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hopelessinmi

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Well, I will try to make a long and confusing story short/

When our daughter turned 12 (8-2008) we caught her sneaking out to go have sex with a boy in the neighborhood, there was trouble before this but this was a wake up call. She was admitted to a short term treatment facility where she was diagnosed with ODD (Oppositional-Defiant Disorder) and ADHD.

When she returned home after a 4 day stay, we had hope, but then the games began(and we didn't even know it) The 2 years that followed were complete manipulations, lies, and sneaking. (Many of her new "skills" were learned while she was at the treatment facility!) She tried to look good to us, but underneath she never stopped any of her past behaviors.

Fast forward to December (2009): this is when we discovered what had been going on. We discovered a iPod touch (that we did not buy) in her bedroom, and I retrieved a MySpace account and password, and after going on her account we discovered that she traded sexual favors (on the school bus) for this iPod and we discovered many other shocking things as well. We found out that (age 13) she had been sexually inappropriate with her little sisters who were 4 and 5 years old at the time (they're both in counseling now). So, at that time we called the police and called CPS (Child Protection Services) to see what steps we should take, and they said that she cannot live in our home with her younger siblings so we moved her to her grandmother's in Jan 2010.
  • (4-2010) Well she is running wild at grandmothers house and we found out more so again she was sent to a short term treatment and is being counseled twice weekly and is still with grandma
  • (8-27-2010) We discovered a cell phone, an iPod touch and a Facebook account with a list of sexual partners that is unbelievable for a 14 year old.
  • (9-2-2010) A new Facebook account was created and her friends were talking about Skype. We discovered a laptop computer with a webcam hidden in her room (at grandma's) so we had a meeting with her counselor and the counselor said that we cannot change her behaviors and that she has shown that she cannot resist continuing these dangerous activities. Our daughter told her the same thing that she told us: "I am going to do what i want to do, if you place me with the courts they cant keep me forever and someone's got to take me and then I will do what I want to do."
We have a lawyer and have begun putting together a incorrigibility petition to get this kid some help, but this is a very difficult decision.
  1. we don't know what the court is going to do
  2. where will they put her??
  3. if they put her in treatment where does she go when she gets out (can't come here)?
We have so many questions but nobody seems to be able to answer them and from the start of this we feel the whole system has let us down!!!!
 
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David Baxter

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My sympathies to you and your family - this is not a situation any family wants to be in.

I'm not sure why you think the system has let you down, though. Your daughter, for whatever reasons, appears to be out of control and wilfully so. There's unfortunately little you can do to manage her behaviors. But that's also true of CPS workers and the courts.

The sad reality is that there is no way to help someone who does not want to be helped. I'm not sure what a "petition for incorriginility" implies but I assume this would make her a ward of the state. Even so, the list of risky and inappropriate behaviors you describe probably do not land her on the wrong side of the law, i.e., she isn't committing crimes, and so that leaves her "treatment" such as it is in the hands of the CPS. They can attempt to guide her and do a little reality therapy with her but a determined adolescent is not easily deterred from what she wants to do.
 

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