Why New Years Resolutions are Stupid
By Craig Harper
Yep, it's that time of the year again.
The time when we all tell ourselves (and everyone within earshot) just how dramatically our life is about to change. Of course it is. Of course we do. Just like we did the last twenty New Year's eves. And didn't all those resolutions work out well for us? Many of us are champion resolution makers. Beyond that, not so good. The making, good. The doing, not so good. If you're like the vast majority, then right now you're about three days into your new life.
How's that workin' out?
Sure, we would have made those necessary changes earlier than now, but we all know that you can't do it in October or November, and don't even talk to me about December; that would be simply ridiculous. January is the official 'start-time' for change. Apparently. Yep, richer, thinner, happier, more relaxed, more balanced, healthier; different. It's all about to happen. For a week at least. This year, we may even stretch it to two.
Of course you don't need to be a research scientist to know that the vast majority of New Year's resolutions ultimately amount to nothing. Nothing positive anyway. But we continue with the stupid tradition nonetheless. Just watch your friends, family and colleagues over the next few days, weeks and months. Then again, probably just days and weeks. And take a peek at your past while you're at it. Unless you're the exception, there's been lots of talk, lots of great intentions and lots of amazing ideas over the years, but very little in the way of lasting change. If we're completely honest; probably a bunch of hot air and very little results. Moments of greatness but overall, kinda disappointing.
"Yep, this is my year".
"No, really".
"Hey, stop laughing".
You know it, we all know it, we've all done it.
As a collective of people, we continue to do the same thing every year; make a bunch of promises to ourselves that we never keep. We get excited for about eight minutes and then we fall back into our old ways. It's what we do. It's not so much life-long change, as it is a momentary phase. Short term behavioural change.
Kind of like flatulence; comes and goes and makes us feel better for a moment.
And sometimes embarrassed. But I digress. Again. Even in 2008 I'm doing it.
Yet despite our abysmal track record and a vast wasteland of shattered dreams, we continue to approach every New Year the same way; with the same dumb, pointless strategy. They say that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome", so I guess on some level, a whole bunch of us are insane because that's exactly what we do. Like a broken record stuck in the same groove, repeating the same line over and over.
I apologise if I sound like the voice of gloom to this point in the lesson, but my intention is in fact to be the voice of reality, logic, honesty and life-long change; to tell you the no BS truth about this stuff. Twenty five years of watching and working with people in the area of 'change' has taught me that sometimes, what we need to hear, is not what we want to hear. And if we're really serious about the 'different forever' thing, then we need to learn that the New Year is not the right time for making resolutions. In fact, the right time has nothing to do with a date on a calendar and everything to do with us as individuals; our level of emotional, psychological and physical commitment to achieve our goals. Our readiness for the journey.
If we're genuinely prepared to do whatever it takes (that is, we are totally committed), then it's the right time. Whether it's January 1 or March 16 makes absolutely no difference. What determines success or failure is not what date we start something, but whether or not we have the mindset, the emotional toughness and the self-control to get the job done. Sadly, we live in a culture which teaches that new beginnings start on January 1. And we continue to perpetuate this stupid psychology despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Whatever you do, don't let logic or common sense get in the way.
As you know by now, I'm not interested in making you feel good for five minutes. But I am interested in helping you achieve something that's probably eluded you for too long; permanent results. Your best life. Or at the very least, a better life. Neither am I interested in resolutions that are made in the midst of food, alcohol, emotion and crowds. They are likely to create short-term change at best. No, I'm interested in sensible, proven methods which are most likely to create 'forever' results. I'm interested in, and passionate about you maximising your chances of success, because the 'traditional approach' (for want of a better term) to creating change (ritual goal-setting at New Year), ain't cuttin' it. New Year's resolutions rarely lead to anything other than short-term change. That's a fact Jack.
So how do we make it stick this time?
1. Ya gotta do different to create different. Whatever you did last time (remember last year?), don't do that. Whatever it was, it didn't work right? So don't do it again. There's a reason you didn't get there last time. What is it? Address it. Not rocket science is it? Too many people consistently do what doesn't work because they are creatures of habit. Unproductive habit. They love familiarity, no matter how pointless it is.
2. Punch yourself in the head. Hurts doesn't it? Get used to a little pain. Give yourself an uppercut each morning. If you're pretty, make it a rip in the guts instead; don't wanna damage those looks. If you want to totally avoid pain, discomfort and risk, then don't set goals, don't have any ambition and learn to be happy where you are. Forever. Significant change is often uncomfortable and messy, so toughen up. Get your head around that concept and you will dramatically improve your chances of getting where you wanna go. The results are worth it but the journey might be a little bumpy from time to time. You want spectacular results? Then saddle up cowgirl. Er, boy. Whatever.
3. Don't make resolutions after you've had three hundred beers.
"But Craig, it made so much sense at the time". Yes, we might be less inhibited when we're drunk but we're also less intelligent. Anecdotal evidence would suggest that inebriation is not the greatest platform from which to plan the rest of your life.
4. Don't start planning the 'new you' thirty minutes before the New Year ticks over. Probably not gonna make the best decisions from there. May wanna give your 'best life' a little more thought than that (call me old-fashioned). Goal setting, planning and preparation for life-long change can be a process which takes weeks or months.
5. Don't start something you probably won't or can't maintain. "Right, that's it; I'm running every day from, now on". Hey Champ, why don't you start with two or three days per week? "That's it, I'm never eating junk food again". Well, nice intention but you probably won't maintain that commitment for the next fifty years! Maybe ease into it a little. Too many of us simply start things which are virtually impossible to maintain over the long haul. It's not about the next four weeks; it's about the next four decades (or so). Extreme never works. Be completely realistic in your approach. More logic, less emotion. Emotion is good, but only to a point. It needs to be wrapped around some logic. Emotion all on it's own has a propensity to be somewhat destructive. Kind of like a Ferrari; can be amazing, but needs to be driven properly.
6. Don't try and change too many things at once. Too many people fail because they try to 'undo' decades of destructive behaviour in three weeks. Ain't gonna happen. Make it a sensible, practical, progressive process. When I mentor people, we aim to make one or two lasting changes per week, not seventy five. Trying to change too much too quickly will typically lead to one thing; disappointment. However, in life or death situations (that is, no other choice), we often see people make numerous monumental changes in a relatively short period of time. Pity some of us wait for death to knock on the door before we get serious about changing our destructive habits. Stupid also.
7. Don't make big (egotistical, emotional, stupid) public declarations. They rarely amount to anything good. Resolutions should be well-thought-through commitments (usually made in private after appropriate consideration).
8. Don't throw in the towel every time you stumble. Messing up (breaking a diet for example) is only a failure if you call it that. Messing up is normal. Giving up is pathetic. Get back on that horse and stop your whining and sulking. If you find this language offensive, you're too precious and I'm probably not the right coach for you. Re-read point two. And give yourself that uppercut.
9. Don't make resolutions because it's January. Make resolutions because you're absolutely ready to change. Not pseudo-ready (like the last ten times). Not 'allegedly' ready. Not 'almost' ready. No, R-E-A-D-Y!! And don't let others goal set for you. Don't be pressured into making certain resolutions. The desire for real change needs to come from, and be driven by, you.
10. Have monthly evaluations. A pit stop of sorts. Stop, get out of the car, kick the tyres, put it up on the hoist and check that everything is working and progressing as it should. If it ain't broken just keep driving. If you're veering to the left or something's rattling, make the necessary adjustments, get back in and keep heading towards your destination. If need be, see your mechanic (mentor, coach, trainer, ass-kicker), she might be more objective or informed about the state of your 'car' than you are. These pit-stops are great for keeping you accountable and moving in the right direction. For me, they have always been one of the most important ingredients. You want forever results? Then make yourself accountable.
Well there you have it; there is no right time, but there is a right 'state'. Creating lasting change is not about a particular day of the year, it's about whether or not you're ready to stop making resolutions and to start changing. Forever.
If not, there's always next New Years Eve.
