45 minutes not long enough

[ThatLady]

Oh, Toeless! I'm so sorry about your grandmother's illness. I do hope she gets better quickly.

I can understand why you feel you can't really talk to anyone right now. You've got a lot to deal with. Know you can come here, and that we care about you.

 

[Peanut]

Thanks for your comments. She died. Everything went horribly wrong. I am totally devestated, not speaking to several family members,and have together for the memorial service things. I need to find something nice to be read at the service in case anyone knows of anything, maybe to do with the beach or god or anything pretty.

I feel worse than I ever thought I could. Things have snowballed from there. I am so upset. I went to my psychologist today just because I didn't have the energy to cancel, although I did not make another apointment. He actually helped me figure out how to handle myself in the coming situations with the family members. He suggested getting some tranquilizers from my regular doctor. My doctor is very conservative w/ medication, I wonder if I should go ask her anyway.
I feel awful, I woke up screaming in the middle of the night and can not eat. I don't know what to do or how I am going to get through the near future. This is all just the tip of the iceberg.

And keeping with the topic my session was only 40 minutes today.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I'm truly sorry to hear that, toeless.

I will see what I can find that my be appropriate...

 

[Peanut]

Thank you Dr. Baxter. It would mean a lot to find something pretty and it also means a lot to have help looking I am having a hard time knowing what stories to "share"...I don't know how to choose which things were more important than others. I want to contribute something. I wanted this to be perfect for her and everything has fallen apart.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I Cannot

I cannot give you solutions to all of life?s
Problems, doubts and fears.
But I can listen to you,
And together we will search for answers.

I cannot change your past with all its heartache & pain,
Nor the future with its untold stories
But I can be there now when you need me to care.

I cannot keep your feet from stumbling.
I can only offer my hand that you may grasp it and not fall.

Your joys, triumphs, successes,
& happiness are not mine;
Yet I can share your laughter.

Your decisions in life are not
mine to make, nor to judge;
I can only support you, encourage you, & help you when you ask.

I cannot prevent you from falling away from friendship,
From your values, from me.
I can only pray for you, talk to you,
& wait for you.

I cannot give you boundaries
which I have determined for you,
But I can give you the room to change, room to grow, room to be yourself.

I cannot keep your heart
from breaking & hurting,
But I can cry with you
& help you pick up the pieces
& put them back in place.

I cannot tell you who you are.
I can only love you and be your friend.

? Author Unknown

 

[David Baxter PhD]

You're Still Here

At the finest level of my being,
You're still with me.
We still look at each other,
At that level beyond sight.
We talk and laugh with each other,
In a place beyond words.
We still touch each other,
On a level beyond touch.
We share time together in a place,
Where time stands still.
We are still together,
On a level called love.
But I cry alone for you,
In a place called reality.

By Richard Lepinsky, Chicken Soup for the Grieving Soul

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Let me come in where you are weeping,
and let me take your hand.
I, who have known a sorrow such as yours,
can understand.
Let me come in - I would be very still
beside you in grief;
I would not bid you cease your weeping -
tears bring relief.
Let me come in - I would only breathe a prayer
and hold your hand,
for I have known a sorrow such as yours
and understand.

Grace Noll Crowell, 1992

 

[Eunoia]

I'm really sorry to hear that Toeless. that's really sad and it must be a tough time for you.? :-(

all I would say about which stories to share at the service is to go w/ what feels right for you. think of what she meant to you, times she was there for you, maybe even a funny story about her.... just whatever makes sense to you- the service is for you as much as it is for everyone else. I faintly remember an eulogy that I read a couple of years back that was really touching, if I find it I'll post it.

 

[Peanut]

Thanks for those beautiful verses Dr. Baxter. They are really pretty and it's really the nicest thing anyone has done since she died. That and someone is making a photo album of her. Most people just want to hug me and it just makes me sick. This is one of the only places I can come where I don't feel smothered. I was looking for poems too. I will put them up here too to see if you gusy think they are good.
Do not stand at my grave and weep;
I am not there, I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow.
I am the diamond glints on snow.
I am the sunlight on ripened grain.
I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift uplifting rush
Of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry;
I am not there, I did not die.
Author unknown

I?m Free
Don?t grieve for me, for now I?m free
I?m following the path God has laid you see.
I took His hand when I heard him call
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day
To laugh, to love, to work, to play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way
I found that peace at the close of day.
If my parting has left a void
Then fill it with remembered joy.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss
Oh yes, these things I too will miss.

(both unknown authors)

plus one more

God saw him getting tired
and cure was not to be,
so he put his arms around him
and whispered "Come with me"

A golden heart stopped beating,
hard working hands at rest,
God broke our hearts to prove
that he only takes the best

B. Quintillio

So now I have six good ones to pick from, does anyone have any favorites? I feel really indecisive about this. It's such a big decision I don't want to...

