I am a 27 years old male from London, UK
This is a question I have been wanting to ask here for ages, but couldn't really find the right words, today I thought I would give it a shot
I have tried to make the points simple. I would really appreciate for some opinions
It is about my dad, who the whole family have felt over the years has the wrong attitude about things He isn't a nasty person to people he knows, he would never harm anyone physically, but I think he has issues with letting things go, or he holds on to silly things. But he isn't sociable to people who he comes into contact with, even when he used to visit me at work, he would embarrass me, by being ignorant to my work friends. He is extremely quiet, and inside himself
I am going to start off by saying that my dad had a good childhood, he had very VERY good parents, who always made sure both him and his brother got things, and had enjoyment. They took my dad and his brother holidays every year, not just to places like Butlins, but also America, Spain, and Italy..and this was in the early 70's. They also made sure they were clothed, and brought them up well. His mum and dad also were very nice people, never abused them physically, or mentally when him and his brother were kids, my dad has even told me he had a great childhood.
Lastly, he is very confident in his beliefs, and he always does what he wants to do, like going vacation every year, to far countries not many people go to, buying the things he likes to collect like records, etc. And he is very extreme in the way he protects his stuff,like they are sacred or something. I understand people want to look after their things, but he starts dancing on hot bricks if you even go to touch one of his books or records, just to have a look
I am currently in real hell in my life at the moment, mentally, physically, and financially.
Whenever my dad comes round, he expects me to do stuff, that I find dreadfully difficult to do, because of my circumstances, and my mental state, and these things in turn benefits him in one way or another, although some of the things he says is to help me out, which isn't true, I feel, because of body language, and the stuff he comes out with. He comes out with things that make him look like he is scared he is going to lose something
Whatever I feel at the moment, he laughs it off, or rubbish's it, by brushing what I tell him away by forcing HIS opinions of things, that are totally irrelevant to me because of how my natural make up is... he ONLY thinks and advises what would suit HIM, and when you tell him so, and that what he is saying isn't right, he starts ignoring you.
My dad admitted to me the other day that he hates responsibility and he also admitted that since I was born, he has tried to avoid the responsibilities he had while I was growing up, and said he always shut himself away from them. I think he fears things
My dad is very anti social, he would NEVER speak to any stranger in the street, or in a bar, or strike up a conversation, or respond to someone attempting a conversation with him, and the only time he will talk is when he is at the shop, or restaurant ordering something. When my friends came round to my house, when my dad used to live with me and my mum, he would never say hello to them, he never even acknowledged they were there, for example, when one of my friends would pass my dad in the hallway, he would try and say hello to him, but my dad just out his head down, skulk passed, then totally blank him. If my friend was lucky, my dad would raise his hand very quickly then grunt "Er". My dad is even like this in family get togethers, maybe a tad better....but when cousins, or uncles, etc would come round, he would usually just sit down and put his headphones on, and block us out... unless he is talking about one of his interests, but if it isn't about what he likes, he just sits in the corner
He is very VERY VERY narrow minded, he likes ONE music group, and is only interested in what they do, collects EVERY little thing of theirs, he likes one genre of film, and only a certain type of it, and he tries to force those two things down peoples throats, gets startled when you say your not interested, yet when you try to show him something, he runs away, shields himself, or shuts off and ignores you, and tells you what you like is crap, and is very biased about his interests
He isn't domesticated at all, for example cooking, cleaning, ironing, or simply using a micro wave. Me and the rest of the family have said to him that boiling an egg, or using a microwave is easy, and that it will save him a lot of hassle... but he just responds with "NAH!!!!!! can't do that, I hate all that, I just can't do it!!" I mean, press a button on a micro wave, it's not exactly cooking a masterpiece meal is it.... He won't even try, he refuses to
When going anywhere with someone he only go's to places he wants to go to, or only is interested or willing to talk about the places he likes going to. He never sees anything from anyone elses point of view, or he won't even attempt to listen to other peoples points of view, and again, shuts him self off and ignores it, or grunts at it, then brushes it away. He says he hates phones, yet he will phone his mum (my nan of course lol) when he is in trouble, or needs something... yet he will never just randomly phone my nan up, like his brother (my uncle) does, to see how she is.. NEVER.. and she needs help right now, because she has had trauma in the last few years, and has a weak heart, and when you ask him why, he just says he hates phones, and hates ringing people.
