1st meeting with the psychologist

[tjgrahamcracker]

well, the first meeting was good i guess. She thinks I am depressed, or rather that I am suffering from depression. Well, I am usually a bit resistant to agree when somebody says I have some kind of specific problem but... It does seem to blanket a lot of my issues.

It was a lot of progress for one appointment I think. I mean, we covered a lot of my history. It was really easy to talk to her. I was surprised about the things I told her, and that actual feelings came out too. It was difficult, but it makes me think... Well she said someday I could be strong enough to give myself support when I am out on my own and I need it. I feel like maybe that's true!

Right now I am having a little difficulty. I feel like it was a very beneficial experience, but now I have two weeks before we meet again... She gave me some homework. I'm supposed to record my issues(journaling) and gather up old journal entries and stuff, and then bring them in. It sounds like a really good idea, but it feels weird. I guess I haven't had direction before. Also I'm feeling really impatient because I have help. Ridiculous thoughts like "Let's just get it over with"

I am scared to confront the pain I know I will have to sometime down the road. I wanted to cry like 6 times during the hour appointment. I felt kinda broken up after the appointment and I had to tell myself "Take control" so i could focus on driving. And i decided to browse the record store to get my mind off of things afterwards. There were people there, but I couldn't talk to them. I couldn't have said a word if i wanted to. I got home and my mom asked about it(She's the only family member i told about it) and i just told her it was tiring. She pressed for more but that's all i had the heart to tell her.

I told my psychologist how I journal sometimes, but that lately i just look at it and think "what's the point". I told her I felt alone with my issues sometimes, towards the end of the appointment, and she said I didn't have to feel that way anymore! That was really nice to hear from somebody's mouth. It felt genuine.

i was really happy that I could be honest with her. I hope in the future i will not be too afraid to experience my emotions. It's painful to feel them, and it's painful not to feel them. The barrier I usually have when i'm by myself was gone though. I could have cried i'm just not sure what would happen if i did.

I feel like a mess tonight! I'm gonna sleep, and maybe I'll feel good in the morning.

Hope everyone is doing well! There is some hope in there with all of my thoughts
---for any worriers out there

 

[NicNak]

:hithere: I am sorry you were upset after your appointment, but it can be an emotional time.

You were nervous to start with, then went and talked to the new therapist. It could be a release of all that emotion leading up to your appointment, maybe?

Regarding feeling impatient; I understand the feeling of "wanting to get it over with" and wanting to get better, like yesterday so well. But one thing I had to do was slow myself down, because it is a process that takes time.

One thing to try to remember is all the little challenges you over come as well as the big ones. It is important to give yourself a pat on the back.

I always remind myself when I get discouraged "Itty, bitty, baby steps. Rome wasn't built in a day"

It is a huge step you took to seek out a therapist and reach out for help.

I am so happy your therapist is nice to you. :support:

 

[tjgrahamcracker]

i used to feel like i didn't make any sense when i was upset, but i'm starting to feel like maybe i make more sense than i give myself credit for. i'm gonna try to appreciate myself for getting myself here, to this point in the process. It definitely did take a lot of work on my part and i don't even know what i'm worrying about...

I thank you for the reminder about the baby steps Nicnak

 

[NicNak]

It definitely did take a lot of work on my part and i don't even know what i'm worrying about...

Always remember that! Acting upon things takes a lot of strenght. Admitting there is "something not right" is also a huge step too! These are the strides you have already taken. Which are great stepping stones.

I thank you for the reminder about the baby steps Nicnak

You are most welcome. I am so happy for you, that you took these steps. :support:

 

[Into The Light]

that sounds like it was a very healing first session. you did wonderful i recognize a lot of the feelings you described. it feels good to be heard and to have someone be genuine and give you hope, doesn't it? :goodjob:

 

[David Baxter PhD]

i was really happy that I could be honest with her. I hope in the future i will not be too afraid to experience my emotions. It's painful to feel them, and it's painful not to feel them. The barrier I usually have when i'm by myself was gone though. I could have cried i'm just not sure what would happen if i did.

This is not unusual when starting therapy for the first time or with a new therapist. It takes a certain amount of courage and trust to let go of your defenses, but with the right therapist it's worth the effort.

It sounds to me like you did very well for your first session, tj. :2thumbs:

 

[tjgrahamcracker]

thanks you all, I'm already feeling a little better this morning too!

I'll keep you all posted, thanks for helping me get this far!

 

[NicNak]

thanks you all, I'm already feeling a little better this morning too!

I am glad :hug:

I'll keep you all posted, thanks for helping me get this far!

For sure, keep us posted!

 

[Jazzey]

Hi Timothy,

Everyone has already said what I would say. I think you did really well. I know it's hard at times. But I think you did a great job Timothy.

Keep us posted and I'm really happy to read this thread tonight.