[Trigger] A terrible thing happened this morning

[texasgirl]

I just got a call this morning from my sister-in-law whose uncle (he was 38) just committed violent suicide in their home early this morning. He left 2 children and a wife, all who were home when he did it. We are going to the house this morning to help but I am feeling so overwhelmed. There are things that people don't realize about what the family is left with, having been through this myself, including but not limited to just figuring out the immediate practicalities of dealing with the scene itself.

His wife is bipolar, having had to quit her job because of her illness, and he had a small business that has to be managed starting tomorrow. Although we all knew that he was alcoholic, he never would seek help or agree to help, and was very abusive at home. It's hard to know where to start, and the children are devastated. We are going to the store to bring some food. They didn't belong to a church so we have to figure out the basics and go from there. They don't have much money but we need to find somebody who can help counsel the children. The police have been very helpful so far but that it and of itself is traumatic to the children.

I am sorry for rambling but I am terrified to go to the scene, scared, angry, and all of my experience in dealing with the same exact scenario myself has flooded back to me. Nevertheless, my sister in law is my dearest friend and needs my help now. People have no idea what the family is left with. I just wanted yall to know.

TG

 

[Into The Light]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

texasgirl i am so very sorry for what has happened. it is just unimaginable. do you have anyone you can lean on for support as you offer your support to your sister-in-law?

 

[Cat Dancer]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Oh no. I'm sorry to hear that and sorry that you're going through the awful feelings that you're experiencing. :hug:

 

[NicNak]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

My goodness Texasgirl. This is horrible! Please make sure you take care of yourself too during this time. :support:

I hope there is a lot of support about for all. Will the community call a crisis worker to help the family too?

I am speachless. I am so sorry this happened.

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

So sorry to hear this.

the immediate practicalities of dealing with the scene itself.

Regarding one aspect, as you may know by now, in Texas and other states there are professional cleaning crews that service large areas of the state that advertise in the yellow pages and are listed as crime, trauma, or accident cleanup, which may or may not be compensated for by home insurance.

They don't have much money but we need to find somebody who can help counsel the children.

I see there are bereavement counseling centers, some of which focus mostly on helping children:
Other Bereavement Centers: The Alcove Center for Grieving Children Families
Some examples:
Children's Bereavement Center of South Texas (provides sliding-scale services in addition to peer support groups)
Childrens Grief Center of El Paso

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

I am sorry for rambling but I am terrified to go to the scene, scared, angry, and all of my experience in dealing with the same exact scenario myself has flooded back to me. Nevertheless, my sister in law is my dearest friend and needs my help now. People have no idea what the family is left with. I just wanted yall to know.

You're not rambling TG. I know you want to help this family, but I can't help wondering if it's a good idea for you to go there right now. Are you ok to do this? Also, if you do go, do you have an upcoming therapy session?

Take good care of yourself TG. :hug: :hug: And of course, we're all here for you too.

 

[Banned]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

That is just terrible, TG. My sympathies to all involved.

I agree as well that you need to take care of yourself during all of this. This would be traumatic for many people, but having already been through similar tragedies yourself may make it even more difficult. I hope you have a therapist you can check in with when you are able or need to.

I am glad your sister-in-law has you available, and I am praying for all involved.

 

[texasgirl]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Thank you all very much. We just got back from the house. Thank you Daniel for the crime cleanup suggestion. I went online and got the information and they are coming today although some of the family have already cleaned up to some degree. The horrible thing is that he did this in front of his son.

Does anyone know how to break a password into a computer? We need to get into the computer to get to business/banking issues. The family doesn't have much money and no one knows the password.

I haven't had time to find a therapist after the last therapist I saw for the one visit that I wrote about earlier. I am taking some more medicine to get through this.

Thank you and I will need your help through this. We have to take his suit to get cleaned for the funeral but I think the cleaners aren't open right now.
I am just confused trying to think of everything.

TG

 

[Banned]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

TG,

I'm not 100% sure but the police may be able to crack the password for you. I mean, they *can*, but I don't know if they *will*, but it might be worth a try. They have computer guys that specialize in getting into very secure computer systems. If they won't, they might be able to tell you where you can take it to have someone else do it for you.

I hope the family can connect with a social agency of some sort for some support, both emotional and material.