By Craig Harper
Yep, it's that time of the year again.
The time when we all tell ourselves (and everyone within earshot) just how dramatically our life is about to change. Of course it is. Of course we do. Just like we did the last twenty New Year's eves. And didn't all those resolutions work out well for us? Many of us are champion resolution makers. Beyond that, not so good. The making, good. The doing, not so good. If you're like the vast majority, then right now you're about three days into your new life.
How's that workin' out?
Sure, we would have made those necessary changes earlier than now, but we all know that you can't do it in October or November, and don't even talk to me about December; that would be simply ridiculous. January is the official 'start-time' for change. Apparently. Yep, richer, thinner, happier, more relaxed, more balanced, healthier; different. It's all about to happen. For a week at least. This year, we may even stretch it to two.
Of course you don't need to be a research scientist to know that the vast majority of New Year's resolutions ultimately amount to nothing. Nothing positive anyway. But we continue with the stupid tradition nonetheless. Just watch your friends, family and colleagues over the next few days, weeks and months. Then again, probably just days and weeks. And take a peek at your past while you're at it. Unless you're the exception, there's been lots of talk, lots of great intentions and lots of amazing ideas over the years, but very little in the way of lasting change. If we're completely honest; probably a bunch of hot air and very little results. Moments of greatness but overall, kinda disappointing.
"Yep, this is my year".
"No, really".
"Hey, stop laughing".
You know it, we all know it, we've all done it.
As a collective of people, we continue to do the same thing every year; make a bunch of promises to ourselves that we never keep. We get excited for about eight minutes and then we fall back into our old ways. It's what we do. It's not so much life-long change, as it is a momentary phase. Short term behavioural change.
Kind of like flatulence; comes and goes and makes us feel better for a moment.
And sometimes embarrassed. But I digress. Again. Even in 2008 I'm doing it.
Yet despite our abysmal track record and a vast wasteland of shattered dreams, we continue to approach every New Year the same way; with the same dumb, pointless strategy. They say that "insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different outcome", so I guess on some level, a whole bunch of us are insane because that's exactly what we do. Like a broken record stuck in the same groove, repeating the same line over and over.
I apologise if I sound like the voice of gloom to this point in the lesson, but my intention is in fact to be the voice of reality, logic, honesty and life-long change; to tell you the no BS truth about this stuff. Twenty five years of watching and working with people in the area of 'change' has taught me that sometimes, what we need to hear, is not what we want to hear. And if we're really serious about the 'different forever' thing, then we need to learn that the New Year is not the right time for making resolutions. In fact, the right time has nothing to do with a date on a calendar and everything to do with us as individuals; our level of emotional, psychological and physical commitment to achieve our goals. Our readiness for the journey.
If we're genuinely prepared to do whatever it takes (that is, we are totally committed), then it's the right time. Whether it's January 1 or March 16 makes absolutely no difference. What determines success or failure is not what date we start something, but whether or not we have the mindset, the emotional toughness and the self-control to get the job done. Sadly, we live in a culture which teaches that new beginnings start on January 1. And we continue to perpetuate this stupid psychology despite overwhelming evidence to the contrary. Whatever you do, don't let logic or common sense get in the way.
As you know by now, I'm not interested in making you feel good for five minutes. But I am interested in helping you achieve something that's probably eluded you for too long; permanent results. Your best life. Or at the very least, a better life. Neither am I interested in resolutions that are made in the midst of food, alcohol, emotion and crowds. They are likely to create short-term change at best. No, I'm interested in sensible, proven methods which are most likely to create 'forever' results. I'm interested in, and passionate about you maximising your chances of success, because the 'traditional approach' (for want of a better term) to creating change (ritual goal-setting at New Year), ain't cuttin' it. New Year's resolutions rarely lead to anything other than short-term change. That's a fact Jack.
So how do we make it stick this time?
1. Ya gotta do different to create different. Whatever you did last time (remember last year?), don't do that. Whatever it was, it didn't work right? So don't do it again. There's a reason you didn't get there last time. What is it? Address it. Not rocket science is it? Too many people consistently do what doesn't work because they are creatures of habit. Unproductive habit. They love familiarity, no matter how pointless it is.
