25 year old student living at home... am I a loser?

[HotthenCold]

I'm a 25 year old business student living with my parents. I don't pay rent or tuition, though I do pay for my books, car, and car insurance. I have ample time and spending money , so I really shouldn't be feeling so insecure. Unforunately I feel like a loser since I haven't taken the initiative to take control of my life. I feel like at this point I should know how to pay my way in the world, but the fact is I'm not very good with money, and whenever I set budget's/saving goals I never can keep with them for extended periods of time. I have moved out once for 6 months, but I had to come back because it was too expensive. I won't graduate for at least another year and a half since I started school at 21 and didn't decide on a major until I was 23, and I'll probably have to stay at home for that whole time. I just feel like I'm slower than other young people and that I don't have the smarts or self control or initiative to live on my own. When I tell people this they often have some remark that indicates they see me as immature. I know that 90% of the opinions people have about other peoples live's are uninformed and usually meant more to hurt than as an objective statement of reality. GAHHHH!!! as I said before I am aware how self indulgent it is for me to feel sorry for myself, but dammit I do! what do I do? is this normal? am I a lazy loser? Should I have the world by the coat tails, impressing everyone with my rise to success and independence, blazing a brilliant path through this world? how do I cope with the reality that I'm paying for my crappy decisions when I was in high school and now I have to deal with my lack of independence and deal with the possibility that I'm missing out on a formative time in my life (independence in young adulthood).

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: 25 year old student living at home....am I a loser?

As a parent of sons in your age range, I don't see living with your parents as being a loser at all. School is expensive. If remaining at home suits both you and your parents, it's a mtually beneficial arrangement, and it allows you to have some money left over for fun to offset the stresses of your studies.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: 25 year old student living at home....am I a loser?

If you don't have significant debt (student loans, credit cards, etc.), you may be ahead of the game. In any case, what's the rush? You still have 40+ long years before retirement age. In 2050, the retirement age may be 80 for all I know due to future advances in medical care like nanotechnology, etc. The thought of all that work makes me want to go to sleep

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: 25 year old student living at home....am I a loser?

is this normal?

Your situation is certainly closer to the norm than you seem to believe:

The shape of life for those between 18 and 34 has changed so profoundly that many social scientists now think of those years as a new life stage, ''transitional adulthood'' -- just as, a century ago, they recognized adolescence as a life stage separating childhood from adulthood.

''There used to be a societal expectation that people in their early 20's would have finished their schooling, set up a household, gotten married and started their careers,'' said Frank F. Furstenberg Jr., a sociology professor at the University of Pennsylvania. ''But now that's the exception rather than the norm. Ask most people in their 20's whether they're adults and you get a nervous laugh."

...In interviews with dozens of 20-somethings, most say they share a sense that there is no right time to have completed their education, lived on their own or gotten married, that such fixed expectations have no place in their lives. And many see it as beneficial to step slowly and gradually into adult life.

''I think it's great, and really important, to take time to date and travel and hang out with your friends,'' said Elisabeth Levy, 28, a catering sales manager at a private club in Midtown Manhattan. ''This way, when you do finally settle down, you're really ready, and you don't wake up at 33, married with two kids and a house, and trapped, like 'How did this happen?' and 'What did I do with my life?' ''

For More People in 20's and 30's, Home Is Where the Parents Are - New York Times

 

[HotthenCold]

Thanks, that article definitely makes me feel better

 

[rebecca8]

Hey, I know just how you feel. I'm almost 26, living at home, am currently unemployed, and am not even attending school right now. I left home for a year when I was 19. I had my own apt., bills, and a job that paid less than $8/hr. I was left with about $15 in my bank account by the time I paid rent, and bills. Independence wasn't all that great. Look at me now, I'm a mess. I'm afraid of having to live like that again. It's great that you have direction in your life. You're almost there, and you'll have an education to back you up too, which will make living an independent life a heck of a lot easier. Not to mention more permanent. I bet so many people who moved out when they were 20, have moved back home again. As for saving and budgeting, you'll make it work when the time comes.

 

[Peanut]

Don't feel bad. I agree with the others. These days it's totally normal and acceptable. College is expensive and it's nice to be able to get support from your parents. I have periodically stayed with my mom and it's been a lot of fun. She's also stayed with me when she needed a place. Lots of my friends are still with their parents. I think, particularly when you're in college, it's really nothing to worry about. In fact, it's a great time to enjoy your life, your friends and your family.

