns to me much more often and more quickly. when i started therapy for depression there was no hope at all.
being well also means that i don't have to fight my way out of bed in the mornings, i don't have to fight to get the most simple tasks done anymore. i can just get on with my day with minimal effort. it is such a godsend to be able to do all those things again.
i also think, turtle, that this thread is proof that you are on that journey to being well. you're still unsure, you still don't know where all this will lead, you don't know what "better" is, or if you even want that. i recognize those thoughts and feelings from my own journey, maybe with the difference that i knew there was such a thing as better, but i'd forgotten what that actually felt like. i remember after each depression feeling like myself again, and thinking with surprise, "there i am! i'm back! i've missed me!"
becoming better is scary, because it's unknown. i know i was scared. i've had moments of wanting to stop because i didn't know what was coming. despite that i kept at it though, and that's what you need to do. when you become well, you will see how worth it it is.
i still have my days where i wonder, when something sets me back, and it hurts and is hard, but then somehow i get through it, and i get to my better place again, and then am so thankful for it. i still need to get used to life having its ups and downs, the downs suck, but i have so many ups to counter them now. i'm not stuck in down anymore.
keep at it turtle. you're doing all the right things, even if you're not sure why or if it's going to be of any use. it is, it's just hard to see right now. you're doing great :goodjob:
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