Here is my background.
I am 23 right now. At 15 I was in a car accident with my father that gave me a concussion and knocked me out for several hours. I joined the military in 2001. In November 2002 I heard from my father that my close uncle had shot and killed himself when he was being confronted by law enforcement. In Feb 2003 I had my first suicide attempt via overdose. I was sent to a mental health ward in the military hospital for 5 days and released. 2 months later I tried again but this time by cuting my wrists. After that attempt my commanding officer recommended that I be seperated from the military. In July 2004 I received an Honorable Discharge under a Personality Disorder. I received a 30% Disability fron the VA for a Major Depressive Disorder after a few months of civilian life after I tried to kill myself again.
From the time when I left the military to now I still have major depression and dont have any social life, no steady job (been fired from 3 and quit 2 others), tried doing college but cant concentrate and memorize anything so I failed out of 2 classes and withdrew out of the other 4 in a two term period.
The scary party that I need someone's help with is for a little over a year now I have had the thoughts of what it would be like to take the life of my parents and other people. How would it make me feel. Would I feel any remorse. They keep getting stronger and stronger to the point where I feel that I will act on these emotions and thoughts very soon.
Why would I want to hurt my parents just to see how it felt like. I know that cant be normal. I have tried several mental health hospitals but they never worked so far. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? What is the cause and how to I get it under control before I follow through?
Thank you for any help.
I am 23 right now. At 15 I was in a car accident with my father that gave me a concussion and knocked me out for several hours. I joined the military in 2001. In November 2002 I heard from my father that my close uncle had shot and killed himself when he was being confronted by law enforcement. In Feb 2003 I had my first suicide attempt via overdose. I was sent to a mental health ward in the military hospital for 5 days and released. 2 months later I tried again but this time by cuting my wrists. After that attempt my commanding officer recommended that I be seperated from the military. In July 2004 I received an Honorable Discharge under a Personality Disorder. I received a 30% Disability fron the VA for a Major Depressive Disorder after a few months of civilian life after I tried to kill myself again.
From the time when I left the military to now I still have major depression and dont have any social life, no steady job (been fired from 3 and quit 2 others), tried doing college but cant concentrate and memorize anything so I failed out of 2 classes and withdrew out of the other 4 in a two term period.
The scary party that I need someone's help with is for a little over a year now I have had the thoughts of what it would be like to take the life of my parents and other people. How would it make me feel. Would I feel any remorse. They keep getting stronger and stronger to the point where I feel that I will act on these emotions and thoughts very soon.
Why would I want to hurt my parents just to see how it felt like. I know that cant be normal. I have tried several mental health hospitals but they never worked so far. Has anyone experienced anything like this before? What is the cause and how to I get it under control before I follow through?
Thank you for any help.