More threads by mdog

mdog

Member
I have never had one girl find me attractive and I am almost 20, is it because I am not easily muscular like my friends or what is it? I dont know where else to turn so if anyone could help I would appriciate it :(
 

Daniel E.

daniel@psychlinks.ca
Administrator
Do you talk to them? That's one way for them to notice you :) Befriending women with an emphasis on potential friendship rather than potential dating may help put some of the pressure off (while at the same time helping you gain more female friends).
 

mdog

Member
My problem is I get stuck in the "friend zone" while they go all happy over my friend who gets abs by eating McDonalds
 

Andy

MVP
Hi mdog Welcome!

I think all women have different tastes in different guys. Maybe you just have not come across that woman yet. I know that's a lame answer but it is true. I know people that didn't really find anyone until there late 20's, one is now completely happy with a really great girl.

Do you want to be muscular? Is it something you could start to do? Being muscular doesn't make the man so if it's not something you want then, not to worry not all females like muscles. Are you getting yourself out around different types of people? Maybe find something your interested in and join a group of the same interest?

I am sorry if that wasn't much help.
 

Daniel E.

daniel@psychlinks.ca
Administrator
mdog said:
My problem is I get stuck in the "friend zone" while they go all happy over my friend who gets abs by eating McDonalds
To add to what STP is saying, female friends may help recommend someone they think is your type. So being in the "Friend Zone" is good for dating a friend-of-a-friend (which happens often).
 

Retired

Member
Contrary to what modern pop culture would have us believe, thankfully, most relationships are rarely based on extraordinary physicial attributes. Relationships are based on honesty, character and personality.

As has been said by others, the key to finding a compatible person for a relationship is to associate with people with interests similar to yours. If you like swimming, join a health club that has a pool; if you are interested in art, join your local museum, but get yourself into a situation where there are plenty of other people sharing your interest. Join in conversations with participants and ask plenty of questions to learn more about your area of interest. Participating in conversations is the one best strategy to meet people, learn about who they are and to showcase yourself.

Does your community offer special interest groups that might appeal to you?
 

Daniel E.

daniel@psychlinks.ca
Administrator
And, according to an article posted by TSOW, what women find physically attractive in men is more subjective than one may think:

Some women gave high attractiveness ratings to the men other women said were not attractive at all.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/gender-d...8268-attractiveness-men-agree-women-dont.html
This is compatible with the traditional, GQ view that "clothes make the man" :) (Of course, that's just as overrated and simplistic as anything else.)

What isn't as overrated is that men who are more confident do better in attracting people, at least since one needs a healthy dose of self-esteem to seek out situations where one may be rejected. So some guys may use muscularity (and other macho notions) as a crutch for feeling confident.

Personally, I like Albert Ellis' advice for meeting and dating people, e.g.

There must be some human beings who like me as I am. Let's see if this is one of those human beings.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/self-esteem-and-self-concept/13469-am-i-a-repressed-guy.html
BTW:
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/general-...5-how-to-stop-comparing-myself-to-others.html
http://forum.psychlinks.ca/psycholo...umped-but-not-down-coping-with-rejection.html
 

wren

Member
I have to agree with many of the posters here. I've always said how it seems that, and this is a generalization, for the girls I've known, it seems there's a wider variety of what's considered attractive. Some girls I've known have gone for the heavily tatooed, beefy guys almost exclusively, while others have gone for more waifish, boyish types, or others have gone for guys with glasses exclusively because they look intelligent, while others have wanted the farthest thing from a guy who looks like he reads. Then there's all of the grey area in between. For many, if a guy has a really interesting or kind personality, the girl will find he starts to look more attractive as well, regardless of his physical type.

That said, I think being well groomed is important. But it's mostly about making the best of what you have. Ie. looking like you haven't bathed or don't really pay much attention ever to how you look can be a turnoff, but there are very few who truly fall into that category.

I would say it's largely about confidence, although that doesn't mean cockiness like some advice gurus would espouse. Just the attitude that you're likeable and that you deserve your spot in the world as much as anyone else. A bit of shyness can be adorable too, if it doesn't seem angry.

Saying all of that, I will ask this: when you say "why don't girls ever like me" are you casting a wider net in what you consider "girls" to include as well? IE. by girls do you only mean the conventionally attractive ones? Because if so, they're going for abs for the same reasons you're going for their physical attributes, and if that strikes you as unfair or shallow, maybe you could work on considering other types of girls yourself.

What others said here, I will agree with. Attractiveness really is quite subjective sometimes. Take heed in knowing that you're probably someone's ideal in one way or another.
 
I also have problems due to my body image. But, in my case, the muscles are definitely there.

I can also tell you that women have different tastes. For instance, I have a really good friend who hates guys with muscles and really likes the skinny, geeky type of guys. She is already married and she is really a special person.
 
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