 

[Wolverine]

Oh too old thread here,nevermind,i'll say that i'm 25 year old too and still living in my parents house,the bad is that i gave up early my studies and the last 4-5 years i'm not doing nothing in my life,absolutely nothing, i have lost the road of life,i don't know what to do in my life.My parents they think i'm a stupid loser lazy man and i think the day they will decide to "shoot" me out of this house isn't so far,you see i don't have job,i don't have girlfriend or friends,i don't have interestings,i spent all the time everyday in my room doing...surfing in the internet as the only interest left.

I start to feel strange in this house,i don't know,maybe i'm unwanted...:fool::fool:

 

[Been there Done that]

I will be 40 in a few months and the only time I have lived on my own it lasted 6 months. I was so scared that I would not be able to pay rent. I was living on 4.25 and hour and I only paid 260.00 a month rent. That left utilities and food. Then I had nothing left. I decided that living in a home is alot better than living in an apartment and have been happy about living with my mom since. I have always contributed but I am not a student and being a student is expensive. I am on disability and she is on social security(she is 74). Without me she would be depressed and lonely living in a retirement home. Plus if she passes away the house will be deeded over to me.

 

[Wolverine]

In most countries i know in europe,when a kid become adult,at the age of 18,from family they think that he/she must be independent,to find work and study too,to pay his own activities etc stuff.Sometimes i feel ashamed in the house of my parents,im not giving nothing there,i just exist until they decide to say to me "the time to leave from this house has come..."

 

[Banned]

I'm 37 and I live at home. Kind of. We all own the house and split everything three ways. It's easier than having roommates for me and my mom and I are really close. I do better having people around me and this provides consistency and support for all of us. It works out well even though we have the odd disagreement (getting the pig was a disaster, until we tossed out my mom's husband's vote). All in all, it works great.

Wolverine - what is stopping you from carrying your own weight and contributing? What is your plan if they do indeed toss you out?

 

[Wolverine]

Wolverine - what is stopping you from carrying your own weight and contributing? What is your plan if they do indeed toss you out?

It stops me that i feel desperate,antisocial,unable to take my own responsibilities and take action to fix my self,i depend from my parents money and i feel ashamed for that.:facepalm::facepalm:

 

[Banned]

Is there anything you can do to break that financial dependence?

 

[Wolverine]

Its impossible this moment,i failed so bad to my studies that i quit,i left alone and abandoned from everybody,no friends or cousins,or girlfriends, i isolated to a room and a computer with no interestings,like i'm not sure what to do with my life,the insecurities inside me don't let me to do one step forward.Yes im a loser as the title of this thread says.Unbelievable how the years passed so quickly and i didn't even understood the point of this life,just waiting and waiting doing nothing,i can't explain what i am waiting,this behavior looks so stupid really.:huh::miserable::miserable:

 

[Wolverine]

I want so bad to get out of my parents home, damn, i must be independent, to find job, girl, friends, buy car, learn play guitar, DAMN, i'm stuck!!!:facepalm::facepalm::facepalm:

 

[NeedaName]

Are you strictly looking to decide on a career or just any job that will lead to independence? I started work out of HS and then went for a bridging program and university once I knew what I wanted to do. My first job wan't anything career building or glamorous or anything worth bragging about. But it was the first step towards independence. Have you tried a job center? Asked parents or old friends for leads on a job?

Beating yourself up doesn't help you at all. Spend less time calling yourself names and more time focusing on your goals. So far, your goals seem to be going towards financial independence. That will take time and resourcefulness.

Hope that helps.

 

[Wolverine]

Are you strictly looking to decide on a career or just any job that will lead to independence? I started work out of HS and then went for a bridging program and university once I knew what I wanted to do. My first job wan't anything career building or glamorous or anything worth bragging about. But it was the first step towards independence. Have you tried a job center? Asked parents or old friends for leads on a job?

Beating yourself up doesn't help you at all. Spend less time calling yourself names and more time focusing on your goals. So far, your goals seem to be going towards financial independence. That will take time and resourcefulness.

Hope that helps.

No,i still didn't decided what to do with career or job as next step for independence,i have been such a loser and pathetic so far,especially last 5 years,i gave up my tries and life so early,"locked" in my room with a pc without to do any step or move beating myself how loser i am.I also believe i have social phobia and i can't stand much time with people around me,i have many difficulties to be adapted in situations.


:distress::fool::fool::miserable::miserable: