I have had this condition for years, although only ever been told I suffer from depression. We left the UK about 4 years go and now live in a country which takes a very antiquated view of such conditions still calls these type of things insane and alike. All they do is heavy drugs and stuff people in a crazy house.
So I am very reluctant to open my mouth as to my plight. My wife has quite a hard time with me, as I can often shout at her, as she does not understand my advanced thought process and how I connect the dots between things. And when I am on a roll she and the rest of the world appear to me to be a bunch thick idiots who know nothing. When I am down I just want to cry, I don’t know why often, or even wishing I was dead, as I hate this world so much, I cannot connect to it, it’s contradictory, cruel, and deceitful, which I hate. I often find I just cannot function within it.
So, this is why we live in the middle of nowhere or at least minimal people, with my dogs the only good constant thing in my life. I have had more jobs than I can remember when I lived in the UK, all of which became boring and irritating to me. I constantly feel persecuted, and ridiculed by other as I see life very differently from them. All this seems to do is confirm my paranoia and derogatory opinions of most of humanity. I have not been on drugs now since we moved here, but in all honesty there are times I could do a good course of (out of it) type meds. I have even thought of moving back to the UK, in order to get the drugs I need, but I honestly could not take the stress of it all.
So I am very reluctant to open my mouth as to my plight. My wife has quite a hard time with me, as I can often shout at her, as she does not understand my advanced thought process and how I connect the dots between things. And when I am on a roll she and the rest of the world appear to me to be a bunch thick idiots who know nothing. When I am down I just want to cry, I don’t know why often, or even wishing I was dead, as I hate this world so much, I cannot connect to it, it’s contradictory, cruel, and deceitful, which I hate. I often find I just cannot function within it.
So, this is why we live in the middle of nowhere or at least minimal people, with my dogs the only good constant thing in my life. I have had more jobs than I can remember when I lived in the UK, all of which became boring and irritating to me. I constantly feel persecuted, and ridiculed by other as I see life very differently from them. All this seems to do is confirm my paranoia and derogatory opinions of most of humanity. I have not been on drugs now since we moved here, but in all honesty there are times I could do a good course of (out of it) type meds. I have even thought of moving back to the UK, in order to get the drugs I need, but I honestly could not take the stress of it all.
