What is too much?

[boi]

Hello,
I know Ive been gone for a while. too many visitors and no private time. Hope everyone is doing well. I am struggling over something. I feel like I am not accepting my partner for who he is. Apparently, I am too demanding and pushy. My partner says he listens and I say he doesnt. Where do you meet middle ground. I mean he thinks I am being too demanding and he is giving what he can. How do I know if I am being irrational. Maybe I am being demanding and pushy. I cant tell.

 

[texasgirl]

Hi BOI,

It is good to have you back. What I find interesting about your post is that it seems like there is the proverbial "lack of communication" going on - where neither of you seems to agree with the other's needs not being met. Not sure if the situation warrants it, but have yall considered joint counseling? Also, it always helps me to try to remember to say things like "I know that you think that you are doing _____, but it doesn't feel that way to me" to my husband when something is not right. That way it's not sounding like I'm accusing him - because when I do say "You are not being/doing _______" he gets defensive (as I do) and he just shuts down.

Just a thought.

Take care,

TG

 

[boi]

hi texas girl,
You are definetly right about lack of communication. I know that the way I approach things cause my partner to shut down as you said. Counselling is a good idea. Maybe we need it at least to brush up on our communication skills. It is definetly something to think about. Your suggestion on how to say things "Also, it always helps me to try to remember to say things like "I know that you think that you are doing _____, but it doesn't feel that way to me"
thanks for that...I definetly need skills on how to approach things better.

 

[Halo]

Boi,

Although I am not in an intimate relationship at the moment, I know for me when dealing with anyone in my life and I want to communicate with them and not have them shut down on me or get defensive, I always try to start my sentences with "I". That way I am not coming off in an accusatory tone to the person.

I also think that joint counselling to improve the way you two communicate may be of help as well.

Take care and glad to see you again