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What's Your Parenting Style
My Health Alberta
Jan 26, 2014
Your personal style is reflected in the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, even the way you talk. Your parenting style is reflected in everything you do in raising your child.
In many parenting resources, three main styles of parenting have been described:
In her book, "Kids are worth it! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline", parenting consultant Barbara Coloroso describes them as brick wall, jellyfish, and backbone parenting styles.
Authoritarian (brick wall)
Like a brick wall, an authoritarian parent imposes a strict and rigid structure, with rules for every aspect of family life. The authoritarian parent makes all family decisions and what the parent thinks is all that matters. They exercise complete control, enforcing it with fear and punishment. Children have little or no participation or choice and tend to be obedient without question (even when it could harm them), fearful, or rebellious. Children of this family style are taught what to think.
Permissive (jellyfish)
Many children raised by authoritarian parents grow up to be permissive or jellyfish parents. They know they didn't like how they were raised, and that they don't want to do the same thing with their children, but they may not know what to do instead. Like a jellyfish, the structure of this family is shapeless. The parents may be indifferent (don't care what their children do) or permissive (let their children do whatever they want). Jellyfish parents generally have trouble setting limits or rules and children from these families have difficulty learning respect or responsibility. Children in these families are taught not to think.
Authoritative (backbone)
Much like a backbone that allows the body to be strong, yet able to bend, the authoratative or democratic parent gives a family structure with flexibility.
Democratic parents have clear and realistic expectations of their children. Rules are set about things that matter most - safety, responsibility and treating people and property with respect. Limits are clearly defined and kindly, but firmly, enforced.
Children are taught to respect by being respected. Their opinions and choices are considered. Mistakes are seen as a chance to learn and discipline is used for teaching, not for punishing. Children in these families are taught how to think.
Sometimes parents swing back and forth - sometimes being too permissive and sometimes too strict. This is the worst situation for children because it's so unpredictable. Children never know what to expect, so they are always on guard.
The consistency, fairness, and respect of the authoritative or democratic style are the elements most likely to create a home in which children can thrive.
What You Can Do: Knowing Your Parenting Style
Read the descriptions above. What's your style? You may find you are closer to one style or another, especially when you are stressed. Are there things you would like to change about your parenting style?
What is your partner's parenting style? How can you both become more consistent?
Learn more - parenting programs are for everyone. Call 211 or Health Link Alberta for information on programs in your community.
Parenting Styles
Middlesex Health Unit
March 4, 2013
Parents’ lives change when a child is born. Parenting is challenging work—full of ups and downs. There are many ideas and opinions on how to be a “good parent”. Parents often receive advice and guidance on how to parent from their own parents, experts or friends. So how do we know what is right when not all sources agree?
Parenting styles impact children. There is no single right way to be a parent. It is up to you to develop your own approach to parenting.1 Generally there are thought to be three parenting styles. You may find, however, you have a combination of two or three styles at times. It is your overall parenting style and approach that counts, as you influence, teach and socialize your children.2 Check out your parenting style.
Strict Parenting Style
Results
Children with strict/authoritarian parents usually:
Permissive Parenting Style
Results
Children with permissive parents usually:
Balanced Parenting Style
Results
Children with balanced parents usually:
Why does balanced parenting work?
Studies show that children and teens raised by balanced parents:
References
1Sanders, M. R., & Turner, K. M. T. (2005). Facilitator's manual for selected triple p. Brisbane, Australia: Triple P international Pty. Ltd.
2Information adapted from Be a Great Parent with permission from the Regional Municipality of Niagara Retrieved from
Being a Parent is a Full Time Job - Parenting - Niagara Region, Ontario
3Popkin, M. (2005). Active parenting now in 3: Your guide to a great family. Atlanta, Georgia: Active Parenting Publishers, Inc.
My Health Alberta
Jan 26, 2014
Your personal style is reflected in the clothes you wear, the music you listen to, even the way you talk. Your parenting style is reflected in everything you do in raising your child.
In many parenting resources, three main styles of parenting have been described:
- authoritarian
- permissive (and/or indifferent)
- authoritative (democratic)
In her book, "Kids are worth it! Giving Your Child the Gift of Inner Discipline", parenting consultant Barbara Coloroso describes them as brick wall, jellyfish, and backbone parenting styles.
Authoritarian (brick wall)
Like a brick wall, an authoritarian parent imposes a strict and rigid structure, with rules for every aspect of family life. The authoritarian parent makes all family decisions and what the parent thinks is all that matters. They exercise complete control, enforcing it with fear and punishment. Children have little or no participation or choice and tend to be obedient without question (even when it could harm them), fearful, or rebellious. Children of this family style are taught what to think.
