Will I ever be normal again

[lesliesealey]

A year ago my dad got into a freak accident and died. Since than I find myself going further into a dark hole I didn't think could get any deeper. Before than I was happy go lucky, vibrant, and just enjoyed life.Since than, I've been told I was having panic attacks, was on medication, but thought I could fix myself, and quit taking all medication. Now I find I can't do anything and I mean anything without fearing I'm dying. I will get a headache and feel like I got a tumor, or just anything. I find myself always thinking about my kids if I was to die, and the pain is overwhelming. I can't stand to be alone, in fear something will happen. I find myself seeming so confused, and it's starting to take physical control over my life. I don't know what's going on, but I know that I want my life back,and to be able to be a mom that my kids see happy and my husband doesn't have to worry when he is at work. Is there hope,or could something seriously be wrong with me, and this is how it feels when you get close to dying?

 

[forgetmenot]

YOU hun need to get back on your medication to get yourself stable okay You can be helped you call your doctor and you get some therapy perhaps to deal with your sadness your grief YOu deserve to be happy hun and your children and husband need you to be stable okay so please call your doctor and get back on the medication so you can start feeling better soon

 

[Daniel E.]

this is how it feels when you get close to dying?

Incidentally, death anxiety often decreases as people age:

as psychosocial maturity and age increase, death anxiety decreases.

The relationship of death anxiety with age and psy... [J Psychol. 1996] - PubMed - NCBI

To make the point, I remember one of my psychology textbooks had a picture of a content, elderly woman who had her future casket serving as a temporary bookshelf.

 

[adaptive1]

I am very sorry for the loss of your father. For sure there is hope and in time you do learn to live with the loss, it doesnt mean its easy but you do find ways to get through the day and in time you will find you will have good days again. I have also been troubled by fears about many different thing but that doesnt mean they are real or going to happen, it just gets easier to not react to it but it does take time. It is hard to face a life of uncertainty, I think thats why I always read the last page of a book first, a need to know what will happen....

 

[Daniel E.]

Since than, I've been told I was having panic attacks, was on medication, but thought I could fix myself, and quit taking all medication. Now I find I can't do anything and I mean anything without fearing I'm dying. I will get a headache and feel like I got a tumor, or just anything. I find myself always thinking about my kids if I was to die, and the pain is overwhelming. I can't stand to be alone, in fear something will happen.

This podcast mentions that the death of a loved normally increases death anxiety (as one would expect), but death anxiety that interferes with one's daily functioning is often related to other anxieties (health anxiety, panic disorder, etc). As with other anxieties, one of the approaches that therapists use is cognitive behavior therapy. And, of course, medications for treating anxiety include SSRIs (Prozac, Lexapro, etc.) and benzos.

But regarding the importance of grief counseling:

Grief symptoms only partially overlap with symptoms of depression and other DSM-IV-TR categories, such as anxiety and post traumatic stress disorder...

Unanticipated grief, as the name suggests, is grief that results from unexpected sudden death. This form of grief is said to be disruptive to the bereaved and will often involve a complicated recovery. This form of grief entails great difficulty in accepting the loss that is accompanied by overwhelming feelings.

The adaptive capabilities of the bereaved can be seriously damaged in the context of an unexpected and sudden death, resulting in their inability to function normally in any area of their life. Although the grieving person can intellectually recognize the death, they will often have great difficulty in accepting the loss due to it being so sudden and so unexpected. In this situation grief symptoms will tend to continue on much longer than normal grief reactions.

http://forum.psychlinks.ca/grief-and-bereavement/21086-types-of-unresolved-or-complicated-grief.html

So the bottom line is that seeing a therapist can help and, as you suggest yourself, so can medication. Some psychoeducation may also help, e.g. the role of avoidance behavior in anxiety issues. My favorite blog on anxiety is Professor Leahy's Anxiety Files.

---------- Post added at 12:05 PM ---------- Previous post was at 09:09 AM ----------

Will I ever be normal again

BTW:

You may wonder if life will ever be ‘normal’ again—either for you, how you view the world, or for those more directly affected by the tragedies. You and the world around you have been changed by what has happened, but a sense of routine and ‘normalcy’ will eventually return. What develops is a ‘new normal,’ not a return to how things were. As you make this change, if you are feeling helpless, remember there is still much that you can do at a personal and local level.

Grief and Loss Following Traumas and Disasters - CARING CONNECTIONS - NHPCO

In addition to "new normal," another popular phrase is "posttraumatic growth."

---------- Post added at 12:32 PM ---------- Previous post was at 12:05 PM ----------

"In fact, personal growth is positively associated with indicators of stress, such as intrusions or hypervigilance and other psychological symptoms"

Bereavement and Posttraumatic Growth