Worried

[coffeegirl]

Recently I have dropped (certain amount of weight) out of the blue. It is a sign that depression is lurking which also means that the ED is starting as well. Lately I have also been obsessing about my weight/body measurements. I weigh over my regular weight limit. I have both anorexia/bulimia. Long story. Too much to get into. Support: Just hubby and mental health providers. No one else. No one else really gets it. Very, very lonely living like this. It makes it even harder.

Coffeegirl

 

[Cat Dancer]

Could you talk to your mental health providers about this issue coming up again? They should be able to help you. It's good you recognize this problem early on before it gets worse.

 

[Meg]

I'm sorry to hear that things have been going downhill a bit for you lately. I think CD's advice is sound. Please take care of yourself :hug:

 

[Ashley-Kate]

hmmmm...

well a lot of what you wrote interested me.. "out of the blue". when you have a eating disorder if you admit it of not there is not really weight loss out of the blue. you notice that you are more obsessive about your weight and the obsessions have started over again so that is probably what influenced and caused the mental behaviors that lead to the weight loss, i am not trying to judge you or not but better try and remain out of the denial of "it just happened" If you try to ignore the behavior that you are having it will only be more difficult to fix them.

I agree that it would be very important to talk to your mental health care provider, as well as your "hubby" about these issues, keeping them aware of what is happening will also help them help you see whats going on from an other point of view. There are also support groups sometimes i am not sure about in your area but if you look online sometimes they have groups that are confidential somewhere close to were you live. I know in Quebec we have the organism ANEB that offers free groups to help people with eating disorders.

Not a lot of people understand eating disorders because they are complex ad are different for each and everyone that lives it with some similar points such and control the causes are unknown so it i hard to ask people to understand. What you can do is explain to your family and friends the difficulties you are living and the help that you feel you need from them. they may not understand the disorder but they do love you and want you to be happy and healthy and therefore will try to help you the best they can. Sometimes they may make mistakes but communicating with them will help them help you.

I hope this helps you, eating disorders are hard to beat and it's a fight that can last a very long time but the trick i believe is to believe in the person you are and not the eating disorder and seeing yourself as someone other than that.

yours truly
ashley

 

[coffeegirl]

Hi Gals! Thank you for the support. I just got back from my therapy appointment. Luckily I go back soon.. Next week. That is how well (not) I'm doing. We talked about the ED and tons of things. There is a lot that is causing it and things that are going on in my life right now. I'm a really messed up person right now. Very fragile on the inside. It hurts just to think. I'm living hour by hour... Trying to hang on to life living it to it's fullest so I don't waste it away being miserable. Otherwise I feel like I am wasting it away being depressed in Mental Illness hell.

I've had an ED since the age of 13. My bd candles will light up to 41 candles this year. That disturbs me. A doctor once told me that due to failing treatment years ago and relapsing so many times in my early twenties along with severe depression that I would always have the ED. A few things have held it up the last few years: some meds, a great therapist and psychiatrist. My DH gets it yet he doesn't. Anymore I think he has given up on me. He seems to not even care anymore. I'm very alone with this. All I have is my therapist/psychiatrist, that is about it. Hubby, not quite sure where he stands. He just keeps saying.. "I want you to be happy"... and ignores when I talk to him about the symptoms or issues. However we have a son with mental illness problems but he is able to cope/deal with our sons issues... not me. It hurts badly. My family, they can't cope with me and don't want to hear about it. They just turn their heads. My mental healh care providers don't want me discussing some of my dx's with any other family members... so I feel so very isolated and lonely. It hurts terribly. Hubby has even told me how 'you are so terribly mentally ill'.....so forth. I could go on. Self-esteem beyond dirt. I feel like I am where the moles and worms live right now.

Where I live there are no ED support groups I can attend. The only one there is available is for patients who are released from the hospital. The other is for overeaters anonyomous. When I called them a few years ago they got mad when I mentioned I was both bulimic AND anorexic. They told me I couldn't attend due to being 'anorexic'. Nice... SO I do not belong anywhere. I attend a mental illness support group but 'again', due to all the other dx's I have, I'm also again.... ISOLATED. Everyone views me as a "Freak". So no one has anything to do with me.

 

[Ashley-Kate]

Well first " what a meany for telling you you don't beling" sorry for the childish words i am trying to slack on using others terms.. she had no right. You may not fit into the criterias of their group yet she is not really using her head telling you that because you were already anorxic you don'T belong.. okay that said..
It's hard realising you have had an eating disorder for so long and then seeing people around you lose hope in the possibility of ever recovering. I think it is wrong for dr's to tell patients they won't recover even though they may be right. I feel that it gives us a reason to stop trying to give in to the disorder because we are told it's basicly in us to stay. I was diagnost anorexic at the age of 12 but ever since the age of 5 i have been restrictive and very self concious of my weight and size. I can't really say i know how you feel because i am going on 23 it's only been 15 years about since i have started really having diffciculties but, i guess it's long enough to tell you i understand. When you live in this diosrder for so long i think the reason people lose hope is because it is hard to change your paterns.. I am just starting to eat normally again and i screw up on a daily basis because i don'T rememeber when or what to eat and go through a day with very little not by choice but simply by routine.
If i may i would sugest you write a little plan a journal of positive things that may help you of things you can try objectives you woule like to meet and if you want post them here and tell us if you made it. We won't judge. the little steps are what matter!

good luck