What makes internet relationships so desirable?

[David Baxter PhD]

What Makes Internet Relationships So Desirable?
by Paula Host

People are drawn to cyber-romances for the same reasons they are drawn to face-to-face romances - either they don't have a "real-life" love relationship, or there is something missing in their "real-life" love relationship. On the internet, they may indeed find what they are missing. Or, because of the partial anonymity of cyberspace - which allows lots of room for fantasy and imagination - they may only THINK they have found what they are missing.

The "exotic" and/or "magical" quality of a cyber-romances might be one factor that attracts some people. The lover's presence enters your home (or office) without the person physically being there, which feels very magical. People also enjoy the secrecy that an internet romance provides. An internet romance can be carried out from home or office without the knowledge of others around us.

It's well known that people say and do things in cyberspace that they wouldn't ordinarily say or do in the face-to-face world.

They loosen up, feel more uninhibited, express themselves more openly. Researchers call this the "disinhibition effect." When people have the opportunity to separate their actions from their real world and identity, they feel less vulnerable about opening up. Whatever they say or do can't be directly linked to the rest of their lives. They don't have to own their behavior by acknowledging it within the full context of who they "really" are. When acting out hostile feelings, the person doesn't have to take responsibility for those actions. In fact, people might even convince themselves that those behaviors "aren't me at all." In psychology this is called "dissociation."

The Problems

• Online relationships can happen incredibly fast.
• When involved online with someone, you don't experience the negative body language or warning signals that may occur when you meet face to face.
• You are taking the other person's word on trust - while he or she may be romancing four or five others with the same lines that you find appealing.
• You may be giving a false impression of yourself due to disinhibition.[/list:u]

 

[Ash]

My belief is that online relationships are so popular because one gets to know the person without the physical "getting in the way". One might be more prone to "choose" someone based on their personality instead of what they look like.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

That could be the up-side... the down-side is that you "choose" a person based on what you think is their personality and that may not always be accurate.

 

[Ash]

Oh yes. There is always that concern. I must admit that though most of the people I have met are truly wonderful people, it's very hard to determine when you're not face-to-face. One reason I worry about children so much!

 

[Kanadiana]

Oh yes. There is always that concern. I must admit that though most of the people I have met are truly wonderful people, it's very hard to determine when you're not face-to-face. One reason I worry about children so much!

Hi Ash

I agree that MOST people are genuine and wonderful, and "just people". I do worry about kids most especially. I also worry about any vulnerable needy person a lot.

I think a lot depends also on the type of site you meet each other on too. Some are just "riskier" than others. Dating sites, I feel, are extremely risky, although many genuine and sincere people join. But a lot of people are also searching for a sort of "prey". So tough to size people up, truly, enough to be SURE that a meeting or a call is wise or dangerous. Online ... much easier to decieve and lead people on. Sad.

Extreme caution is always good I think.

I like special interest forums, like communities, like military history (researching family) geneology, etc. Hobbies and interests sites,I think, are safer. People aren't usually in them to look for a date or partner and tend to present themselves as is. Usually People "bond" online and start to care. The support sites can really get personal and attached.

I've met a couple of people from online ... great experience because it was from a regimental museum.
great people. What an education. too.

Must go... take care

 

[Ash]

I also want to point out that "dating" on the net can be good because you end up attracted to the person and not necessarily the looks. When you meet someone in person, you (mostly) decide then and there whether or not you want to continue talking to that person or possibly date them. This can be a bad thing because you're not really giving that person a chance and you could be cheating yourself out of something good.

 

[stargazer]

The thing I've noticed about online friendships of any sort (romantic or otherwise) is that they tend to take place so rapidly. Real-life friendships tend to take more time, and they develop more naturally and solidly, or else not at all. The online relationship is likely to fall apart as quickly as it begins. For me, an online friendship is most likely to succeed when the initial impulse to "tell all and desire all" is resisted or overlooked.

 

[stargazer]

The thing I've noticed about online friendships of any sort (romantic or otherwise) is that they tend to take place so rapidly. Real-life friendships tend to take more time, and they develop more naturally and solidly, or else not at all. The online relationship is likely to fall apart as quickly as it begins. For me, an online friendship is most likely to succeed when the initial impulse to "tell all and desire all" is resisted or overlooked.

 

[AlmostMe]

I agree with you stargazer, online friendships are more intense than face to face friendships.

There are many positives but with that are the negatives. I've had some wonderful friendships online, all have been good experiences so far. I seem to have a "gut" instinct that kicks in, just like in RL, you just know when that person isn't who they say they are...

 

[AlmostMe]

I agree with you stargazer, online friendships are more intense than face to face friendships.

There are many positives but with that are the negatives. I've had some wonderful friendships online, all have been good experiences so far. I seem to have a "gut" instinct that kicks in, just like in RL, you just know when that person isn't who they say they are...