- When your friends compliment you on your new alligator shoes and you're barefoot.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- Neighbors borrow your tools.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- You send money to PBS.
- You take a metal detector to the beach.
- You wear black socks with sandals.
- You know what the word "equity" means.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
- When your wife says, "Let's go upstairs and make love" and you answer, "Honey, I can't do both!"
- When you don't care where your spouse goes, just as long as you don't have to go along.
- You and your teeth don't sleep together.
- Your back goes out, but you stay home.
- It takes two tries to get up from the couch.
- Your idea of a night out is sitting on the patio.
- Happy hour is a nap.
- Your idea of weight lifting is standing up.
- It takes longer to rest than it did to get tired.
- The pharmacist has become you new best friend.
- It takes twice as long to look half as good.
- You get two invitations to go out on the same night, and you pick the one that gets you home the earliest.
- You have more patience; but actually, it's just that you don't care any more.
- Your investment in health insurance is finally beginning to pay off.
- If you've never smoked, you can start now and it won't have time to hurt you.
- Your secrets are safe with your friends because they can't remember them either.
- Your supply of brain cells is finally down to a manageable size.
- No one expects you to run into a burning building.
- There's nothing left to learn the hard way.
- Your joints are more accurate than the National Weather Service.
- In a hostage situation you are likely to be released first.
- You start video taping daytime game shows.
- Your new easy chair has more options than your car.
- Conversations with people your own age often turn into "dueling ailments."
- You begin every other sentence with, "Nowadays..."
- You run out of breath walking DOWN a flight of stairs.
- You consider coffee one of the most important things in life.
- You no longer think of speed limits as a challenge.
- Neighbors borrow your tools.
- People call at 9 p.m. and ask, "Did I wake you?"
- You send money to PBS.
- You take a metal detector to the beach.
- You wear black socks with sandals.
- You know what the word "equity" means.
- Your ears are hairier than your head.
- You get into a heated argument about pension plans.
- Everything that works hurts, and what doesn't hurt doesn't work.
- Your little black book only contains names ending in M.D.
- Your mind makes contracts your body can't keep.
- You look forward to a dull evening.
- Your knees buckle and your belt won't.
- You know all the answers, but nobody asks the questions.
- People no longer view you as a hypochondriac.
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