Permissive (jellyfish)
Many children raised by authoritarian parents grow up to be permissive or jellyfish parents. They know they didn't like how they were raised, and that they don't want to do the same thing with their children, but they may not know what to do instead. Like a jellyfish, the structure of this family is shapeless. The parents may be indifferent (don't care what their children do) or permissive (let their children do whatever they want). Jellyfish parents generally have trouble setting limits or rules and children from these families have difficulty learning respect or responsibility. Children in these families are taught not to think.
Authoritative (backbone)
Much like a backbone that allows the body to be strong, yet able to bend, the authoratative or democratic parent gives a family structure with flexibility.
Democratic parents have clear and realistic expectations of their children. Rules are set about things that matter most - safety, responsibility and treating people and property with respect. Limits are clearly defined and kindly, but firmly, enforced.
Children are taught to respect by being respected. Their opinions and choices are considered. Mistakes are seen as a chance to learn and discipline is used for teaching, not for punishing. Children in these families are taught how to think.
Sometimes parents swing back and forth - sometimes being too permissive and sometimes too strict. This is the worst situation for children because it's so unpredictable. Children never know what to expect, so they are always on guard.
The consistency, fairness, and respect of the authoritative or democratic style are the elements most likely to create a home in which children can thrive.
What You Can Do: Knowing Your Parenting Style
Read the descriptions above. What's your style? You may find you are closer to one style or another, especially when you are stressed. Are there things you would like to change about your parenting style?
What is your partner's parenting style? How can you both become more consistent?
Learn more - parenting programs are for everyone. Call 211 or Health Link Alberta for information on programs in your community.
Parenting Styles
Middlesex Health Unit
March 4, 2013
Parents’ lives change when a child is born. Parenting is challenging work—full of ups and downs. There are many ideas and opinions on how to be a “good parent”. Parents often receive advice and guidance on how to parent from their own parents, experts or friends. So how do we know what is right when not all sources agree?
Parenting styles impact children. There is no single right way to be a parent. It is up to you to develop your own approach to parenting.1 Generally there are thought to be three parenting styles. You may find, however, you have a combination of two or three styles at times. It is your overall parenting style and approach that counts, as you influence, teach and socialize your children.2 Check out your parenting style.
Strict Parenting Style
- Are highly controlling
- Are not responsive to a child’s feelings
- Set strict rules to try to keep order
- Expect orders to be obeyed
- Do not encourage choices or options
- Have low levels of sensitivity
- Expect children to agree with their decision2
Results
Children with strict/authoritarian parents usually:
- Do not learn to think for themselves
- Look to others to decide what’s right
- Rarely take initiative
- Lack spontaneity and curiosity
Permissive Parenting Style
- Accepting and warm but give up most control to their children
- Do not set limits
- Allow children to set their own rules, schedules and activities
- Do not want to be tied down to routines
- Tend to accept the behaviour of the child, good or bad, whether it is beneficial or not2
Results
Children with permissive parents usually:
- Are immature
- Cannot control their impulses
- Do not accept the responsibility for their own actions
- Blames someone else if they get in trouble
Balanced Parenting Style
- Give children lots of practice in making choices
- Explain why rules are important and why they must be followed
- Consider children’s point of view even though they might not always agree
- Handle misbehaviour in a firm, yet kind, warm and loving way
- Encourage children to be independent
- Often catch children doing positive behaviours rather than focusing on misbehaviours
Results
Children with balanced parents usually:
- Have higher self esteem
- Are independent
- Learn to accept responsibility
- Make wiser choices
- Cope with change
- Are better equipped to succeed in a work-force
Why does balanced parenting work?
- The warmth, love and involvement of the parent encourages the child/teen to be more open to the parent’s influence
- By providing limits and consequences, the child/teen has greater ability to control his behaviour and make good decisions
- The open, two-way communication between parent and child helps your child/teen develop the thinking and social skills needed to succeed outside the family
Studies show that children and teens raised by balanced parents:
- Do better in school
- Report less depression and anxiety
- Have higher self-esteem
- Are less likely to engage in risky problem behaviours, including drug and alcohol use or sex or violence2
References
1Sanders, M. R., & Turner, K. M. T. (2005). Facilitator's manual for selected triple p. Brisbane, Australia: Triple P international Pty. Ltd.
2Information adapted from Be a Great Parent with permission from the Regional Municipality of Niagara Retrieved from
Being a Parent is a Full Time Job - Parenting - Niagara Region, Ontario
3Popkin, M. (2005). Active parenting now in 3: Your guide to a great family. Atlanta, Georgia: Active Parenting Publishers, Inc.