When he go's round to his mums, when she answers the door, he never asks how she is when entering, or when he first sees her, just walks straight through, sits down, and either puts his headphones on, or starts rambling on about what he is doing, or what he has seen, etc.. but never asks Nan about herself. We asked him why he doesn't do this, he told us he hates saying hello to people, and asking how they are.... ???? He says he does care, but if he cared, why doesn't he do these things automatically? He won't even do it when we ask him too
Thanks
This is a question I have been wanting to ask here for ages, but couldn't really find the right words, today I thought I would give it a shot
I have tried to make the points simple. I would really appreciate for some opinions
It is about my dad, who the whole family have felt over the years has the wrong attitude about things He isn't a nasty person to people he knows, he would never harm anyone physically, but I think he has issues with letting things go, or he holds on to silly things. But he isn't sociable to people who he comes into contact with, even when he used to visit me at work, he would embarrass me, by being ignorant to my work friends. He is extremely quiet, and inside himself
I am going to start off by saying that my dad had a good childhood, he had very VERY good parents, who always made sure both him and his brother got things, and had enjoyment. They took my dad and his brother holidays every year, not just to places like Butlins, but also America, Spain, and Italy..and this was in the early 70's. They also made sure they were clothed, and brought them up well. His mum and dad also were very nice people, never abused them physically, or mentally when him and his brother were kids, my dad has even told me he had a great childhood.
Lastly, he is very confident in his beliefs, and he always does what he wants to do, like going vacation every year, to far countries not many people go to, buying the things he likes to collect like records, etc. And he is very extreme in the way he protects his stuff,like they are sacred or something. I understand people want to look after their things, but he starts dancing on hot bricks if you even go to touch one of his books or records, just to have a look
I am currently in real hell in my life at the moment, mentally, physically, and financially.
Whenever my dad comes round, he expects me to do stuff, that I find dreadfully difficult to do, because of my circumstances, and my mental state, and these things in turn benefits him in one way or another, although some of the things he says is to help me out, which isn't true, I feel, because of body language, and the stuff he comes out with. He comes out with things that make him look like he is scared he is going to lose something
Whatever I feel at the moment, he laughs it off, or rubbish's it, by brushing what I tell him away by forcing HIS opinions of things, that are totally irrelevant to me because of how my natural make up is... he ONLY thinks and advises what would suit HIM, and when you tell him so, and that what he is saying isn't right, he starts ignoring you.
My dad admitted to me the other day that he hates responsibility and he also admitted that since I was born, he has tried to avoid the responsibilities he had while I was growing up, and said he always shut himself away from them. I think he fears things
My dad is very anti social, he would NEVER speak to any stranger in the street, or in a bar, or strike up a conversation, or respond to someone attempting a conversation with him, and the only time he will talk is when he is at the shop, or restaurant ordering something. When my friends came round to my house, when my dad used to live with me and my mum, he would never say hello to them, he never even acknowledged they were there, for example, when one of my friends would pass my dad in the hallway, he would try and say hello to him, but my dad just out his head down, skulk passed, then totally blank him. If my friend was lucky, my dad would raise his hand very quickly then grunt "Er". My dad is even like this in family get togethers, maybe a tad better....but when cousins, or uncles, etc would come round, he would usually just sit down and put his headphones on, and block us out... unless he is talking about one of his interests, but if it isn't about what he likes, he just sits in the corner
He is very VERY VERY narrow minded, he likes ONE music group, and is only interested in what they do, collects EVERY little thing of theirs, he likes one genre of film, and only a certain type of it, and he tries to force those two things down peoples throats, gets startled when you say your not interested, yet when you try to show him something, he runs away, shields himself, or shuts off and ignores you, and tells you what you like is crap, and is very biased about his interests
He isn't domesticated at all, for example cooking, cleaning, ironing, or simply using a micro wave. Me and the rest of the family have said to him that boiling an egg, or using a microwave is easy, and that it will save him a lot of hassle... but he just responds with "NAH!!!!!! can't do that, I hate all that, I just can't do it!!" I mean, press a button on a micro wave, it's not exactly cooking a masterpiece meal is it.... He won't even try, he refuses to
When going anywhere with someone he only go's to places he wants to go to, or only is interested or willing to talk about the places he likes going to. He never sees anything from anyone elses point of view, or he won't even attempt to listen to other peoples points of view, and again, shuts him self off and ignores it, or grunts at it, then brushes it away. He says he hates phones, yet he will phone his mum (my nan of course lol) when he is in trouble, or needs something... yet he will never just randomly phone my nan up, like his brother (my uncle) does, to see how she is.. NEVER.. and she needs help right now, because she has had trauma in the last few years, and has a weak heart, and when you ask him why, he just says he hates phones, and hates ringing people.
When he go's round to his mums, when she answers the door, he never asks how she is when entering, or when he first sees her, just walks straight through, sits down, and either puts his headphones on, or starts rambling on about what he is doing, or what he has seen, etc.. but never asks Nan about herself. We asked him why he doesn't do this, he told us he hates saying hello to people, and asking how they are.... ???? He says he does care, but if he cared, why doesn't he do these things automatically? He won't even do it when we ask him too
Thanks