 

[Peanut]

Eunoia, Thanks,that would be great if you find that eulogy. I am not going to actually read these stories, I am going to take the poem and the stories to the pre service and someone else will do the speaking. I won't be able to read something. I've totally lost it. I cannot keep my composure. I am hanging on literally by a thread. I'm actually glad I came back on here because I used to look forward to it but I have lost interest in everything that I used to like, at least I am enjoying it a little. I like all the support and the help finding poems and figuring out what to say. I have seen my mom cry like 3 times in my life and she is a total wreck. I am trying to be strong for her but I'm not doing a very good job.

 

[Peanut]

I also just wanted to say that I will keep all three of those poems from Dr. B because they are very special presents and I love them.

 

[David Baxter PhD]

I hope they help a little bit, Toeless...

 

[sister-ray]

Toeless,
Just wanted to say your in my thoughts and prayers, I'm so sorry to hear your very sad news.

best wishes TTE

 

[Eunoia]

hey toeless, I checked and I can't find the eulogy I was talking about, it was from a school project a couple of yrs back and I think I may have lost it- then I was going to post you a verse I found- but it's the same one you found (the very 1st one). I do have one more though you can look at if you want:

The tide recedes,
But leaves behind
Bright seashells on the sand.
The sun goes down,
But gentle warmth
Still lingers on the land.
The music stops,
And yet it echoes on
In sweet refrains...
For every joy that passes,
Something beautiful remains.

?Author Unknown

 

[Cat Dancer]

Dear Toeless,

I am very, very sorry about the loss of your grandmother. My thoughts are with you.

 

[ThatLady]

Toeless, I'm truly sorry for your loss. Unfortunately, when tragedy strikes it often brings out the worst in some people. It's not that they're bad people. It's just that they don't react well to loss, grief and stress. Hopefully, you family will be able to work through these hard times and come out the better for it.

Here are a few poems I use, for myself and for others who are grieving the loss of one well loved:

On the wings of a memory

? By Sugar J. Mott



On the wings of a memory I saw a vision of you there,
With rainbows in your eyes and heaven's light in your hair.
I reached for your hand just one more touch,
Is it asking for a miracle is it asking too much?
I feel your presence on the wind I smell you on the rain,
Just one more time to have your laughter ease the pain.
To see that wonderful little grin on your face,
To have your smile light up even the darkest place.
If it were possible, I'd pray you back home with the dawn,
But then again, on the wings of my memories you're not really gone

We can't know why the lily has so brief a time to bloom
in the warmth of sunlight's kiss upon its face.
Before it folds its fragrance in
and bids the world good-night to rest its beauty in a gentler place.
But we can know that nothing that is loved is ever lost,
and no one who has ever touched a heart can really pass away
because some beauty lingers on in each memory of which they've been a part.

Author: Ellen Brenneman


I'm Free

Don't grieve for me, for now I'm free.
I'm following the path God has laid, You see.
I took His hand when I heard His call.
I turned my back and left it all.
I could not stay another day.
To laugh, to love, to walk or play.
Tasks left undone must stay that way.
I found the peace at the close of day.

If my parting has left a void, then,
Fill it with remembered joys.
A friendship shared, a laugh, a kiss,
Oh, yes these things too I miss.
Be not burdened with times of sorrow.
I wish you the sunshine of tomorrow.
My life's been full, I savor much;
Good friends, good times, a loved ones touch.
Perhaps my time seemed all too brief,
Don't lengthen it now with undue grief.
Lift up your heats and peace to thee.
GOD wanted me now; HE set me free.

written by Julia Napier ?


Sweet Dreams

Peacefully, sleep comes to a dear beloved heart.
Quietly, we understand the time has come to part.
Tenderly, the love shines on ...a never-ending light.
Gratefully, we feel its warmth and say,
"Sweet dreams, good-night."

Author Unknown


Sweet Dreams

Peacefully, sleep comes to a dear beloved heart.
Quietly, we understand the time has come to part.
Tenderly, the love shines on ...a never-ending light.
Gratefully, we feel its warmth and say,
"Sweet dreams, good-night."

Author Unknown


Death is a Horizon

Life is eternal;
and love is immortal;
and death is only a horizon;
and a horizon is nothing save the limit of our sight.

Author: Rossiter Worthington Raymond 1840-1918

 

[Peanut]

Thanks guys, those are beautiful.? I am going to print them all out and show my mom and see which one she likes.? Geez, I was hoping I wouldn't start bawling this early in the day.? This is just awful, but the verses feel like they give me a little more perspective on the situation.?

I really want to tell you guys what happened otherwise too but it is not in this topic and it will take a long time to explain.?

Thanks again everyone, this is the only place that is really helping me at all.? I really am not enjoying talking to people face to face.? My therapist did help a some too.

 

[comfortzone]

Toeless,

I am sorry that I have arrived so late to hear of your loss. Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.

 

[Peanut]

Thanks Dr. Dobson I really appreciate it. Things are not going well. I am SO MAD at some of my family members and we are disagreeing on yet ANOTHER thing. I'm planning on cutting off all contact with them after this. I have HAD IT. I don't know why this has to happen NOW of all times. I'm really at my wits end.

 

[comfortzone]

It seems times like these brings out the worst in some people. I hope that things work out for you and that all of the disagreements dissolve away. Best wishes for you!