2. Punch yourself in the head. Hurts doesn't it? Get used to a little pain. Give yourself an uppercut each morning. If you're pretty, make it a rip in the guts instead; don't wanna damage those looks. If you want to totally avoid pain, discomfort and risk, then don't set goals, don't have any ambition and learn to be happy where you are. Forever. Significant change is often uncomfortable and messy, so toughen up. Get your head around that concept and you will dramatically improve your chances of getting where you wanna go. The results are worth it but the journey might be a little bumpy from time to time. You want spectacular results? Then saddle up cowgirl. Er, boy. Whatever.
3. Don't make resolutions after you've had three hundred beers.
"But Craig, it made so much sense at the time". Yes, we might be less inhibited when we're drunk but we're also less intelligent. Anecdotal evidence would suggest that inebriation is not the greatest platform from which to plan the rest of your life.
4. Don't start planning the 'new you' thirty minutes before the New Year ticks over. Probably not gonna make the best decisions from there. May wanna give your 'best life' a little more thought than that (call me old-fashioned). Goal setting, planning and preparation for life-long change can be a process which takes weeks or months.
5. Don't start something you probably won't or can't maintain. "Right, that's it; I'm running every day from, now on". Hey Champ, why don't you start with two or three days per week? "That's it, I'm never eating junk food again". Well, nice intention but you probably won't maintain that commitment for the next fifty years! Maybe ease into it a little. Too many of us simply start things which are virtually impossible to maintain over the long haul. It's not about the next four weeks; it's about the next four decades (or so). Extreme never works. Be completely realistic in your approach. More logic, less emotion. Emotion is good, but only to a point. It needs to be wrapped around some logic. Emotion all on it's own has a propensity to be somewhat destructive. Kind of like a Ferrari; can be amazing, but needs to be driven properly.
6. Don't try and change too many things at once. Too many people fail because they try to 'undo' decades of destructive behaviour in three weeks. Ain't gonna happen. Make it a sensible, practical, progressive process. When I mentor people, we aim to make one or two lasting changes per week, not seventy five. Trying to change too much too quickly will typically lead to one thing; disappointment. However, in life or death situations (that is, no other choice), we often see people make numerous monumental changes in a relatively short period of time. Pity some of us wait for death to knock on the door before we get serious about changing our destructive habits. Stupid also.
7. Don't make big (egotistical, emotional, stupid) public declarations. They rarely amount to anything good. Resolutions should be well-thought-through commitments (usually made in private after appropriate consideration).
8. Don't throw in the towel every time you stumble. Messing up (breaking a diet for example) is only a failure if you call it that. Messing up is normal. Giving up is pathetic. Get back on that horse and stop your whining and sulking. If you find this language offensive, you're too precious and I'm probably not the right coach for you. Re-read point two. And give yourself that uppercut.
9. Don't make resolutions because it's January. Make resolutions because you're absolutely ready to change. Not pseudo-ready (like the last ten times). Not 'allegedly' ready. Not 'almost' ready. No, R-E-A-D-Y!! And don't let others goal set for you. Don't be pressured into making certain resolutions. The desire for real change needs to come from, and be driven by, you.
10. Have monthly evaluations. A pit stop of sorts. Stop, get out of the car, kick the tyres, put it up on the hoist and check that everything is working and progressing as it should. If it ain't broken just keep driving. If you're veering to the left or something's rattling, make the necessary adjustments, get back in and keep heading towards your destination. If need be, see your mechanic (mentor, coach, trainer, ass-kicker), she might be more objective or informed about the state of your 'car' than you are. These pit-stops are great for keeping you accountable and moving in the right direction. For me, they have always been one of the most important ingredients. You want forever results? Then make yourself accountable.
Well there you have it; there is no right time, but there is a right 'state'. Creating lasting change is not about a particular day of the year, it's about whether or not you're ready to stop making resolutions and to start changing. Forever.
If not, there's always next New Years Eve.