This is a terrible tragedy. How old are the children?

 

[Daniel E.]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

That is a great suggestion. They have computer forensic people.

Is the password for logging into the Windows operating system? If the operating system (Windows) is password protected, you can still get access to the files on the hard drive, but it won't be easy since you will need to access the hard drive files from another operating system. But let me know which version of Windows in case I find anything.

The horrible thing is that he did this in front of his son.

That is so tragic.

How old are the two children? In other words, about how old or which age group is the son who witnessed the suicide?

Maybe local hospices can provide some suggestions regarding bereavement/grief counseling services like I linked to in my post above, but since it was a violently traumatic event, seeing a child therapist/psychologist may be the ideal, in any case.

In addition to sliding scale fees, the child's therapist may allow for a payment plan or something like that -- at least some therapists do allow for a payment plan and this is certainly an extenuating circumstance.

BTW, for each county in Texas, this lists the local mental health agency for children and adults:
http://webds.dshs.state.tx.us/mhservices/default.asp?strMHA=1

(Each agency also has a 24-hour crisis number for providing support and referrals. They also provide individual therapy for children and adults, but I don't know if they have therapists that focus mostly on children.)

 

[David Baxter PhD]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

I have a vague memory that if you remove the battery from the computer and leave it out for a period of time it will erase any passwords... not certain of this but you might try a Google search.

 

[Halo]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Sorry to hear about this TG...my thoughts are with you and your family at this time :hug: Do remember to take care of yourself first though and remember that we are here for you anytime you need us :hug: :support:

 

[texasgirl]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Thank you all so much. On the computer, we called Best Buy and if you bring it there they will get to the password for $30.00. So a family member took it there.

The children are both teenagers, 13 and 15. (girl 13 and boy 15). Their house is about to be foreclosed on. So we are trying to figure out what's what on any bank accounts since his wife is very sick with her bipolar illness. We tried to get her to call her doctor but she is very numb so we are going to call him anyway. As you can probably imagine, there is a lot to do. I told her sister about the counseling services you mentioned (there is a clinic in our town) and they will contact them next week - it should be available without much wait for this kind of emergency. His son is keeping very very busy right now and that's how he is dealing with everything for the time being.

I do need to find a therapist and will try to do so next week. You are all so very kind. And I really do need and thank you for your support.

TG

 

[Retired]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Sorry to hear about the terrible tragedy, TG. Please keep us posted on your own progress during this difficult time and remember that if you or any family members experience their own crisis to call the local crisis hotline for support.

 

[forgetmenot]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Terrible thing that happened this morning

I hope you can get help for you Texas Girl and for the family. They will need so much help right now and they are lucky to have you.

I know it must be so hard for you to keep strong in all this so please make sure you have support take care mary

 

[gooblax]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Very sorry to hear about this TG. You and the family will be in my thoughts.

 

[texasgirl]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

We just got home. I am going to bed but wanted to thank you all again.

Take care,

TG :hug:

 

[Jazzey]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Have a good night TG. Let us know how you're doing in the days to come. And lean on us too. :hug: :hug:

 

[white page]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Texas girl ,
I am so very , very sorry this has happened for your family .
You and your family are in my thoughts , please take care of yourself during this time , every one has given you such good advice , I do hope the practical problems have sorted themselves out as much as possible by now .
It may be a good idea for you to seek psychological help as soon as possible to avoid the inevitable backlash effect this new tragedy will have on you . We stay strong whilst we need to in the face of the distress of others , and forget that we are absorbing all the pain and horror without taking care to express how we ourselves are feeling . Keep posting here for the support you yourself are needing right now . hugs wp

 

[texasgirl]

Re: Terrible thing happened this morning

Hello everyone,

Just wanted to update you on the situation. The funeral is Thursday. Everyone is kind of numb right now but I guess that is to be expected. Because the family has no money, his boss is paying for the funeral, which is very nice of him.

I am becoming very depressed again, not only because of this but have been having problems for a while now. As I wrote before, I found the therapist who wasn't any good and went to him once. I did alot of research online yesterday to look for someone who is on my insurance and who indicates specialty in PTSD and bipolar disorder. I finally found someone and I have an appointment on Saturday. Hopefully this will work out.

Take care and thank you again for your support.

TG :hug: